The Top

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That's showbusiness!

By ouch - 13/08/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 058

You deserved it 4 766

By Noname - 03/02/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 2 659

Ménage à trois

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 02:01

Today, although many years ago I promised myself to never love a member of the armed forces due to the danger of losing him early, I did in fact fall in love with a soldier. Never mind though, as you can't lose what isn't yours in the first place, but rather your friend's husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 227

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 999

You deserved it 5 771

By msmusiclover7 - 27/02/2010 15:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 3 601

Forward thinker

By youdontknowwho - 10/05/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend took a picture of us together because he wanted to have something to burn when we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 182

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 18:00

Today, I did the whole 'rose petals, takeaway Chinese, favourite wine, and movie' thing. As soon as my wife got home, she said, “Great, now I have to sweep up rose petals, I’m not in the mood for Chinese, I was saving that wine, and I watched that movie last week.” I officially give up even trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 293

You snooze, you lose

By Jaymail - 17/05/2020 17:00

Today, I saw some really nice dining room chairs sitting out on the curb waiting for the garbage man. I went to the door to ask the owners why they were throwing them out. They told me it was because they had just bought new furniture. While I was talking to the owner, somebody else picked them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 603

By chelsea - 07/03/2011 22:23

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 13 927

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex-girlfriend who never moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 454

You deserved it 2 898

Nothing but red flags

By Jullii - 27/08/2021 08:01

Today, my ex of 5 years began dating the girl he told me was, “One of the guys”, “Don’t worry, she’s like a sister to me” and, “I would never see her that way.” We broke up a couple of days ago because my “paranoia” and “assumptions” about her were putting a “strain” on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 165

By Noname - 01/02/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 439

You deserved it 4 761

Business savvy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 634

Weirdo

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 120

You deserved it 3 755

Art critic

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 133

You deserved it 3 551

Can't win, part 15

By Kay Kay - 23/05/2020 05:00

Today, while my parents were grocery shopping, I cleaned the kitchen, swept floors, did laundry, and cleaned bathrooms, only to finish right before they got home. After dinner, my dad bitched and complained that I didn't take out the trash and he had no room to throw away his paper plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 153

Trust

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 06:01

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 1 480

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 23:19 - Canada - Surrey

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 229

You deserved it 7 817

By New computer - 08/08/2009 05:27 - France

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 423

You deserved it 5 965

Some friends you've got there

By Anonymous - 25/05/2020 14:00

Today, I got my commissioned anime portrait done. One of my friends commented on why all my commissions are skinny look-alikes, when I'm really fat in real life and active in body positivity. Then everyone started agreeing with her, stating that if I was so happy with who I am, why my art is of me slim? FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 1 961

Treacherous smileys

By Steven - 29/08/2021 20:01 - Canada

Today, I added the wrong reaction to a Facebook post, using the laughing smiley instead of the hug, and only noticed two hours later, when my friend wouldn't talk to me because she thought I like found the fact that her dog died funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 309

By nomoresbfun - 22/02/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 692

You deserved it 6 121

By assumed - 01/03/2011 16:47

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 616

You deserved it 3 752

By flying solo - 28/01/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 178

You deserved it 2 248

Bugging out

By Ernest - 30/11/2022 06:00

Today, my girlfriend won't stay over at my apartment anymore. Why? Because she saw a few roaches. Pest control comes every week and I spray every other day, so there's only so much I can about it. The worst part is now it's extremely difficult to spend time together because she lives with her mom and sister, who argue nonstop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 293

By gimpy - 04/01/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 872

You deserved it 2 490

By gkline09 - 06/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read, "Stop banging my boyfriend." I haven't had anyone in my love life for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 122

You deserved it 3 087

By Noname - 28/01/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 921

You deserved it 1 884

By kb - 18/11/2013 06:38 - United States

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 696

You deserved it 4 057

TMI Mom

By Why - 01/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 297

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The Top

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 068

You deserved it 4 374

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 12 854

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 146

You deserved it 6 641

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 403

You deserved it 10 493

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 184

You deserved it 6 067

Today, it's funny that I'm paying so much more money for a 3 bedroom apartment so my kids can each have their own rooms, and both kids have been camped out in my room for weeks. I'm a single mom who doesn't get any child support. What did I leave my 2 bedroom for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 239