Miscellaneous: Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up...

By Anonymous - United States - Tacoma

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

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Miscellaneous

Call CPS!

Extreme late fees

Backwards world

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

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62918

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By Anonymous - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43550

You deserved it

14281

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Volcanic eruption

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3189

You deserved it

914

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By disgruntled

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1885

You deserved it

247

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By OH COME ON - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33686

You deserved it

5533

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By not_very_smart - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47593

You deserved it

4823

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By angry girlfriend - United States - West Harrison

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47170

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5640

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By Anonymous - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35356

You deserved it

4522

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By phone-less - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20153

You deserved it

7492

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By OhPleaseNo - OhPleaseNo

We could be heroes

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1618

You deserved it

170

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By Araya - United Kingdom

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14251

You deserved it

38810

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By Anonymous

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13359

You deserved it

919

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By justgreat - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48931

You deserved it

3388

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48412

You deserved it

3484

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By Noname - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22400

You deserved it

212652

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By WiredUp - 21/8/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

The struggle is real

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1288

You deserved it

151

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By teardrops - Australia

Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35386

You deserved it

5171

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By Rizma - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34903

You deserved it

4543

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By theonlychildd1 - United States

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32339

You deserved it

6631

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By k - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20499

You deserved it

64326

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By Wraith - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40604

You deserved it

4771

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By introublenow - United States - Tallahassee

Whoops

Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16929

You deserved it

33199

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By Innocence - United States - Amelia

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30966

You deserved it

3505

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By will - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

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1422

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195

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By elrjay - Spain - Madrid

Today, I'm laying in my holiday apartment with the patio doors open, listening to the german man next door take dirty pics of his wife on the balcony. I'm too scared to get up and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4923

You deserved it

1019

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By c - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

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29009

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1749

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By shiney100893 - Ireland - Dublin

Going well

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52337

You deserved it

6201

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By AngrySon - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29250

You deserved it

2573

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By RhiannonMuh - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14335

You deserved it

3020

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By firstdategoals - United States

Today, I went on my very first date. We went out to eat dinner and everything went great! Afterwards, I went to drop him back off at his house. I backed out of his driveway and got stuck in a ditch. His dad had to come out and tow me out. So that's how I met my boyfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27071

You deserved it

3827

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By Ishikur - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25406

You deserved it

1623

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By RequilaRainbow - Canada

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32613

You deserved it

4305

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By LDL - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23457

You deserved it

5491

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By NicoleNoone - 1/8/2020 05:01

Banished

Today, my older sister told me about their table plan at their wedding. She is one of my best friends too, so I was shocked that I had been placed far away, and separated from my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1518

You deserved it

126

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By sad life - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend is so seldom romantic that it actually makes me uncomfortable when he says something cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29491

You deserved it

4797

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By boinger - United States

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21320

You deserved it

60975

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By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50222

You deserved it

3673

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By dead_painter - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15016

You deserved it

1321

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By daddyowl - Canada - Montreal

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25860

You deserved it

2987

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By kirsty - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

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35344

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Top comments

By kingbrizo | 24

#5729613 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:31

well thats alarming.

By DocBastard | 38

#5729617 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:32

Please just install it correctly so it doesn't go off for no reason at 3AM like EVERY OTHER FUCKING CAR ALARM EVER.

COMMENTS

By kingbrizo | 24

#5729613 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:31

well thats alarming.

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5729616 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:32

Those thieves have some great timing.

By DocBastard | 38

#5729617 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:32

Please just install it correctly so it doesn't go off for no reason at 3AM like EVERY OTHER FUCKING CAR ALARM EVER.

MCRaddict15 | 15

#5729723 - Saturday 26 October 2013 2:21

I never understood why SO many cars did that. How can so many people install their car alarms incorrectly?

Kyuubi_Rose | 11

#5729747 - Saturday 26 October 2013 2:57

It's the cats, they go nuts at 3am and set the alarms off to piss us off

ryanthecheeseguy | 18

#5729754 - Saturday 26 October 2013 3:12

...and then the car owner doesn't even know its their car so they don't do anything about it.

8born8 | 18

#5729780 - Saturday 26 October 2013 3:53

cats. slowly achieving world domination one car alarm at a time.

lexi365 | 20

#5730434 - Saturday 26 October 2013 17:30

They already took over the Internet.

By yukumariooo | 11

#5729618 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:32

Well if nothing else, their timing is impeccable.

By MasqueradePrince | 25

#5729621 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:33

Hopefully nothing of value was stolen...

By Chumbowamba | 10

#5729626 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:33

O.o the cruel irony of it.

shesaywha | 19

#5729726 - Saturday 26 October 2013 2:24

I think that is more of a coincidence than irony.

Imhere4fml | 24

#5729857 - Saturday 26 October 2013 5:12

No.

By graceinsheepwear | 33

#5729627 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:33

Oh man, my apartment once flooded the day before my appointment to get renter's insurance. Sorry OP.

By NoFlippinWai | 24

#5729629 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:34

Oh Irony you are a cruel sonofabitch

By FezzesAreCool | 18

#5729634 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:35

Oh the irony

By Farmillionaire | 8

#5729635 - Saturday 26 October 2013 1:35

Why wouldnt you just have the place you bought it from install it?? That would have been smart don't you think?