Love: Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

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Love

Sorry…

Walk on the wild side

Lockdown is driving us down

By dee - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

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By sad and hungry - United States - Hackensack

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

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By WTF - Australia

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

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By lean_mean_meme_machine - United States - Tampa

Today, I was visiting my grandma who has a beagle named Max. He was so excited to see me, he jumped on my face and peed. FML

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By Random dog owner

Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML

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By best friend! - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

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By LoveSick

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

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By notsobig - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

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By NotsexyEnough - United States

A for effort

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

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By fedUPwithPEOPLE - United States - Enterprise

Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML

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By brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Pontypool

Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML

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24298

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By AFGirlfriend - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

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46973

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By PukinFireman - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

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By scared - United States

Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

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By Vkaz - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

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By impishsamaritan

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

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By forgotmyownbirthday - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

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By hashtag beard life - 12/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Assumption Day

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML

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By Embarresedguy - United States

Today, I woke up and decided to get the morning paper, I went outside with my bath robe on and when I leaned down to get my paper my bath robe came undone. Apparently everyone on my street saw it and decided to bring up public nudity at the next neighborhood meeting. FML

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By Lisa - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

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By alie - United States

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

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By Sleep Deprived - United States

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

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By lez probs - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2020 05:01

Friends theme music plays

Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML

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By nerdlette - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

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By HotAsTits - United States

Ah, young love…

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

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By katie_sadface - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

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30188

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By strandedguest - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

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25268

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By Quasimodo - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

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By cbarr98 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

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30717

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

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By FUCK.THIS.JOB. - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

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51936

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By benz1369 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while stocking the green beans at work, I picked up a "leaf" which turned out to be a grasshopper. I screamed so loud, my coworkers now think I'm crazy. This is only my second week here. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

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Top comments

By lsfry | 0

#837436 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:07

Sounds like he just needed any excuse to dump you.

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#837477 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:13

Did she win him over with a cheat code?

COMMENTS

By lsfry | 0

#837436 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:07

Sounds like he just needed any excuse to dump you.

advent2060 | 4

#837459 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:10

yea that's probably true b/c who in their right mind would actually chose a videogame gf over a real one? maybe u were a shitty gf or he's gay LOL

UKfan97 | 0

#837946 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 13:48

i agree with tht guy^^^

NamelessNeko | 13

#838603 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 18:36

@5:
http://www.afterdawn.com/news/archive/20572.cfm
First thing that came to mind when I read that.

Zigma_fml | 0

#839218 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 23:31

Maybe it was an actual girl? You can play GTA4 online with real people. That would make it slightly less weird.

mydiclovesu2 | 0

#839638 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 2:11

or she's an ugly hoe

snagglepaste | 0

#1095439 - Thursday 15 July 2010 23:00

You think she's a gardening tool? ^^ ?

By deanftw | 0

#837441 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:07

well, hes obviously a complete faggot

BeeSkwaird | 0

#838337 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 16:51

Sometimes I tire of pleasing seven women at once. But then they give me a massage and I'm good to go again.

silentfog | 0

#838515 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:56

Not only would no one pick a video game, but pleasing the girl in gta takes no effort

tc710 | 0

#838659 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 19:10

#90 FTW :D

theatergirrl | 5

#4653458 - Thursday 5 July 2012 16:24

I'm sorry

By danielle8D | 0

#837450 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:08

too bad so sad...

By RaggedSquirrel | 0

#837468 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:11

You are apparently not as useful to him as his gta gf.

garrettjordan | 0

#837528 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:26

haha what an idiot

irsmeagol | 0

#838415 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 17:19

lol.

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#837477 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:13

Did she win him over with a cheat code?

Wogg_fml | 0

#837697 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 11:10

bahahaha nice

By saltz | 0

#837483 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:14

I don't believe you

By kaydee085 | 0

#837485 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:14

sounds like a loser anyway. I'm sure u can do much better! :)

By Kee_1992 | 0

#837487 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:14

wow. thats weird

By CookiesNOJ | 0

#837488 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:15

maybe u should take note? get tattoos n help him bust drive bys sheesh dont be so difficult he might come around in no time

By DogmaT_fml | 4

#837508 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 9:20

grand theft biches...

A for effort

Toxic Managers

Assumption Day

*Friends theme music plays*

Ah, young love…

Friends theme music plays