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Hi, OP here. Thanks for the comments, so happy this got published and the maths jokes made me laugh :) to people questioning the random attendance inspections - my school has really bad attendance generally so we get them to try and scare us into coming more. I did talk to my teacher and he spoke to the office and explained the situation and they let me off :) so alls well that ends well I suppose. I was just a bit annoyed at my teacher forgetting me! But bless him he was very apologetic. Anyway, thats me explained :)

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 603

You deserved it 25 728

By Jake - 25/07/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 333

You deserved it 3 703

By Celina - 11/01/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls, and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 534

You deserved it 40 851

Keep him

By Anonymous - 26/12/2022 15:00

Today, the county jail called. My estranged husband is being released, after spending a quality, week-long visit for restraining order violations. Merry Christmas to me and the only peace I've felt in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 139

Tetchy

By ouch.... - 22/10/2013 01:24 - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 189

You deserved it 3 577

By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 6 460

By wallbanger - 07/02/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 507

You deserved it 2 416

By 7rafe7 - 06/02/2011 07:37 - United States

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 086

You deserved it 31 082

C/A unt

By Anonymous - 04/01/2023 03:00

Today, I had to listen to my ridiculously judgmental aunt bitching about how America “let a criminal back onto the streets” because Brittney Griner (or “that bitch”, as she called her) “couldn’t be a decent person”. I can’t believe I share DNA with this cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 1 129

A cashier's life

By amy - 16/10/2013 21:52 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 852

You deserved it 3 990

By LynnJ - 06/02/2010 02:18 - Canada

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 6 956

Some people just want to watch the world burn

By WANTED: livable planet - 12/01/2023 12:00

Today, I mentioned to my parents that, considering the state of the world, the government needs to get its act together and ban guns, gas cars, meat, animal products, and plastic, among other things. They threatened to kick me out, saying I should "go live with the other dumbass hippies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 2 135

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 25/05/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, the woman I’ve loved, cared for, and nursed through cancer, left me for her ex since he wants to get married and I don’t. I didn’t know that a piece of paper and a white dress mean more than unconditional love and support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 585

By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 756

You deserved it 5 612

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 960

You deserved it 6 824

Private

By E.. - 20/10/2021 20:00

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 308

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 11/01/2023 18:00 - India - Thane

Today, some person I don't even know called me a scammer on my Facebook, and my mutual friends, who know my actual "GPS coordinates" blocked me before bothering to hear my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 162

Get up!

By Anonymous - 27/05/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 311

By Username - 03/02/2011 04:46

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 969

You deserved it 24 937

By Disturbed - 30/12/2008 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 321

You deserved it 6 420

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Mental health Delivery Awkward Health Sports Anger issues Kids Parenting LGBTQIA+ Love Weird Embarrassing Money Coffee Toilet Poopoo peepee Work Relatable Transportation Airport Airplanes Cars Drunk Alcohol Gross Music Annoying Intimacy NSFW

The Top

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 948

You deserved it 1 039

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 900

You deserved it 33 219

Today, an attractive woman was flirting with me from across a coffee shop. When I walked over and introduced myself, she served me with my divorce paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 057

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 130

Today, as a new mother post-partum, I was overwhelmed as fuck. I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t get my infant to stop crying. I already fed him, changed his diaper, and held him. My husband smugly told me, “Why you crying for? You were moaning, “Nut inside me, Daddy” during sex. This is what you signed up for!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 355

Today, I realized how single I truly am when I blurted out "Yes!" as soon as the priest asked the bride, "Do you take this man…" The bride was my sister and you could hear a pin drop after I blurted it out before she had a chance to respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 550