Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the... - FML

By caswell 1 - 28/2/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43395

You deserved it

13154

Tweet

Share

The opposite of a good idea

Caught red-handed

Long story short

By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32646

You deserved it

3051

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:07 - Canada - London

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39737

You deserved it

5022

Tweet

Share

By sick of this shit - 6/2/2016 05:04 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19601

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By Keith walk - 12/2/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38128

You deserved it

22769

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34286

You deserved it

6517

Tweet

Share

By L_lives - 30/5/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30356

You deserved it

2945

Tweet

Share

By mean mommy - 16/7/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1556

You deserved it

2036

Tweet

Share

By Wtf - 3/11/2015 22:06

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24655

You deserved it

3471

Tweet

Share

By MemoKrosav - 30/1/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20185

You deserved it

4508

Tweet

Share

By Omi - 20/10/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12831

You deserved it

41414

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/11/2014 18:51 - United States - Athens

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37998

You deserved it

3711

Tweet

Share

By Insanity - 9/4/2015 05:28 - France - La Poste

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31026

You deserved it

7667

Tweet

Share

By Yudith - 16/10/2019 00:01

Potholes

Today, I ran to catch the night bus which passes every hour, when it unexpectedly passed its stop and turned right. I ran faster, only to trip on a roadwork sign and scrape both knees on the half-rebuilt road, ruining my new yoga pants in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1305

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/7/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53389

You deserved it

4408

Tweet

Share

By ReallyBro - 21/3/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37268

You deserved it

11267

Tweet

Share

By das_shizzle - 5/5/2020 23:00

Wake up call

Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1227

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By tinaburrito - 26/1/2010 21:33 - France

Today, I found out my bank account was in the negative because my work gave me a check that didn't clear. I went to my bank to get a statement of charges so my job could reimburse me. They told me requesting a statement costs 8 dollars, which I don't have because my account is in the negative. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30094

You deserved it

2628

Tweet

Share

By blue - 25/8/2012 21:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26094

You deserved it

2329

Tweet

Share

By porkfriedlife - 28/7/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35767

You deserved it

25637

Tweet

Share

By Silent - 3/12/2009 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28116

You deserved it

3742

Tweet

Share

By 5.9Cummins - 11/9/2011 03:18 - Canada

Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36178

You deserved it

3399

Tweet

Share

By Courts - 28/2/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5424

You deserved it

494

Tweet

Share

By sally - 4/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2948

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/7/2018 01:30

Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3550

You deserved it

1386

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/6/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39083

You deserved it

7805

Tweet

Share

By loser - 29/10/2008 11:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said "oh, and now you look more handsome". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16308

You deserved it

41923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 02:00

Boring FML

Today, my wife of seven years told me she wants a divorce because I'm boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37025

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By prince232 - 4/5/2016 04:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15862

You deserved it

1129

Tweet

Share

By NotSarahConnor - 11/3/2018 20:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4809

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By Emily27 - 20/1/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39153

You deserved it

4921

Tweet

Share

By have it your way - 29/4/2014 19:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47942

You deserved it

5044

Tweet

Share

By mnavy - 28/9/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41414

You deserved it

5003

Tweet

Share

By Katie - 13/12/2012 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31038

You deserved it

2585

Tweet

Share

By erptwerp - 8/3/2016 04:47 - United States

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23313

You deserved it

1532

Tweet

Share

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29010

You deserved it

2406

Tweet

Share

By WorkerBee - 17/3/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1932

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By eatmywords - 5/7/2011 07:06 - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13481

You deserved it

63873

Tweet

Share

By notthesame - 18/8/2016 04:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14603

You deserved it

1178

Tweet

Share

By NotBeingPaidEnough - 3/3/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22264

You deserved it

1300

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Rodin_fml | 0

#9280 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:17

Ask her to be your trainer

By Bibico_fml | 0

#9287 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:33

We have a woman in our gym who used to compete in the Ms. Olympia. She's hot as hell, has great legs, and can still lift more than half the dudes in the gym. Take the girl's advice, OP, and show her how hard you're working out. Maybe something good will happen some day.

Comments

By Rodin_fml | 0

#9280 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:17

Ask her to be your trainer

By fgsfds | 3

#9281 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:19

How hairy were her arms?

By King_of_Kings | 3

#9286 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:27

i know where #3 is goin with this.

By Bibico_fml | 0

#9287 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:33

We have a woman in our gym who used to compete in the Ms. Olympia. She's hot as hell, has great legs, and can still lift more than half the dudes in the gym. Take the girl's advice, OP, and show her how hard you're working out. Maybe something good will happen some day.

Reply

nightslayer | 6

#2952344 - Friday 22 July 2011 18:07

it's because he couldn't lift more weights then her, that's why it's an fml

By potentpotable | 0

#9296 - Saturday 28 February 2009 16:52

...And this is why I'm going to continue working out at home until I'm toned enough for the gym.

Reply

spartans916 | 1

#2588409 - Monday 30 May 2011 17:32

it's more about how he is so weak

Reply

AviatorPichu | 11

#6292481 - Saturday 16 May 2015 19:56

#56 Nothing said he was weak. She could be extremely strong and he's only moderately strong.

By littlepirate_fml | 0

#9299 - Saturday 28 February 2009 17:03

#9 Marry me.

By NorfolkDude | 2

#9416 - Saturday 28 February 2009 20:50

I don't think the rejection part is the FML guys... it's the fact that he couldn't lift the weight that a girl could. That's sort of like finding out that a 5 year old girl could lift more weight than you.

Reply

PaperCaper | 11

#1178461 - Monday 2 August 2010 22:26

lol So you're saying girls' muscles stop growing at age 5 and stay that way for the rest of their lives?

By TheOrpheus | 0

#9431 - Saturday 28 February 2009 21:05

sucks! some of those girls at gyms that are in shape are pretty good looking. i'm sorry fro your loss.

By bradley5055 | 0

#9485 - Saturday 28 February 2009 22:59

how much did she weight is what i want to know (if she was only like 80lbs sucks to be u )

lol an 80lbs little girl owned you hard (that is until other wise stated if she was like 400lbs then just ewww n why)

Reply

SlyTendencies | 1

#2974337 - Monday 25 July 2011 20:36

Hahahahahahah yeah so funny.

By seanpow4713 | 0

#9506 - Saturday 28 February 2009 23:14

if she really cares that much about you not being able to lift the weight, then obviously she's a superficial bitch and not even worth it.