The Top

As the OP, a few extra points: I'm female, he was about a foot taller than me, I'd come home from an 8 hour shift, and I called the cops once I'd moved down the street to a safe distance. If there had been people around, I'd have stood up to him, but I didn't want to add mugging to an already shitty day. But, at #29, I'll totally try that next time!

Busted

By Sometimes you gotta get tough - 02/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, after the seventh morning in a row where my son threw a fit because he wanted to wear summer clothes, I put him in shorts and a tank top and put him outside. He got the message and changed into long sleeves and pants. Ten minutes later, cops pull up. My nosy neighbor called CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 20:30 - United States

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 692

You deserved it 2 812

Cast the first stone

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 711

You deserved it 3 462

By Cow_girl_cutie - 03/08/2011 07:47 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 376

You deserved it 6 258

You dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 169

You deserved it 3 381

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, while working at Wendy's my boss approached me and told me the District Manager wanted to talk to me. I had been given a substantial raise the day before so I thought he was going to promote me to manager. Wrong, he told me I was being fired for eating a 99 cent cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 996

You deserved it 16 691

pokandy tells us more.

pokandy 0

Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:52

Clear some things up. I had been working there for 4 1/2 years. Everyone at the store eats on the job and I was the only one to get fired. Never had any disiplinary problems before. The Store owners 14 year old son saw me eat the burger while working and told his dad who in turn told the DM. My regular manager didnt even know about it and was as blindsided as me. I offered to pay for the burger even double or triple for it but my DM could not see it any other way and canned my ass. O well. FML

By ringhider - 08/10/2010 16:55 - France

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 6 973

So young, so jaded

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 13:59

Today, like every day, I scrolled through my social media feeds, seeing happy couples, people buying houses and landing their dream jobs. I, on the other hand, am a single 23 year-old man in a dead end job, who still lives with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 648

What was I thinking?!

By Infadel - 22/07/2014 21:55 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 857

You deserved it 10 534

By facepalm - 06/06/2012 08:06 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 139

You deserved it 3 066

Heftychonk

By Backinzi - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 5 086

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 566

You deserved it 6 113

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 08:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 219

Broadcasting

By Anonymous - 16/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 588

By ugh - 05/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 3 855

By Nicked - 25/04/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 031

You deserved it 15 806

By LostSoul - 01/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 288

Sting operation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 08:00

Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 106

By krt - 03/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 117

You deserved it 7 819

By MissBeEyeTeeSeeH - 08/11/2009 11:46 - Canada

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 667

You deserved it 4 448

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 735

You deserved it 4 582

By hunnybaby0319 - 02/10/2010 22:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 902

You deserved it 25 641

By buggingout - 26/07/2011 10:33 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 179

You deserved it 4 518

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 874

You deserved it 4 438

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 766

You deserved it 6 795

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 920

You deserved it 3 498

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 328

You deserved it 6 661

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 148

You deserved it 7 977

Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 121

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 93