Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a...

By LostSoul - 1/7/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

714

You deserved it

1139

Favorite

Family values

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Yappy neighborhood

By annon - 11/2/2012 06:23 - Canada

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34340

You deserved it

3354

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/5/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30995

You deserved it

2510

Favorite

By honor sucks - 27/11/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8991

You deserved it

44822

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2009 11:05 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46510

You deserved it

5344

Favorite

By tireedddddd - 25/11/2011 16:24 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27017

You deserved it

2469

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29434

You deserved it

5472

Favorite

By say no to indoctrination - 22/8/2020 20:02 - United States

Indoctrination

Today, I was called everything from a communist to a nazi to a national traitor for suggesting that kids shouldn’t be forced to recite the pledge of allegiance at school until they’re old enough to truly understand what it means. Someone even threatened to kick my ass for speaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1619

You deserved it

764

Favorite

By the next james herriot - 10/9/2013 23:30 - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49402

You deserved it

3079

Favorite

By seriously? - 27/5/2014 22:23 - United States - Manassas

Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43241

You deserved it

7707

Favorite

By faitesdesgosses - 19/5/2014 14:27 - France - Mantes-la-ville

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48014

You deserved it

7087

Favorite

By Dry - 18/3/2017 16:00

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4768

You deserved it

399

Favorite

By rmonk - 24/2/2016 13:13 - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11661

You deserved it

22759

Favorite

By oops - 18/5/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53398

You deserved it

10793

Favorite

By bad in the sack - 5/7/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54992

You deserved it

11383

Favorite

By maystar - 26/5/2018 15:00

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3757

You deserved it

287

Favorite

By not a phobe - 16/7/2020 08:02

Misunderstood

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2286

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 17:00

Leave me alone

Today, my idea of partying is vacuuming the house. Because that’s the only time when I have a legitimate excuse to wear headphones, listen to music and not be available for my grandma to call out to me because she wants something or other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1246

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By TaffyMichele - 13/9/2012 23:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22936

You deserved it

3763

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 02:02

Two sides to every story

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24887

You deserved it

2209

Favorite

By it'sabitwindy - 9/12/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of 'Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

25460

You deserved it

3141

Favorite

By Marc - 3/3/2015 02:03 - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29955

You deserved it

4291

Favorite

By HellaBomber91 - 5/12/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two months broke up with me because she said I remind her too much of her first boyfriend and it creeps her out. I've checked with all of her friends and family. I am her first boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38620

You deserved it

3243

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/9/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23376

You deserved it

4397

Favorite

By planes - 30/12/2010 06:27 - United States

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36869

You deserved it

2569

Favorite

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38760

You deserved it

5956

Favorite

By Terrible Boss - 18/9/2019 02:04 - United States

Stability

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

367

You deserved it

6155

Favorite

By OhNo - 13/7/2010 15:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20033

You deserved it

29929

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13636

You deserved it

35027

Favorite

By happyharriet - 16/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56607

You deserved it

5343

Favorite

By LukeSkywalker - 23/12/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of 4 years through a speech that took me 3 weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38192

You deserved it

4620

Favorite

By human lava lamp - 10/3/2013 19:54 - United States - New Britain

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16323

You deserved it

49510

Favorite

By SupportPage - 31/3/2015 13:41 - United States - Torrance

Today, I found out there's a support page on Facebook for people who have been "hurt" by me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18159

You deserved it

34403

Favorite

By Boo - 8/8/2019 08:01 - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By assoutofuandme - 14/2/2013 07:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15065

You deserved it

59157

Favorite

By wiseoldone - 3/2/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23935

You deserved it

8155

Favorite

By really?!? - 25/1/2013 15:49 - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34702

You deserved it

4348

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34705

You deserved it

8646

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40908

You deserved it

8417

Favorite

By StiffPvtParts - 4/6/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2058

You deserved it

271

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ajh1800 | 25

#7817289 - Monday 1 July 2019 22:38

Well? Are you gonna tell us why or not??

By Late For Breakfast | 19

#7817305 - Monday 1 July 2019 23:34

They shrink

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7817289 - Monday 1 July 2019 22:38

Well? Are you gonna tell us why or not??

Late For Breakfast | 19

#7817305 - Monday 1 July 2019 23:34

They shrink

LostSoul | 19

#7819393 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 2:28

Wet hot leather shoes smell like something died.

By ViviMage | 38

#7817671 - Wednesday 3 July 2019 7:12

Poor unfortunate soles!

evilplatypus | 38

#7817857 - Wednesday 3 July 2019 17:02

In pain!
In need...