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By lifeguard down - 01/08/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 729

You deserved it 13 333

Nice try

By fuck you with a bacon cock - 04/04/2014 22:07 - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 367

You deserved it 3 521

By hairless - 30/07/2010 06:45 - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 496

You deserved it 10 143

By never_ending_hangover - 30/09/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss's sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 101

You deserved it 4 843

Dog Jump Fail

By FML Approved - 18/10/2017 21:10 - United States - New York

Practice doesn't always make perfect!

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 111

By dannyboy - 30/03/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 443

You deserved it 14 861

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 04:17

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 635

You deserved it 18 384

By anonymous - 29/03/2012 15:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 913

You deserved it 2 253

Thanks Sweaty

By sadrainindeed - 16/11/2023 04:00 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was feeling really down and my boyfriend refused to be there for me. It’s funny because a couple of months ago he was going through the same thing and I did everything I could to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 134

By blackberrybummer - 25/07/2010 05:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he would do his job while I did my "job" on top of him. He whips out his Blackberry and completely ignores me to send e-mails to co-workers reminding them about the 10 a.m. meeting scheduled for the next morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 5 652

The Gap

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 210

You deserved it 3 666

By shabowbow - 27/03/2014 18:14 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 827

You deserved it 3 719

shabowbow tells us more.

shabowbow 18

Thursday 27 March 2014 23:15

Thankfully I wasn't stung, and I do appreciate on the long run them hitting me with a textbook. It could've been a lot worse than a headache.

Let me down gently

By Abbyyyy - 20/11/2023 00:00

Today, I was in the park making out with a guy I’m seeing when I heard a familiar voice say, “Abby?” It was the guy who was trying to get with me for months but I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship, rather than tell him that he was too ugly for me. If looks could kill… FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 1 007

By Smeagogole - 02/07/2015 04:30 - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 67

By Drew - 06/03/2013 15:16 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 3 147

By Zak - 23/03/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 239

You deserved it 3 451

Banished

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 20:00

Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 843

By donttouchmyhair - 19/03/2014 18:14 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, a crazy woman grabbed my hair and mentioned how lovely it was. She then asked when I would donate it. I told her I didn't want to, at which point she started yelling that she was going to get some scissors and cut it all off to teach me a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 399

You deserved it 3 807

By Ima in Hungary - 22/03/2012 12:06 - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 817

You deserved it 2 606

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 03/06/2021 14:01

Today, after working for the same company for over 20 years, someone from upper management told me they’d accidentally been overpaying me all these years, not a huge issue, but would I mind giving the money back in one lump sum by the end of the month? UM, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 23/05/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 327

You deserved it 2 745

Use protection

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 12:00

Today, after I got pregnant off a dude who turned out to be married, and he'd told me he’d support me and the baby on the side, I had a miscarriage. Now he's pretending he doesn't even know me, and I can’t even tell his wife because without the baby, I can’t even prove we had sex that one time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 1 707

By treehugger - 20/03/2012 09:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 052

You deserved it 49 413

Brooklyn 99

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 14:00

Today, I'm a very stoic, loner lady, with I'll admit some anger issues, and I’m starting to realise why it was a mistake to go out with a girl who’s chirpy, happy, optimistic all the damn time. It’s like I’m Rosa Diaz and I’m dating Amy Santiago, and she’s driving me insane with her happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 954

By 42 - 07/07/2010 09:43 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 763

You deserved it 4 122

By CutePenguin - 17/03/2012 22:26 - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 755

You deserved it 2 068

Heavy sandwich, man

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 22:01

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 119

Party for one

By sad - 19/08/2022 00:00

Today, I invited all of my friends to my graduation party, and even paid for them all to be there. They all didn’t show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 130

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, six years after I gave up my newborn to my sister to raise, I finally told him I’m his real mom. In response, my sister took out a restraining order against me and blocked all forms of contact. The entire family has sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 1 900

Gordon Ramsey is furious

By sunitgir - 21/10/2019 06:00

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 156

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The Top

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 792

You deserved it 3 217

Today, my 70 year-old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 197

You deserved it 3 315

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 801

You deserved it 18 103

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her iTunes was on random. "Rape Me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 747

You deserved it 6 678

Today, I get as much time with the woman of my dreams as I do with my children: One day, every two weeks. She lives with me. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 193

Today, I added a new trigger for my debilitating migraines: presentations shown on projectors - BAM; went to the movies - BAM; went to a concert - BAM BAM BAM. Apparently big screens trigger them now, in addition to sleep or meal disruption, hormones or stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 60