Love: Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my...

By anon - United States

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

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Love

Proactive

Dangling modifier

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By impickingyourhomegran - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

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By WishIWasADogMinder - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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By rosie21030 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and my stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, and passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

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By kat, ACT - United States

Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 05:00

Stay safe, everyone

Today, I found out that one of my workmates had passed away due to Covid-19. He was among five other workmates who were calling me a "pussy" for going back and forth to work in car, instead of public transport. These five guys were eventually infected by someone in the public transport. FML

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By Xia - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

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By Mr.Incognito-san - 19/11/2020 02:02

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML

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By Username

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 21:30

It's the monstaaaaah

Today, a 4 year-old saw me and started crying and screaming like heck. I mean, I knew that I didn't look good, but this is too much. FML

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By S. Tucker - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

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By cricha4208 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

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By unhappy - United States - San Anselmo

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

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By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

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By MexyBoy

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

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By Cary - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

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33241

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By santa_maria - Reunion

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

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By TheFatOne - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

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By acneface - United States

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

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By Crashburn - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

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By Machine - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

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By artclasstrauma - United States

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

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By denied - United States

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

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By unknown - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

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By Anonymous

Poor me

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

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By Extravirgin - Germany - Munich

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

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By Dakota

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

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By weliveanddie14 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

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52764

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By Doodle - United States

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

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By DookDaSpook - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

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By LonelyBoy - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML

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By beingthebossisoverrated - United States

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

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By Ally - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my sculpture, which is very important for my art grade, fell from my desk and broke to pieces. My art teacher suggested I soak the parts in water to make it easier to stick them back together. They dissolved. FML

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By Justanotherwreck

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

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Top comments

By FFML_314 | 11

#1480108 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:13

He's not the only one stalking you online, Sarah. ;)

By FirstBornUnicorn | 0

#1480093 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:11

Stalking ex-wives online is the new fad.

COMMENTS

By lovelyliz916 | 5

#1480084 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:10

Lmao..at least he still has a "thing" for you hahaha!!

takeapieandrun | 9

#1480135 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:20

Lol, at least you're valuable to somebody.

kriptonite_fml | 0

#1480138 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:20

what if he has to take a shit?

By FirstBornUnicorn | 0

#1480093 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:11

Stalking ex-wives online is the new fad.

By blahzz | 4

#1480101 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:12

Time to buy a water gun.

By poptartsznpornos_fml | 0

#1480104 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:13

lol oh wow.... yall two mustve really been close !

skittle68 | 0

#1481745 - Friday 1 October 2010 18:43

Um they were married- what do you think??

By FFML_314 | 11

#1480108 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:13

He's not the only one stalking you online, Sarah. ;)

dreamering | 16

#1480141 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:20

You know the OP? Please change your picture before he totally changes his mind

FFML_314 | 11

#1480152 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:23

What's the matter with my picture?

dreamering | 16

#1480177 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:29

Nothing Fight Club girl. I insinuated that you’re the husband girlfriend.

redbluegreen | 40

#1480278 - Friday 1 October 2010 10:10

How dare you break the first and second rule!

FFML_314 | 11

#1480330 - Friday 1 October 2010 10:58

Not to mention rule 37!

Zosiaaa | 0

#1481158 - Friday 1 October 2010 16:05

you also broke rule 100. no tubbies

mooshibear140 | 4

#1484001 - Saturday 2 October 2010 4:23

Lol. Is that a joke? :P either way I'm laughing.

By firechildredhead | 0

#1480122 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:17

It's kind of hard to tell how creepy this is based on the fact that we don't know who divorced who or how it all went down.

By schwancy | 2

#1480128 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:19

How do you even know he's stalking you? unless he confessed.

everythingelena | 28

#6493882 - Saturday 26 December 2015 11:16

I mean some online profiles allow you to see who has looked at your page so that might be how

By NitroTonicsFML | 4

#1480146 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:22

He must be bored

By iSexxxy | 0

#1480166 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:27

Guys..

cheapluxury | 4

#1480172 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:28

Rule.

FFML_314 | 11

#1480255 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:58

Pusillanimous.

Alkix | 2

#1480267 - Friday 1 October 2010 10:04

I did not expect that to be an actual word. Well played.

FFML_314 | 11

#1480285 - Friday 1 October 2010 10:18

We are going to ignore him, Mercy.

By MAGNAVOX | 0

#1480185 - Friday 1 October 2010 9:32

Your ex husband is searching for the guy you cheated on him with. He wants to kill him . :O