The Top

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Stone the crows

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 14:16 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 219

You deserved it 4 247

I want the best for you

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 01:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I found that the only two people I've ever been in love with fell in love with one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 104

By baldspot - 02/04/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 2 889

By Connie - 04/06/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 9 323

Scammed

By Beuhilda - 19/05/2021 20:01

Today, I sold a dresser on OfferUp. When I arrive at the customer’s house to deliver it and discussed the payment, she got upset and called me a selfish, greedy bitch because she’s a "single mom on food stamps." She berated me to the point of tears. I left without getting my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 679

Bricked up

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 08:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 125

eBay fail

By Sad Nerd - 02/04/2014 08:20 - United States - Glendale

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 617

You deserved it 18 465

By dannyboy - 30/03/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 440

You deserved it 14 855

By Unemployed - 02/06/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 001

You deserved it 3 602

By themouseman1212 - 10/03/2013 16:13 - United States

Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 678

You deserved it 7 502

themouseman1212 tells us more.

themouseman1212 16

Wednesday 29 January 2014 19:40

I'm trying to. It's been a long time. But I'm still hopeful. Just trying to be the best husband and father I can be. Thanks for the support.

By anonymous - 29/03/2012 15:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 904

You deserved it 2 250

Where am I?

By 2ndplacechamp - 01/06/2011 05:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 599

You deserved it 9 475

By sashimieater - 31/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 350

You deserved it 14 682

Bad omen

By camb - 29/05/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend, who recently moved in with me, has opted to sleep on the couch rather than in the same bed as me. She claims it’s because "her body" won’t let her fall asleep unless she’s alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 203

Lemon law

By Jennij717 - 11/08/2022 10:00

Today, I moved several states to start a life with my boyfriend. It would've been nice to know he was cheating before buying a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 205

By HarvestMoon_gal - 24/07/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 118

You deserved it 10 676

Instagram Fail

By FML Approved - 27/10/2017 20:30

Such a poser.

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 347

By Smeagogole - 02/07/2015 04:30 - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 67

By Imaman - 28/05/2011 04:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 858

You deserved it 4 507

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 22/07/2010 05:52 - United States

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 090

You deserved it 5 290

Kinda disrespectful

By Ruined - 23/11/2023 02:30

Today, at my birthday party in an expensive sushi restaurant that I spent hundreds of dollars to reserve, my boyfriend of 3 years proposed… to my sister. She said yes. They’ve been secretly seeing each other for the past year. She just graduated high school this past summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 23/03/2014 16:59 - Egypt

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 177

You deserved it 3 718

By Zak - 23/03/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 235

You deserved it 3 447

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 661

You deserved it 10 791

By Ima in Hungary - 22/03/2012 12:06 - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 811

You deserved it 2 605

Early bird special

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 253

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 803

By treehugger - 20/03/2012 09:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 049

You deserved it 49 407

By Greig - 22/05/2011 12:18 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 3 802

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The Top

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 216

You deserved it 5 770

Today, I was digging the foundation for what will eventually be my garage. My kids wanted to help Daddy, which means they had a front row seat with their little spades when we unearthed the skeleton of some previous homeowner's dog. Now they won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 72

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 898

You deserved it 4 057

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 235

Today, I've been assigned to watch my friend's cat while he's away from home. His cat is 22 years-old and very grumpy. Most of my time has been spent making sure she's not dead, and getting attacked when I accidentally interrupt her naps. I've already got a few scratches. This is gonna be a long few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 256

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 985

You deserved it 24 941