Health: Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday... - FML

By foolmetwice - 16/05/2011 14:28

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 044

You deserved it 40 037

You tried

Mama's boy

Long time gone

By Sam - 01/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 58 814

By AcademicAdvisor - 25/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Boston

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 816

You deserved it 1 117

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 01:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 2 524

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 09:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 666

You deserved it 6 128

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 625

Kids talk

By SerenityJ - 27/09/2013 20:00 - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 919

You deserved it 7 117

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 05:44 - United States - Pinellas Park

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 429

You deserved it 5 094

By ditzen - 07/12/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 680

You deserved it 4 452

By Anonymous - 26/05/2014 15:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 018

You deserved it 7 087

By "clumsycat" - 30/06/2017 15:54

Today, I thought my water had broken. I had actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 256

You deserved it 360

Early start

By KoNi - 21/11/2008 07:23 - France

Spicy

Today, my 14-year-old sister asked me how I felt when I first had sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said, "I thought it was nice." I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 184

You deserved it 6 426

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 24/03/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 145

By anotherfmladdict - 26/09/2013 07:06 - United States - Muscatine

Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 944

You deserved it 5 255

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 340

You deserved it 86 514

Worst father ever

By Dick. - 13/05/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 97

By Chris - 20/11/2012 05:03 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 3 473

By cai - 29/10/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 543

You deserved it 3 833

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 4 307

By Anonymous - 04/10/2011 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 448

You deserved it 4 447

By Carnage23 - 22/11/2014 10:16 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 064

You deserved it 3 988

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 20:01 - Canada

Today, I work at a super toxic workplace, where the owner/boss takes part in some rude/bullying behavior and does nothing when I'm being bullied by coworkers. As a matter of fact, he takes their side. I have been looking for a new job in what I do, but haven't had any luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 73

By rUs7up1d - 08/04/2015 14:43 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 2 269

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 761

You deserved it 18 803

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 20:45 - United States - Everett

Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 006

You deserved it 4 521

By fuckedalready - 03/02/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 269

You deserved it 35 938

By likeyourboss - 04/10/2013 16:05 - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 646

You deserved it 5 928

By ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall - 10/03/2013 18:50 - Cyprus - Strovolos

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 627

You deserved it 4 847

Not everyone's cup of tea

By Anonymous - 26/10/2021 20:00

Today, I’ve noticed that my boyfriend gets progressively more short-tempered and grumpy as time goes on, until we get to the Friday before we drop my kids off at their dad's house, then for that weekend he’s downright happy, until we have to pick them up Sunday night then he starts getting grumpy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 578

By lprocter1982 - 08/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 2 950

By omgstfuplz - 16/09/2009 08:38 - United States

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 942

You deserved it 13 414

By iwannagotomiamitoo - 19/08/2013 04:30 - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 595

You deserved it 3 140

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 23:38 - Canada

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 383

You deserved it 6 977

By Les Miserables is so sad - 02/01/2013 23:38 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 360

You deserved it 15 158

Take a hike

By bummed - 14/04/2014 01:57

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 768

You deserved it 12 311

By Anonymous - 09/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 168

You deserved it 326

By Hufflepuff girl - 10/10/2017 11:54

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying that last night was awesome. When I said, "What do you mean?" he answered, "Come on Jess, I bet you can't stand straight." My name is Britney, but my friend's name is Jessica. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 317

You deserved it 409

By dangerZone - 27/02/2013 16:43 - United States - Statesboro

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 023

You deserved it 5 713

Not fair

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 249

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 12:02 - Romania - Iasi

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 65

Ewwwwwwww

By Warriorwizzle - 15/12/2018 04:00 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I had to move down to the third floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. The rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I'm not okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 985

You deserved it 206

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Top comments

wtfmylifedude 8

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:00

Sorry OP. I think you should just relax, and have a cup of tea.

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:56

Oh my god! A double burn!

Comments

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:55

wow that's just crazy!!

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:58

You're getting a huge scar that's fo sure

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:31

How about you stay the f*ck away from tea?

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Monday 16 May 2011 20:53

maybe you shouldn't spill a very hot cup of tea anymore. ? jussayinn. good luck with that though!

tweetbaby14 18

Monday 16 May 2011 20:57

better yet, OP just needs a spill-proof sippy cup.

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:15

Us Brits and our tea ehh ;)

LolAtYourFail 12

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:16

just spill a cup of iced tea tomorrow and you'll be good.

LolAtYourFail 12

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:16

just spill a cup of iced tea tomorrow and you'll be good.

LolAtYourFail 12

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:16

just spill a cup of iced tea tomorrow and you'll be good.

LolAtYourFail 12

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:16

just spill a cup of iced tea tomorrow and you'll be good.

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:27

haha burn!

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Monday 16 May 2011 22:05

i know u must be tripping balls

sterlingarcher 1

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Monday 16 May 2011 22:48

maybe you should stay away from tea for a while?????

LaughterofCorn 4

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Monday 16 May 2011 23:34

79- The Rise and Fall of Thumbs.

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 0:10

your doing it wrong.

TookaWooka666 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 0:42

Spill the tea on yourself a couple dozen more times, you might build up a restistence, then the next time you spill something hot on yourself you can come out on top and say "Hey, fuck you hot shit, you can't hurt me anymore." then hot beverages would fear you to no end from that point on.

chickenfriedCG 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:06

ever tried iced tea????

HarrietPotter239 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:42

I see what you did there.

staceysgenesis16 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:04

yeah thats crazy. ive done something like that before.

Fobbs 2

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 7:12

Wow what you doing? Running around while you drink it?

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Thursday 19 May 2011 6:13

Lol, drink iced tea for awhile...

ImFrackinBored 13

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Monday 19 September 2011 9:34

Burnception?

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:56

Oh my god! A double burn!

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:57

all the way across her arm.

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:08

it's like the movie inception.... except with tea!

traze 7

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:16

Teaception...tea burn within a tea burn...

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:18

Within a tea burn!!! i know how this will end... confusing as hell

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:27

Yo dawg, I heard you like burns, so we put a burn in your burn, so you can have pain while you have pain!

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:43

You better get some ice for that BURN!!!! That's like my favorite saying lol! But seriously, get some ice. We don't wanna see your raw flesh, that's disgusting. XD

sweet_candy_ 17

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Monday 16 May 2011 20:17

Never put ice on a burn. It makes things worse.

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Monday 16 May 2011 21:20

#2 That sounds like what they'd say in That '70s show.

EEEERRRRIIIICCC 4

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:37

maybe you should start drinking iced tea

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 15:46

maybe you should try iced tea.

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Sunday 20 November 2011 14:47

WE NEED TO GO DEEPER!

traze 7

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:57

Get off the drugs ya clumsy...

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Monday 16 May 2011 20:27

cold tea's better anyways...

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:55

They never learn...

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:05

thats terrible with a capital T!

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:02

today I went to the restaurant Char. I ordered a coke. the second it arrived I picked it up and dropped it on the table. they cleaned the table and brought a new coke. I reached for it and knocked it over again and onto my girlfriends lap. We had to move tables and I got another drink but it was a kids drink with a top on it. I picked it up from the lid and it fell again. My date got up and walked away. FML I thought this was kinda similar..... sometimes you don't learn from mistakes

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:54

People theses days

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:48

What a dumbass!

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:57

Some crap that would happen to me right there. FYL, OP. Sorry for the luck.

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Monday 16 May 2011 22:05

De Já Vu, anyone?

thegreat1_one 0

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 0:03

how bout iced tea for next time?

DarksideDoll 31

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Friday 26 September 2014 7:16

It's a glitch in the Matrix.

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:57

Learn how to hold a cup, what are you, 6?

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:21

or jus stop drinking tea

boredSOLDIER 33

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 0:46

urkel on fml

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:57

ur own fault. doont u think u would b a lil smarter about tea after the first time? lol

DreaminOfMusic 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:30

exactly! shouldn't you have learned from the first time?!?

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:46

I don't understand why this has so many negatives. Their just telling the fucking truth. Get used to it. when you put your stupid shit on here expect for the truth. I mean who doesn't know how to hold a fucking cup of tea? What a dumbass!

LairaIsKindaCool 6

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 6:42

well maybe she tripped or something ? don't tell me you have never spilt anything in your life..

xoxomariahkxoxo 6

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Wednesday 7 November 2012 0:52

Accidents happen....

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:58

maybe you should start being more careful with your hot cups of tea

AriTheAirhead 10

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:45

SIPPY CUPS!!! it's more difficult to spill things that way. :)

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Monday 16 May 2011 18:58

Third times a charm.

wtfmylifedude 8

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:00

Sorry OP. I think you should just relax, and have a cup of tea.

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:46

#11, massive win there.

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:55

hahaha win!!!!!!

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:50

hahahaha lmfaooo

Jojo_luvs_fml 0

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:01

your smart fyl...

sassypants93 17

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Monday 16 May 2011 19:41

Haha, oh the irony.

sassypants93 17

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Monday 16 May 2011 23:23

It's alright. Jojo probably doesn't know the meaning of irony, either.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 12

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 366

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 195