The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Bad tipper

By Sticky situation - 23/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at a Baskin Robbins, and because of COVID, I don’t take any coin change. The cashier handed me $1 and a cent. I said, “Keep the penny.” That basically meant, “You're worth a penny”. She gave me the stink eye as I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 010

By ohdear. - 29/03/2014 23:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 013

You deserved it 4 758

Do your own research

By ScienceFail - 25/07/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 15 962

Sounds illegal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 00:01

Today, I got a lot of tips at work, but little did I know our boss takes it out of our paychecks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 135

Slippin'

By kerdersty - 30/05/2011 03:27 - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year-old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 635

You deserved it 3 789

By thanksbro - 28/09/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 865

You deserved it 20 595

Dealbreaker

By Nico - 26/05/2021 14:01

Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 303

Good morning

By Elliot - 22/07/2010 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 4 342

Alexa, play "Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode

By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 05/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 594

You deserved it 76 752

By hala - 16/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 600

You deserved it 18 365

Shut up!

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 18:03 - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 015

You deserved it 11 239

By Fred - 26/05/2011 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 145

You deserved it 6 582

By aziraphaleelle - 18/03/2014 08:10 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 170

You deserved it 4 365

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 977

You deserved it 41 499

Peachy keen

By fuzzy - 23/09/2009 10:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 788

You deserved it 6 915

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 284

By fuckedover - 26/02/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 485

You deserved it 4 692

Ewwww, people

By Nikol - 17/08/2022 16:00

Today, I’m a 28 year-old information security professional living at my parent’s apartment, and I preferred to literally hide under the bed for an hour, instead of facing some unexpected family relatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 412

By AmericanAlien - 09/03/2014 02:15 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 945

You deserved it 20 133

Asshat

By davey d - 15/03/2012 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 014

You deserved it 13 277

By Alissa - 29/06/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I'd give him head one last time before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 885

You deserved it 6 928

Little shit

By Doormat - 19/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 142

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 863

You deserved it 7 470

Common sense

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect." I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 016

You deserved it 2 755

By Noname - 09/03/2009 17:04 - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 376

You deserved it 8 708

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 484

You deserved it 8 589

By London - 18/09/2009 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 191

You deserved it 3 416

By scalmon - 13/05/2011 17:08 - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 377

You deserved it 67 594

OK, now that's gross

By CM112 - 27/10/2019 06:00 - South Africa

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 1 282

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 03:59

Today, I became aroused when slight pressure was applied to my throat. I was having an ultrasound done to have my thyroid gland and a lump under my chin looked at by an old male doctor. My mom was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 175

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Clothes Miscellaneous Friends Birthday Money Awkward Technology Embarrassing Weird Pregnancy Kids Parents Grandparents Parenting Work Animals Family Intimacy AITA Health Doctor Painful Moving home Transportation Vacation LGBTQIA+ Love Religion Annoying

The Top

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 544

You deserved it 8 052

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 443

You deserved it 3 349

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 039

You deserved it 49 087

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 425

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I arrived early and waited for him for over an hour. When he finally showed up, he was wearing the exact same outfit as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 207

Today, I'm well aware that this is my own fault, but I went to a friend's house after working late. Ran towards the friend's front door and hit my head a tree limb that I didn't see. Flipped over, landed on the lawn, and blacked out for a minute. I got up, was dizzy, tripped, and fell on friend's porch. Second concussion in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 167