The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Shut up!

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 18:03 - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 018

You deserved it 11 240

Oh, hello…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of two years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 702

You deserved it 48 945

By aziraphaleelle - 18/03/2014 08:10 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 171

You deserved it 4 365

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 977

You deserved it 41 500

Cheap ass

By fme - 24/09/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I hate having to pay $12 for valet parking. I parked at Walgreens across the street in the only spot without a "Patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 697

You deserved it 44 372

Picked

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 621

You deserved it 10 088

Technique

By Anonymous - 12/07/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 750

You deserved it 29 774

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 284

By fuckedover - 26/02/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 487

You deserved it 4 692

Ewwww, people

By Nikol - 17/08/2022 16:00

Today, I’m a 28 year-old information security professional living at my parent’s apartment, and I preferred to literally hide under the bed for an hour, instead of facing some unexpected family relatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 412

By powsser - 11/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 440

You deserved it 5 725

By AmericanAlien - 09/03/2014 02:15 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 946

You deserved it 20 134

Asshat

By davey d - 15/03/2012 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 017

You deserved it 13 280

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 04:38 - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 817

You deserved it 4 374

By nononame - 10/03/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 210

You deserved it 4 194

Little shit

By Doormat - 19/08/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, a demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 143

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 864

You deserved it 7 470

Common sense

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect." I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 018

You deserved it 2 756

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 486

You deserved it 8 589

By lovewedge - 09/03/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 107

You deserved it 23 568

Halotus goes blind

By samadams42 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "just in case it isn't safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 720

You deserved it 3 147

OK, now that's gross

By CM112 - 27/10/2019 06:00 - South Africa

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 1 285

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 03:59

Today, I became aroused when slight pressure was applied to my throat. I was having an ultrasound done to have my thyroid gland and a lump under my chin looked at by an old male doctor. My mom was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 175

Never annoy the driver

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 14:00

Today, my husband went to pick my mom up from the airport, but apparently they got in one of their arguments on the way home, so he dumped her at a Starbucks and came home without her. He won’t even tell me which Starbucks, and when I rang her she gave useless directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 304

By jill - 25/02/2014 16:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 107

You deserved it 8 193

By kitkat1603 - 16/06/2010 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 998

You deserved it 7 775

Surprise!

By Muscle - 06/03/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two-month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with silk-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said, "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 202

You deserved it 3 985

By loser - 09/05/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 747

You deserved it 13 080

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 958

You deserved it 3 041

Mind-boggling logistics

By Anika - 23/06/2021 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He married someone, and got another girl pregnant. We were together for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 149

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Relatable Doctor Work Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Friends Parents Awkward Liar My ex NSFW Intimacy Art Crush Love Weird Grandparents Kids Gross Poopoo peepee Divorce Cancer Scams Tinder Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing

The Top

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 162

You deserved it 6 904

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 150

You deserved it 476 391

Random

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 708

You deserved it 3 691

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 737

You deserved it 4 344

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 793

You deserved it 3 443

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 979

You deserved it 12 003

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 345

You deserved it 3 114

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 309