Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML
Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML
Today, I accepted I can't cook at all. Why? I burned myself cooking popcorn in a microwave oven. I accidentally burst the package open and a scorching kernel flew into my bra. FML
Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML
Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML
Today, while cooking dinner, I managed to set my oven mitt on fire. In my panic, I tried to throw it in the sink, but it landed on a stack of t-shirts, which were lying on the counter. Both the mitt and my favorite Sonic Youth t-shirt now have matching burn holes. FML
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Top comments
ChrisLTC 3
Now when you flash your boobs it will look like they are winking!
FMLephant 2
One pound of potatoes, boiled and peeled, mayonnaise, celery, dill weed, a little mustard, and half a nipple. Season to taste.
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Comments (253)
TK1279 2
win
Prolusive 5
Pot holder win.
craaazymonkey 0
grin!
BahahahLOL 0
Gin ... and juice
BahahahLOL 0
Gin ... and juice
Agiggleaday 0
Cooking skill fail
crazyin321 0
Really? It's not possible for your hand to slip if you have cooking skills? well shit, son!
luke1998 0
lol
sduhamel 0
how the hell were you holding the pot such that when it slips it spills on ur boobs?? don't ppl hold the pot in the direction away from their body? WTF?
BadBoyz90210 0
youd have to hold it above your head or right next to yourself for balance
kruzito 0
Now that's hot!
kruzito 0
Now that's hot!
AceArctic 4
^win
HawkFootball 0
bin
minatosexy 0
no 215 UR PIC IS A WIN!!!!
facilitator 0
in mother Russia potato mash you
weels6 0
suckkksss bro. OHYEAH ME YEAHHH
jaint 0
woot first person to comment =D
Bofferding_fml 6
you Fail hard, you Fail for saying first in the first place, and you fail even more for note being the first
Fuzzbump 5
I'm pretty sure you're third.
TK1279 2
*not
xxcrazygingerxx 0
why dont you just stick to making sandwitches.
eprieto 0
14- was that necessary
weels6 0
I think you're the only one that cares ya hoe, so stfu.
Tweety122888 0
Apparently can't drive either
Tweety122888 0
Nvm dumb android app
eprieto 0
14- are you a guy or gal
weels6 0
you just contradicted yourself. I'm simple but I stole my carer's password and "he" hasn't found out yet! uhhhhhme soyyy dumb . *VOMITS*
Tweety122888 0
Im with pendatik on this one
IStoleTheCookies 16
14 - I hear you and all but if you are going to correct someones spelling at least make sure your grammar is correct first. I think you meant 'were' not 'where'. Just saying.
weels6 0
me hungy. nomnom
rmbaker1993 0
wowww 14!!! 8 just accidently added an extra letter to a word. 14, you completely used the wrong word! I think YOU'RE the stupid one...oh and WTF is your picture!? are you so stupid you could only get a girl with three arms??
VorpikeII 17
Besides the guy you stole the password from could be even more stupid then you.
CrimSin 0
14 - If you're gonna insult someone about their spelling and whatnot, at least be smart enough to make sure you type your OWN sentence correctly. I'm pretty sure "where" and "were" have two completely different meanings.
DocBastard 38
CrimSin, get your head out of your ass, because you're obviously having trouble seeing clearly. Pendatik's grammar and spelling were spot-on. Notice I didn't say "where spot-on" as you suggest, because that would be wrong and stupid. Trying to correct someone and failing really makes you look foolish, especially when the person you're so desperately trying to show up is Pendatik.
Rebi3144 8
Uh, 69, 14 was right in that sentence. So, shut up. (:
xxxkkxxx 0
haha 14 you have 6099 comments
aardvarkish 16
Battle of the Brains is looking a little one-sided here...
Blazingcrono 6
Lol this thread is full of win.
VorpikeII 17
no one can possibly out-do Pendatik in spelling and grammar except DocBastard and possibly KaySL.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
#everyone, pendantik must have some powerful friends because it did actually say "where" not "were". I wish besties with the mods...
ILoveEggnog 7
Rule #1 of FML; never attack an old-school dude like Pendatik.
VorpikeII 17
Your missing the side note #147, it says that you can mess with Pendatik, KaySL and Doc, but it also says that sirin is not responsible for whatever they do back to you.
DocBastard 38
"Rule #1 of FML; never attack an old dude like Pendatik." There, fixed it for you.
ILoveEggnog 7
Thanks 149 and Doc. I just got off an eighteen hour shift, so my brain isn't functioning properly.
cldean24 4
Pendatik, does the person in your photo have three arms? I am very intrigued and boggled as I have looked at that pic for about 15 minutes.
VorpikeII 17
umm I'm pretty sure that's a leg… although I could be wrong. I'm also suprised KaySL hasn't commented on this thread yet.
Mubus 0
162 is retarded.
ColorfulDonut 7
just. shut. up. stop criticizing people.
ColorfulDonut 7
nah lol go on this thread is really funny
VorpikeII 17
Aha! I knew KaySL would post eventually!!!!! MWAHAHAHA
VorpikeII 17
*throws dead unicorn right back at KaySL* *laughs when it skewers KaySL*
VorpikeII 17
I don't want your shit, that's just nasty. Though I have more dirt on you then you think. Let's just say it has something to do with you, Doc, Every1luvsboners and handcuffs.
NoMoreRainbows 0
Is everyone done trying to have a flame war/cat fight/trying to be a grammar nazi?
VorpikeII 17
no, the cat fight/flaming lesbian war is not ove yet!!!!! It will never end!!!!
VorpikeII 17
over*
fieldhockey711 0
dude y r u soooo mean like u honestly could not be as smart as u think u r because u act all cool using your big words and you most likely dont know what they mean and lile what job do you have that makes you think ypur so smart i agree with #16
fieldhockey711 0
look at you trying to act all smart for this pendatik person
VorpikeII 17
242 who the **** are you talking about?????
Dragons_corner 6
how do you lose half a nipple or any part of a nipple to potato salad?? were you eating some and it fell on your nipple and your dog bit it?
IStoleTheCookies 16
I was just thinking that.. you don't cook/boil potato salad, you just take it from the fridge and eat it..
quietnurse 0
you have to boil the potatoes before you put them in mayo/ salad dressing and eggs ect... to make potato salad.
Mistery510 6
I hope you aren't that stupid istole..
eprieto 0
holly crap, obviously from the boiling water that was used in whatever way to make the potato salad
Rykier 0
Either those two are retarded, or y'all just get subtly trolled.
RedPillSucks 31
Most likely, the comments were made by people who eat store bought potato salad instead of making their own. For future reference, some people actually have to prepare the food you eat. There is no magic (nipple-less) fairy that creates the food in your fridge.
nohugs4u 8
how the hell did you bring the dog into this
anorexicbarbie 8
9 and 26 made me lose faith in humanity.
binkybaby 3
I can see where the question is coming from. OP merely states that she burned herself and has second degree boob-burns. She then states as a separate thought that she lost her nipple to potato salad. It makes it seem like it's two separate events.
cldean24 4
Yeah, they probably don't make their own food, but it doesn't take a genius to know potatoes aren't soft without being boiled. They are just really dumb lol.
Cenobyte 10
#26 - Serves you right for being flippant. Next time put a ;) behind the comment. Maybe then people will understand.
Dragons_corner 6
116 and 133 I don't eat potato salad and only my mom eats it but that's only if one friend makes it. I never made it or was shown how beside they stated 2 incidents that sound different. Also to all I'm a cook I'm a cook. I do nothing but prepare food from scratch just like how I was raised and cook home made meals. Nothing beat it.
WoahHEY_Ewh 0
Omnomnom
shaniecerb 0
u have to boil the eggs
DiamondFinish 0
You would have been ok if you had implants.
justalilrandom2 4
Not really, skin will still burn and nipples will be lost regardless if fake or not.
DiamondFinish 0
joke
craaazymonkey 0
them ***** would have been liquified fosho!
justalilrandom2 4
Fake are rubbish anyway...
DiamondFinish 0
Agreed^
justalilrandom2 4
Why do people like clearly fake ones?
DiamondFinish 0
They like more bang for their buck. The mentality of most people is, if it's bigger it's better. I am talking about implants not natural big ones, that is a different discussion. I personally prefer natural. The feel is just priceless.<<<joke to you slow people.
justalilrandom2 4
Unless you go for a natural look they will never look good, big and perfectly spherical, or cleavage you could park a car in with nipples all over the place is extremely unattractiv.
Angi95 3
Haha wow to all of that too funny. I honestly don't get the attraction to them for guys.
dtbomb 3
Is that what you told your mom so she wouldn't know about your BDSM fetish.
TK1279 2
pic=EPIC WIN
i_love_grrr 0
lol
cheerbaby05 0
I love your pic:)
Fuzzbump 5
Just look on the bright side! You're still alive!
BAMF18 0
ypu never make any senceeeeeeee!!!
BAMF18 0
ypu never make any senceeeeeeee!!!
DocBastard 38
Too...much...irony... *head explodes*
Rebi3144 8
Someone get a doc for.. Doc..!
iSpasticFantasti 14
#88 -puts head back together and then runs back to my lonely observing corner- ._.
iluvmemicookies 0
lol. get a doc for doc!!
Alderman55 0
throws a rock at #88 head as I yell spit out your stride gum or we'll find you!!!!!! bowchickawowow
Twiggi 0
I am so sorry especially if you are a girl. F Y L
Fuzzbump 5
Huh, I didn't even notice OP's gender wasn't specified.
Tweety122888 0
Guys have ****? Well thats a new one! OPs name says ****!
dotty23 0
Guys don't have ****. o-o
Sanela 1
But it says that the BOOBS were burnt - asuming it's a women...
VorpikeII 17
unless the guy was really fat....... Ahhh!!!! MAN BOOBS!!!!
marriiee_fml 0
watchu' talking about? man boobs are hot.
VorpikeII 17
Maybe for you...
marriiee_fml 0
naw dude..for all of us
do20ss 4
of course it's a woman, she was cooking, duh....lol
VorpikeII 17
Well I'm not homosexual and I'm a guy so guys in the first place aren't hot, but I'm pretty sure if I were female Man Boobs would turn me off. I also barbeque which is a form of cooking.
marriiee_fml 0
LMAO #164. you win.
Pietje_Precies 0
I know someone who has man-boobs, so guys CAN have ****
dotty23 0
Oh my gosh. Not to be mean or anything.. but I think That's hilarious. The "losing the nipple to Potato whatever you made."
chester75 5
that awful, I don't know how you found that amusing
dotty23 0
Well, xD Idk. Although is might be awful to experience, I thought it was funny when she said losing half of an nipple to potato salad.