Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided...

By ;_; - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Hi mom!

Monetize your shit life

By alexa - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

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By SexyPlayer9 - United States

Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML

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By liu_kang - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

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By ToiletTroubles - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

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By neoteck - France

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

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By ashleeylynn - United States

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

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By food critic - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

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By Danielle - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

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By ihatecats - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

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By JeffeeBojangles - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

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By stk - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

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By someone - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

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By yashmoshin1 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

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By fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz - Sweden - Solna

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

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By AreYouSerious - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

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By housewiththinwalls - Sweden

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

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By ohhhgross - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Elora

Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML

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By illiterate - Australia

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

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By lambeaster - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

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By HMM - United States

Timewaster

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

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By Miss_Blaine - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

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By Jake Whitte - United States

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2020 05:00

Afterthought

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML

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By The horror... - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

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By Maxime - France

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

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By annoym - United States

Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML

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By Disconnected

Today, I found out that it is possible for someone else to cancel my Internet, TV and phone services in two days. However it'll take me 5 days, after 6 hours on the phone, to get it back. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

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By please don’t - 8/6/2020 02:00

The Big Book of Baby Names

Today, I had to explain to my sister in law why it’s a terrible idea to name her baby Aryan just because she likes the way it sounds. We’re all African Americans, but she still doesn’t see the issue with it. FML

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By sunitgir

Gordon Ramsey is furious

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

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By coolhand - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

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By scared2poop - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

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By whatthef - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

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By theoftrescheduled - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

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By baugy - United States - Orlando

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

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By Nessa - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while. She said there were tapes of me when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno of her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By laurisshnazzy - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

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By Biggie - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

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Top comments

By jayceejaco | 15

#5798355 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:03

You must have a face only a mother.... Never mind.

By HJKM_fml | 19

#5798354 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:03

Maybe she was just joking. Still I would talk to her and let her know those kind of comments bother you.

COMMENTS

By HJKM_fml | 19

#5798354 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:03

Maybe she was just joking. Still I would talk to her and let her know those kind of comments bother you.

By jayceejaco | 15

#5798355 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:03

You must have a face only a mother.... Never mind.

By nnnope | 26

#5798356 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:03

learn to take a joke, OP. :|

olpally | 32

#5798579 - Friday 20 December 2013 5:11

If it was a joke, this wouldn't be on FML... -__-

breakinlegs | 19

#5798590 - Friday 20 December 2013 5:29

its caricature, who cares..

hashshim | 21

#5799357 - Friday 20 December 2013 20:49

#34: it's "It's"

By renaee | 13

#5798358 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:04

Caricatures are always highly exaggerated. Don't take it too personally. :)

RawrImaDragon | 18

#5798399 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:22

"Highly exaggerated"? I'd say horribly ugly..

By adrianh1090 | 12

#5798367 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:06

She was probably joking?

By Kateyez_26 | 13

#5798368 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:06

Let her know you're a product of her ;)

Welshite | 39

#5798371 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:08

Agreed. I got my "Product of JoAnn" stamped on my rump at birth. My mother even got me patented.

MrSassypants | 32

#5798378 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:10

I was born with a Made in China sticker on my head and a barcode sticker on my ass.

Welshite | 39

#5798380 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:11

So you flash the girls whenever they check you out?

Kibaruto | 33

#5798396 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:19

Ever heard of a 'self-checkout'?

By Wizzlbang | 10

#5798382 - Friday 20 December 2013 2:14

Caricatures always look "just like" the person they're drawn as because they take any notable features about the person and exaggerate the bahoozits out of them.

You see it a lot in political cartoons.