Love: Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The...

By KC - 17/02/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 360

You deserved it 4 361

Love

Weird reason to leave, but OK

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Dementia or hate? You decide

Commando

By Bareital - 03/12/2020 04:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the same day I decided to stubbornly go commando because my lazy boyfriend hasn’t taken his turn to do our laundry in 4 days was also the day I split my shorts squatting down to pick up my bag at the bus stop. Ten strangers saw my bare asscrack, and two teenagers started cat calling me for my butt tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 1 442

By MoonStarShine3 - 09/06/2015 16:12 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 362

You deserved it 2 054

By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 466

You deserved it 23 587

By Thatkid - 18/02/2009 14:29 - Singapore

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 673

You deserved it 56 462

By Safe - 17/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 369

You deserved it 5 005

By Rachel - 12/02/2016 06:26 - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 000

You deserved it 3 728

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 508

You deserved it 3 145

By kayla53 - 29/02/2016 16:17 - United States - Elmer

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 2 124

By somuchhatesolittleworld - 10/05/2016 02:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I started my first training day using an MRI machine and completely forgot to remove my nipple piercings before I went in. I've never experienced a pain so vile and lingering in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 182

You deserved it 10 128

By Swabidizop - 18/05/2015 20:40 - United States - Greeley

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 987

You deserved it 8 025

By saintmichi - 01/02/2010 00:21 - Poland

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 093

You deserved it 27 236

I Want the One I Can't Have

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 13:59

Today, I found out that the very attractive guy who lives in the house behind mine is working from home. I know this because he waved after catching my performance of singing along to a Smiths song into my hairbrush in front of the mirror, dancing around like a five-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 294

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 840

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 12:20 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 854

You deserved it 4 310

By yum. - 10/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 285

You deserved it 4 725

Who are you?

By shannon - 02/04/2021 20:59

Today, I asked my coworker for her name. She screamed at me because apparently I'd already asked her 5 times before. I have no memory of any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 205

By ElamentalAngel - 06/05/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 299

You deserved it 83 764

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 935

You deserved it 41 848

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 15:59 - United States - De Soto

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 157

You deserved it 2 238

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 891

You deserved it 1 417

By youfuckingdumbassmum - 27/12/2012 23:20 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 626

You deserved it 4 874

Secret sex

By anonymous - 01/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 432

By estranger - 03/01/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 031

You deserved it 3 709

By jauregz - 25/05/2017 00:00 - Australia - Lalor

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 886

You deserved it 342

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 20:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 408

You deserved it 5 762

By Uh_Oh_Bro - 24/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Annandale

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 529

You deserved it 1 960

By Nikki - 08/06/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into my bathroom to my boyfriend bragging about how much better his butt looked than mine, all while wearing my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 234

By peapapeanut - 15/07/2019 20:06

Today, after months of my best friend telling me we were going to be roommates and moving to a new city together, with me trusting her, she ditched me because “everyone” told her not to live with me. She’s still moving, and we’re going to be in the same school and class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 129

By MouseChaser - 26/11/2009 09:22 - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 944

You deserved it 28 241

Worked out

By leigh - 18/06/2021 14:01

Today, three days after receiving the vaccine, I was finally able to lift weights again. At the beginning of the workout, I broke my finger. Lifting weights is the one thing that keeps me from being depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 135

By Broon - 25/05/2012 19:55 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 882

You deserved it 2 510

By Sad bitch - 18/06/2018 19:00

Today, I realized why my lavender products were no longer helping me calm down. I use lavender so much when I'm anxious that I've associated the smell with anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 677

Twice error

By rkaneki - 09/11/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 1 357

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 408

You deserved it 4 607

By oface13 - 16/04/2012 08:12 - United States

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 142

You deserved it 5 921

Menace II Society

By can’t buy her love - 22/03/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 133

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

By Moimoi78 - 01/02/2017 05:00 - Australia - Eatons Hill

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 126

You deserved it 5 071

By Rae - 02/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 209

You deserved it 2 793

By 909 - 19/09/2009 23:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 942

You deserved it 8 517

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 14:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 274

You deserved it 2 904

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

kayykatastrophii 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2009 9:32

My theory, like others have said, is that he wanted to be polite, and since he didn't know you, and didn't know if you were single or not, opted to give you one rather than asking you if you were single. Usually that's not something a priest would ask, and sounds more like someone wanting to date you would ask. Besides, if you're new he wants to be friendly and nice. And on that note, ignore #4. Church is wonderful.

atomicbaboon 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 7:54

51, I believe the hell 46 is referring to is church.

bobdole 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

greenman_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:28

Priests have the power to speak to God so God tells him who's single and who's not. Or you have the unfortunate appearance of someone who is destined to be single. I can't decide.

ThePersonWhoComm 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 July 2011 1:43

greenman posts so many comments like this ?

suxs4ulol 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 5:26

nope. sometimes he againzt masterbating and sometimes he thinks preggo threesomes r hot.

Arbosis 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

BeeHappy_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 May 2010 8:37

fail no that was not today's lesson. good luck in hell

azn_pridee69 0

Send a private message

Monday 16 August 2010 18:37

^ this

LolAtYourFail 12

Send a private message

Monday 31 January 2011 1:51

46, what hell?

atomicbaboon 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 7:54

51, I believe the hell 46 is referring to is church.

PR_babee 0

Send a private message

Saturday 2 July 2011 16:53

church is amazing. period. that pastor or whatever was probably just confused. you can't judge one church & say all churches are the same, because they aren't.

lil_ham1644 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:30

That is a really insulting thing to do for a church. They should either give a rose to everyone or to no one regardless of marital status. What about single guys who want to feel appreciated? What about married women or men who aren't appreciated by their spouse?

wakaflocka447 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2016 3:59

That is bad advice!

Hannah_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 3:49

eh better to err on the side of caution, was probably his thoughts.

karnoff 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 5:55

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

casanova_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 6:04

I don't know about the rest of you...but I go to church to meet the women. Catholic girls are such sluts its amazing. There is nothing more sexy than screwing a girl in the confessional....you get you sinning, your confessing, and she gets to do plenty of talking to god...all at once!

zachattack 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 6:33

#11 religious girls are fucking stupid though, that's the annoying part.

Hannah_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 6:34

#10- these don't get automatically posted. they're moderated first.

casanova_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 6:42

#13 oh, of course the majority are. but theres a great thing about the catholics... complete repression and huge loads of guilt and rebellion. you use em, lose them, thank the lord for the pussy he has given you, and then move on to another. eventually you can grow up and find an intelligent woman who will be way more awesome than any slut...but she will be some serious work.