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By noosher0990 - 18/02/2010 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 980

You deserved it 2 780

Galaxy brain take

By Oragami - 12/06/2020 14:07

Today, a customer told me it was bullshit we couldn't serve coffee because of the COVID restrictions, and added that the protests and riots happening are because people are bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 262

Dr Dolittle

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 18:00

Today, I went with my family to visit my aunt, who lives on a farm. My brother told me that cows are ticklish and convinced me to go up and tickle one of the cows. The cow clearly wasn’t a fan, and I ended up being chased right into a lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 156

Slimed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 2 842

By Craig - 17/02/2010 06:30 - Canada

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 470

You deserved it 33 100

Butt-dial

By I'm a recurring amateur porn consumer but this is bollocks. - 21/09/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, my father sent me a video via Whatsapp. In it, he was cheating on my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 95

Weird relationship

By Anonymous - 11/12/2022 09:00

Today, my new girlfriend introduced me to her bisexual best friend. I can’t help but find it weird that he helped her fake tan, completely naked, or the time he helped her wax her muff, also completely naked, while she waxed his balls and ass crack. This might be too weird for me to tolerate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 228

What's wrong with this picture?

By Anonymous - 13/12/2022 03:00

Spicy

Today, for the third night in a row, I went to bed sexually frustrated because my man turned me down for sex. I can’t even use a vibrator because he made it crystal clear that he does not want me using one, but refuses to have sex with me more than twice a month. I’m fit and attractive, so I don't know what his problem is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 551

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 156

You deserved it 3 281

By bit - 30/07/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 488

You deserved it 64 490

The Psychopath Test

By ji. - 28/09/2021 17:00

Today, I caught my two-year-old son dragging his baby sister, by the hair, with a smile on his face. My husband still believes there’s a possibility our son isn’t a psychopath because, and I quote, “He’s only two.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 383

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 258

You deserved it 4 195

By zuut - 18/01/2009 05:22 - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 267

You deserved it 9 340

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 248

You deserved it 1 922

Healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 11:01

Today, I’m massively depressed and I live in a state that will prosecute you for attempted suicide, but will do nothing to help you afford mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 145

By TheFreyzy - 20/02/2015 07:40 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 000

You deserved it 6 783

AfroFluff tells us more.

AfroFluff 23

Saturday 21 February 2015 0:44

Hello everybody, here is your Afro OP. First I want to say thank you for all the ones who gave me helpful advise, also this happened a while ago. I wanted to see what you guys write because I felt like I am doing something wrong. Thank you guys who wasn't trying to criticise my girlfriend. She did not throw a tantrum, nor was she mad. Some of you are right, she is insecure and that makes her silent. Well let me tell you guys what happened afterwards so I can calm you all down :) We had sex again and again and let me tell you I am less nervous but I am still not able to cum xD. She understands though it has nothing to do with me disliking her body, we had a calm discussion. Thank you again for everybody who was supportive, to be honest I was shy to post my first FML and I did not expect so many people to comment! I am excited for the next post I will make. Who knows what it will be. Afro is with you all!

By ausmill12 - 19/11/2012 06:18 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 686

You deserved it 5 226

By chloe_zjk - 18/02/2015 05:22 - France

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 198

By Asshole hornet - 28/10/2013 20:18 - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 400

You deserved it 3 507

By fmT719 - 18/12/2011 23:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 654

You deserved it 17 385

By roundemup - 11/02/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 703

You deserved it 5 222

Animalistic

By 00anon00 - 02/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 172

God don't pay my bills

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 00:00

Today, I told my fiancé that I don’t believe in God, so I won’t be going to church anymore because I’ll be picking up the Sunday shift at work. I don’t have a fiancé anymore because I’m, “a godless heathen who will burn for eternity.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 571

Jog on

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 10:59

Spicy

Today, my husband told me that the only reason he took up jogging 4 years ago was because my mother moved in next door to us and he knew it would kill my sex drive. We haven’t had sex in 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 779

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 20:14 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 104

You deserved it 2 381

By christian9294 - 08/02/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 955

You deserved it 55 767

By other woman - 21/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 589

You deserved it 5 377

By heartbroken - 08/02/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. - Mom" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 556

You deserved it 8 370

By myself - 09/02/2015 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 498

You deserved it 4 555

By Lindsay - 07/02/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 456

You deserved it 44 175

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The Top

The Top

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 065

You deserved it 2 034

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 80

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 928

You deserved it 9 103

Today, my stepmother, an uncontrolled diabetic who refuses to change her abhorrent eating habits, berated me for how "mean" I am for limiting my kids’ junk food, and making them eat a portion of vegetables with every meal. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 87

Today, my acne was so bad I got carded for a pack of lighters. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 118

Today, I'm being forced to go back to my parents', who kicked me out because they thought I was gay. I'm not. There was a misunderstanding. I don't want to go back to them because they've shown me what kind of people they are, even if I'm straight, but the police and Social Services are making me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 107