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Hello everybody, here is your Afro OP. First I want to say thank you for all the ones who gave me helpful advise, also this happened a while ago. I wanted to see what you guys write because I felt like I am doing something wrong. Thank you guys who wasn't trying to criticise my girlfriend. She did not throw a tantrum, nor was she mad. Some of you are right, she is insecure and that makes her silent. Well let me tell you guys what happened afterwards so I can calm you all down :) We had sex again and again and let me tell you I am less nervous but I am still not able to cum xD. She understands though it has nothing to do with me disliking her body, we had a calm discussion. Thank you again for everybody who was supportive, to be honest I was shy to post my first FML and I did not expect so many people to comment! I am excited for the next post I will make. Who knows what it will be. Afro is with you all!

By ausmill12 - 19/11/2012 06:18 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 688

You deserved it 5 228

M. Night Shyamalanadingdong

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 05:02

Today, I went to the bathroom after a terrible job interview. My interviewer walked in with another guy, talking about my interview, saying he was obviously going to hire the other guy because my odd-sounding name was too hard to pronounce, yet alone spell in multiple emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 585

You deserved it 174

By chloe_zjk - 18/02/2015 05:22 - France

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 198

By Asshole hornet - 28/10/2013 20:18 - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 403

You deserved it 3 507

By fmT719 - 18/12/2011 23:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 655

You deserved it 17 385

By roundemup - 11/02/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 703

You deserved it 5 222

By j0j0 - 15/01/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 785

You deserved it 3 865

Bummer

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 09:00

Today, I guess I’m really special because my body can do things others can't, like eat loads of good food and still feel weak and malnourished. Or spend 13 hours in bed and come out bleary-eyed with lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 20:14 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 104

You deserved it 2 381

By christian9294 - 08/02/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 955

You deserved it 55 770

By other woman - 21/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 591

You deserved it 5 377

By heartbroken - 08/02/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. - Mom" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 8 371

It's a doggy dog world

By FMWLife - 11/01/2023 02:00

Today, my 13 year-old daughter took our French Bulldog puppy out to pee. She left him out there and went back inside the house. She didn’t know she had to let him back in and thought he would bark at the door when he was done. It’s been two hours and he’s nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 332

By myself - 09/02/2015 13:32 - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 498

You deserved it 4 556

By mike - 07/02/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she'd carved her old boyfriend's name in her arm, and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 588

You deserved it 4 124

By Donezoo - 08/01/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 662

You deserved it 2 356

Sneaky

By Wow - 15/01/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my cat tried to steal my burger. She was successful. She grabbed the patty with her teeth and pulled it right out of the burger. I was too dumbfounded to try and stop her. I have a suspicion that she is hungry and I forgot to feed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 1 086

By anonymous - 06/02/2015 05:16 - Australia - Mitcham

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 2 360

This Alpha male shit has gone toor far

By HBC - 10/12/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 581

You deserved it 5 164

Overconfident

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of five days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 250

You deserved it 4 928

Stuck

By lilou - 03/01/2009 01:22 - France

Today, at 7 a.m., I ended up outside in a nightdress, barefoot and in the rain. I've just found out that my two-year-old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 775

You deserved it 3 944

Dopamine

By Kaya Marley Ramsey - 05/10/2021 06:00

Today, Facebook stopped working and I realized how emotionally dependent I am on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 1 096

By Lunab123 - 01/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 921

You deserved it 2 566

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Health Doctor Work Cars Transportation Miscellaneous Friends Parents Awkward Liar My ex NSFW Intimacy Art Crush Love Weird Grandparents Kids Gross Poopoo peepee Divorce Cancer Scams Tinder Cooking Annoying Money Embarrassing

The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions." Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 370

You deserved it 9 479

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 884

You deserved it 804 302

Random

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 874

You deserved it 1 219

Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 047

You deserved it 1 770

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 254

You deserved it 7 810

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 981

You deserved it 115 468

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 226

Today, on the way to an exam, I got hit by a car. I got back up and limped to class. The teacher wouldn’t let me in because I was 10 seconds late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 93