Transportation: Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses.... - FML

By JohnMackSquirts - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31938

You deserved it

115174

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Walk on the wild side

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

By That escalated quickly.

Today, I was excited by the thought of the bathroom in my rental being replaced after the plumber advised that the leak can't be easily fixed. Instead, the owner's decided to fully renovate and is kicking me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3887

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

By batman - 4/7/2020 02:02

How do magnets work?

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1546

You deserved it

80

Tweet

Share

By redneckpunk - United States - Schaumburg

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31584

You deserved it

2664

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22420

You deserved it

31650

Tweet

Share

By pink_cupcakes - Australia

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51769

You deserved it

4762

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29735

You deserved it

3827

Tweet

Share

By idontbleedfromthere - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22900

You deserved it

2165

Tweet

Share

By limegreengiraffe - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44366

You deserved it

7260

Tweet

Share

By only my life - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53705

You deserved it

6705

Tweet

Share

By Nofun - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58937

You deserved it

5549

Tweet

Share

By ambrosia

Today, I saw my boyfriend cutting the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

643

You deserved it

1770

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55068

You deserved it

3972

Tweet

Share

By elfy2

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44059

You deserved it

3414

Tweet

Share

By I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35675

You deserved it

7583

Tweet

Share

By Sad guy - 8/1/2021 20:01 - United States - Baltimore

Brotherly love

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

I agree, your life sucks

593

You deserved it

196

Tweet

Share

By anon - Canada - Saint John

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60084

You deserved it

3847

Tweet

Share

By BenjiFurImmer

Today, I found out that when my uncle died, he left me and the rest of my family £2000 each. Only my parents kept and spent my share on themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2287

You deserved it

108

Tweet

Share

By mjohnston - United States

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61491

You deserved it

13595

Tweet

Share

By Co-B - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15826

You deserved it

60701

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43257

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24853

You deserved it

3955

Tweet

Share

By Sunshinenwhiskey - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13688

You deserved it

965

Tweet

Share

By theapplesleader - United States - Washington

Yucky!

Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

3667

Tweet

Share

By vishuzzbabe77 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10416

You deserved it

41579

Tweet

Share

By ButtWorthSingingBout - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28099

You deserved it

5559

Tweet

Share

By nycplywood - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18363

You deserved it

32001

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

I agree, your life sucks

35692

You deserved it

4349

Tweet

Share

By Ticklish - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45579

You deserved it

4431

Tweet

Share

By fulloshit - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35967

You deserved it

4566

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Get where you can!

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53300

You deserved it

9749

Tweet

Share

By RatCityChick - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30327

You deserved it

4841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43757

You deserved it

12149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10607

You deserved it

34459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Newnan

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37799

You deserved it

10011

Tweet

Share

By losercancer - 23/4/2021 23:30 - Georgia

You helped her see the light

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

747

You deserved it

183

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36589

You deserved it

2760

Tweet

Share

By ;_;" - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45789

You deserved it

10545

Tweet

Share

By Lonely - New Zealand

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32029

You deserved it

5658

Tweet

Share

By theboywithlonghair - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45902

You deserved it

6881

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33620

You deserved it

15139

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mylifesucks_alot | 0

#42744 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:04

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Excuse me for laughing because that really is terrible, but you have no idea how f*cking funny that is.

Still, I hope the dog is okay.

By jrod_fml | 0

#42750 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:07

How terrible! But, honestly, you shouldn't be playing ball in the house. Didn't you're parents teach you anything?

COMMENTS

By kamikaze_fml | 0

#42739 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:03

HAHAHA thats just dumb, get contacts fool.

By mylifesucks_alot | 0

#42744 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

futtgoredo | 0

#860627 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:27

I dont

Reply

englandaj | 0

#884512 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:25

me either. never liked poodles

Reply

ladypatience93 | 2

#984505 - Sunday 25 April 2010 6:31

isiot

Reply

haleyisawsomee | 0

#987086 - Sunday 2 May 2010 1:01

:0 asshole!!!!

Reply

hubbabubbba | 0

#1000084 - Friday 21 May 2010 4:36

wow....

Reply

Sammyb123 | 0

#1027488 - Friday 11 June 2010 9:48

Oh my god, I haven't laughed so hard in ages

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1030501 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 2:49

you all are horrible. you people that hate dogs. that's just mean and misdirected. and op for killing a little, innocent, dog.

Reply

queencitystoner | 0

#1041965 - Thursday 24 June 2010 23:34

omg this made my day

Reply

iEnvade | 2

#2534228 - Thursday 19 May 2011 17:53

249 - I don't believe OP said they killed the dog.. and you know nothing about the dog, so don't go making assumptions.

Reply

4everblackjack | 10

#3138522 - Friday 19 August 2011 10:19

LMFAO I laughed so hard too :,)

Reply

Ghostsofascalon | 4

#3375686 - Sunday 2 October 2011 9:30

A small dog usually doesn't survive a hard kick and falling down a flight of stairs… Karma is going to hit you like a bitch OP.

Reply

littlecuntcats | 6

#4486007 - Sunday 27 May 2012 1:24

Did it say he killed it?

Reply

MasterGamer591 | 13

#4624949 - Thursday 28 June 2012 8:49

If you had blurry eyes and thought it was a soccer all does that make you a bad person to?

Reply

Cyanide03 | 7

#5266591 - Friday 21 December 2012 6:07

My little cousin threw his grandma's toy chihuahua down a flight of stairs. Surprisingly she was unscathed; shocked and afraid, but okay.

Reply

czyk_it | 5

#5915117 - Tuesday 15 April 2014 7:42

Im a dog lover. Currently have a 10 yr old black lab/golden retriever mix. She's cutest friendliest dog ever. Love spending time on walks and spoiling her with attention. Even I laughed at OPs fml. I do hope the dog is ok

Reply

xxlowsnip3rxx | 16

#6047414 - Monday 25 August 2014 15:04

are you fucking moronic!? he didn't say it died you fucking failed abortion

Reply

quickit | 24

#6138174 - Sunday 7 December 2014 23:40

I cringed up when reading this

By jrod_fml | 0

#42750 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:07

How terrible! But, honestly, you shouldn't be playing ball in the house. Didn't you're parents teach you anything?

Reply

fatalkiss | 0

#934619 - Thursday 11 March 2010 3:51

lmao he kicked it out of his way, not just for fun.

I LOLed

Reply

blankaex | 0

#1206588 - Sunday 8 August 2010 5:44

Kicked it out of the way? How hard is it to step OVER a soccer ball?

Reply

PaperCaper | 11

#1750789 - Thursday 25 November 2010 18:16

It wouldn't matter if he just kicked it out of the way, but he had to FORCEFULLY kick it out of frustration. Also, apparently in the direction of a staircase.

By Jimboom | 11

#42758 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:10

ROFL!! Top FML.

But yea, seriously, get contacts. Or stop being an idiot and kicking balls inside the house. Just imagine, if it had been a ball it could have done a lot of damage to their things... not just their dog.

Reply

PurpleLlamas | 0

#1036589 - Sunday 20 June 2010 7:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

caleb_9756 | 14

#6164370 - Tuesday 6 January 2015 6:03

#252, Did.. Did you even read the FML?

By photographygal | 0

#42764 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:12

all i can say is "woooooooow"

By tehhotness | 0

#42766 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:13

HAHA, the only way this could be better is if it flew out an open window

Reply

infinitewisdom | 4

#5443101 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 18:36

You're an idiot.

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902206 - Thursday 30 April 2020 15:09

Agreed.

By triiku | 0

#42771 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:14

i don't even care if the dog's okay! That's just farking hilarious. Chances are the little shit of a dog deserved it anyways. i hate poodles.

By mrcarmine | 0

#42772 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:16

didn't your mother teach not to play ball in the house?

By fmlplz | 0

#42775 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2725706 - Monday 20 June 2011 22:51

that's horrible

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2725714 - Monday 20 June 2011 22:54

that's horrible

By harliedog | 0

#42780 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:18

screw you man i love that poodle i hope someone kicks you straight in the nuts and you fall down some stairs if you a woman, i hope someone annihilates your ovaries