Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses.... - FML

By JohnMackSquirts - 19/3/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

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All for nothing

Toxic parents

Lockdown is driving us down

By Anonymous - 2/9/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

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By FML_Elle - 6/10/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

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By kittyfiddlernono - 23/6/2013 19:39 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2009 13:53 - Australia

OCD

Today, I decided to dress up sexy for my boyfriend. I put on cute undies and a corset because they made the most of my assets. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "The colours don't match." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was in a huge traffic jam with my boyfriend due to heavy snowfall. After being in the car for 4 hours, we were stuck in a tunnel with hundreds of cars behind and in front of us. Then the diarrhea hit. I had to shit in a plastic bag in the car. FML

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By Sadman - 23/4/2011 08:37 - Canada

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 13:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

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By insulted - 15/11/2011 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was denied membership to an all-women's gym. Why? Because "men are not permitted to join". I am and have always been female. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2012 18:28 - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

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By Mak10 - 10/12/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

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By TrappedInSchool - 28/7/2018 12:30 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

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By naladetet - 23/11/2014 08:31 - United States - Newark

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 23:00

Sharing is caring

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

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By unknown - 9/11/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

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By ac-hoo - 4/2/2012 14:52 - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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By girlthatstoofat - 29/10/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

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By Bad Mother - 8/10/2015 11:53 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

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By not mine! - 16/6/2020 05:07

It wasn't me

Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to break up with my boyfriend and kick him out after his second relapse. A few hours later, I had police banging down my door. To get back at me, my now ex had called the cops and anonymously reported all the drugs he’d hidden around my house. FML

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By kstaa - 10/2/2010 11:47 - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

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By Dora - 12/10/2009 13:21 - Canada

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

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By modprobs - 3/8/2018 01:30

Perfect timing...

Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 18:00

Chewbacca goes surfing

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

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By fleatitting fame - 4/7/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Lovely parents

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

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By Heavy D - 6/9/2012 13:45 - United States

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 20:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

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By dumped - 10/3/2011 21:42 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 17:01

Take the compliment

Today, I was working in the yard and took off my shirt. My neighbor yelled, "Nice tits!" I'm a dude. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 17:07 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

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By thenegatives - 9/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

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By chlolivia - 14/2/2012 00:28 - Canada

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML

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By Sybille - 6/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

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By Queso Dog - 2/10/2012 14:42 - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

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By hwscrewed - 10/11/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

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By MumMatters - 9/9/2016 10:26 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

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By AquaRevolver - 25/5/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

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By sally - 4/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

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Top comments

By mylifesucks_alot | 0

#42744 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:04

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Excuse me for laughing because that really is terrible, but you have no idea how f*cking funny that is.

Still, I hope the dog is okay.

By jrod_fml | 0

#42750 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:07

How terrible! But, honestly, you shouldn't be playing ball in the house. Didn't you're parents teach you anything?

COMMENTS

By kamikaze_fml | 0

#42739 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:03

HAHAHA thats just dumb, get contacts fool.

By mylifesucks_alot | 0

#42744 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

futtgoredo | 0

#860627 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:27

I dont

Reply

englandaj | 0

#884512 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:25

me either. never liked poodles

Reply

ladypatience93 | 2

#984505 - Sunday 25 April 2010 6:31

isiot

Reply

haleyisawsomee | 0

#987086 - Sunday 2 May 2010 1:01

:0 asshole!!!!

Reply

hubbabubbba | 0

#1000084 - Friday 21 May 2010 4:36

wow....

Reply

Sammyb123 | 0

#1027488 - Friday 11 June 2010 9:48

Oh my god, I haven't laughed so hard in ages

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1030501 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 2:49

you all are horrible. you people that hate dogs. that's just mean and misdirected. and op for killing a little, innocent, dog.

Reply

queencitystoner | 0

#1041965 - Thursday 24 June 2010 23:34

omg this made my day

Reply

iEnvade | 2

#2534228 - Thursday 19 May 2011 17:53

249 - I don't believe OP said they killed the dog.. and you know nothing about the dog, so don't go making assumptions.

Reply

4everblackjack | 10

#3138522 - Friday 19 August 2011 10:19

LMFAO I laughed so hard too :,)

Reply

Ghostsofascalon | 4

#3375686 - Sunday 2 October 2011 9:30

A small dog usually doesn't survive a hard kick and falling down a flight of stairs… Karma is going to hit you like a bitch OP.

Reply

littlecuntcats | 6

#4486007 - Sunday 27 May 2012 1:24

Did it say he killed it?

Reply

MasterGamer591 | 13

#4624949 - Thursday 28 June 2012 8:49

If you had blurry eyes and thought it was a soccer all does that make you a bad person to?

Reply

Cyanide03 | 7

#5266591 - Friday 21 December 2012 6:07

My little cousin threw his grandma's toy chihuahua down a flight of stairs. Surprisingly she was unscathed; shocked and afraid, but okay.

Reply

czyk_it | 5

#5915117 - Tuesday 15 April 2014 7:42

Im a dog lover. Currently have a 10 yr old black lab/golden retriever mix. She's cutest friendliest dog ever. Love spending time on walks and spoiling her with attention. Even I laughed at OPs fml. I do hope the dog is ok

Reply

xxlowsnip3rxx | 16

#6047414 - Monday 25 August 2014 15:04

are you fucking moronic!? he didn't say it died you fucking failed abortion

Reply

quickit | 24

#6138174 - Sunday 7 December 2014 23:40

I cringed up when reading this

By jrod_fml | 0

#42750 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:07

How terrible! But, honestly, you shouldn't be playing ball in the house. Didn't you're parents teach you anything?

Reply

fatalkiss | 0

#934619 - Thursday 11 March 2010 3:51

lmao he kicked it out of his way, not just for fun.

I LOLed

Reply

blankaex | 0

#1206588 - Sunday 8 August 2010 5:44

Kicked it out of the way? How hard is it to step OVER a soccer ball?

Reply

PaperCaper | 11

#1750789 - Thursday 25 November 2010 18:16

It wouldn't matter if he just kicked it out of the way, but he had to FORCEFULLY kick it out of frustration. Also, apparently in the direction of a staircase.

By Jimboom | 11

#42758 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:10

ROFL!! Top FML.

But yea, seriously, get contacts. Or stop being an idiot and kicking balls inside the house. Just imagine, if it had been a ball it could have done a lot of damage to their things... not just their dog.

Reply

PurpleLlamas | 0

#1036589 - Sunday 20 June 2010 7:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

caleb_9756 | 14

#6164370 - Tuesday 6 January 2015 6:03

#252, Did.. Did you even read the FML?

By photographygal | 0

#42764 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:12

all i can say is "woooooooow"

By tehhotness | 0

#42766 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:13

HAHA, the only way this could be better is if it flew out an open window

Reply

infinitewisdom | 4

#5443101 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 18:36

You're an idiot.

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902206 - Thursday 30 April 2020 15:09

Agreed.

By triiku | 0

#42771 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:14

i don't even care if the dog's okay! That's just farking hilarious. Chances are the little shit of a dog deserved it anyways. i hate poodles.

By mrcarmine | 0

#42772 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:16

didn't your mother teach not to play ball in the house?

By fmlplz | 0

#42775 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:17

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2725706 - Monday 20 June 2011 22:51

that's horrible

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2725714 - Monday 20 June 2011 22:54

that's horrible

By harliedog | 0

#42780 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:18

screw you man i love that poodle i hope someone kicks you straight in the nuts and you fall down some stairs if you a woman, i hope someone annihilates your ovaries