Transportation: Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses.... - FML

By JohnMackSquirts - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31932

You deserved it

115142

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Messed up

Rock, hard place

By SterlingEnigma - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37155

You deserved it

7331

Tweet

Share

By meatballz - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17319

You deserved it

43192

Tweet

Share

By Ouch

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2575

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11929

You deserved it

51582

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to spray my open window with the hose. RIP my laptop, phone, school books, wooden desk, my entire bookshelf, and my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58167

You deserved it

5041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/4/2020 14:03

Almost there

Today, I discovered that my contract start date is exactly 2 days outside of the furlough date. Meaning instead of taking 80% of my salary, I'm only getting 40% (thanks to the company). This would be fine if I hadn't just moved countries to get this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1459

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By Something I said? - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29962

You deserved it

58824

Tweet

Share

By SugarMyBalls - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47392

You deserved it

3136

Tweet

Share

By awkward - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3193

You deserved it

314

Tweet

Share

By Sadasian - United States

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48038

You deserved it

4081

Tweet

Share

By TheJoker - United States

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62532

You deserved it

3178

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Is it slander or libel?

Today, I posted a review, on a strictly anonymous site, about a doctor I went to see for my anxiety but who actually made me worse. A while later, the same doctor called my home phone, addressed me by my full name and threatened to sue me for slander if I didn't take down the review. All of which was 100% true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1931

You deserved it

156

Tweet

Share

By NotDrunk - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21640

You deserved it

2582

Tweet

Share

By Who-is-living-with-whom

Today, my mother finally finalized her divorce! Unfortunately, she'll have to sell the house, and when she does, she'll move in with me. I only moved out a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11636

You deserved it

904

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27177

You deserved it

49441

Tweet

Share

By soliveyerlife - United States

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66925

You deserved it

127902

Tweet

Share

By Lola - United Kingdom

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8480

You deserved it

37979

Tweet

Share

By JohnyP - United States

Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44391

You deserved it

3507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents gave me my birthday present. Two weeks ago, I ordered an xbox online. Three days ago, it came to my house, and my parents thought they could save money by putting wrapping paper on it, and giving it to me for my birthday. That's all they got me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36034

You deserved it

3457

Tweet

Share

By Hairy_Potter - Brazil - S?o Paulo

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41420

You deserved it

3919

Tweet

Share

By Sam - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52774

You deserved it

4441

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35657

You deserved it

8645

Tweet

Share

By depresso - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

115895

You deserved it

5070

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lutz

Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50035

You deserved it

25739

Tweet

Share

By insomniac - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47214

You deserved it

4717

Tweet

Share

By CatofSteel

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4808

You deserved it

550

Tweet

Share

By CasaDeLoser - United States - Kent

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30967

You deserved it

3293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45282

You deserved it

3885

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32827

You deserved it

2921

Tweet

Share

By Jaayoung23 - France

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22546

You deserved it

4372

Tweet

Share

By imblue42 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25166

You deserved it

3678

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59374

You deserved it

7344

Tweet

Share

By kodijack - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8642

You deserved it

35073

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24452

You deserved it

1975

Tweet

Share

By motherdearest - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76180

You deserved it

6943

Tweet

Share

By fannylover - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35987

You deserved it

3007

Tweet

Share

By wilsmith - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14520

You deserved it

26512

Tweet

Share

By Joey

Today, I stepped outside my house for the first time in a year, trying to socialize again. I broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2567

You deserved it

293

Tweet

Share

By coolest_mom

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27396

You deserved it

2871

Tweet

Share

By screwed - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks

36536

You deserved it

5383

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mylifesucks_alot | 0

#42744 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:04

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Excuse me for laughing because that really is terrible, but you have no idea how f*cking funny that is.

Still, I hope the dog is okay.

By jrod_fml | 0

#42750 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:07

How terrible! But, honestly, you shouldn't be playing ball in the house. Didn't you're parents teach you anything?

COMMENTS

By kamikaze_fml | 0

#42739 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:03

HAHAHA thats just dumb, get contacts fool.

By mylifesucks_alot | 0

#42744 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

futtgoredo | 0

#860627 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:27

I dont

Reply

englandaj | 0

#884512 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:25

me either. never liked poodles

Reply

ladypatience93 | 2

#984505 - Sunday 25 April 2010 6:31

isiot

Reply

haleyisawsomee | 0

#987086 - Sunday 2 May 2010 1:01

:0 asshole!!!!

Reply

hubbabubbba | 0

#1000084 - Friday 21 May 2010 4:36

wow....

Reply

Sammyb123 | 0

#1027488 - Friday 11 June 2010 9:48

Oh my god, I haven't laughed so hard in ages

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1030501 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 2:49

you all are horrible. you people that hate dogs. that's just mean and misdirected. and op for killing a little, innocent, dog.

Reply

queencitystoner | 0

#1041965 - Thursday 24 June 2010 23:34

omg this made my day

Reply

iEnvade | 2

#2534228 - Thursday 19 May 2011 17:53

249 - I don't believe OP said they killed the dog.. and you know nothing about the dog, so don't go making assumptions.

Reply

4everblackjack | 10

#3138522 - Friday 19 August 2011 10:19

LMFAO I laughed so hard too :,)

Reply

Ghostsofascalon | 4

#3375686 - Sunday 2 October 2011 9:30

A small dog usually doesn't survive a hard kick and falling down a flight of stairs… Karma is going to hit you like a bitch OP.

Reply

littlecuntcats | 6

#4486007 - Sunday 27 May 2012 1:24

Did it say he killed it?

Reply

MasterGamer591 | 13

#4624949 - Thursday 28 June 2012 8:49

If you had blurry eyes and thought it was a soccer all does that make you a bad person to?

Reply

Cyanide03 | 7

#5266591 - Friday 21 December 2012 6:07

My little cousin threw his grandma's toy chihuahua down a flight of stairs. Surprisingly she was unscathed; shocked and afraid, but okay.

Reply

czyk_it | 5

#5915117 - Tuesday 15 April 2014 7:42

Im a dog lover. Currently have a 10 yr old black lab/golden retriever mix. She's cutest friendliest dog ever. Love spending time on walks and spoiling her with attention. Even I laughed at OPs fml. I do hope the dog is ok

Reply

xxlowsnip3rxx | 16

#6047414 - Monday 25 August 2014 15:04

are you fucking moronic!? he didn't say it died you fucking failed abortion

Reply

quickit | 24

#6138174 - Sunday 7 December 2014 23:40

I cringed up when reading this

By jrod_fml | 0

#42750 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:07

How terrible! But, honestly, you shouldn't be playing ball in the house. Didn't you're parents teach you anything?

Reply

fatalkiss | 0

#934619 - Thursday 11 March 2010 3:51

lmao he kicked it out of his way, not just for fun.

I LOLed

Reply

blankaex | 0

#1206588 - Sunday 8 August 2010 5:44

Kicked it out of the way? How hard is it to step OVER a soccer ball?

Reply

PaperCaper | 11

#1750789 - Thursday 25 November 2010 18:16

It wouldn't matter if he just kicked it out of the way, but he had to FORCEFULLY kick it out of frustration. Also, apparently in the direction of a staircase.

By Jimboom | 11

#42758 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:10

ROFL!! Top FML.

But yea, seriously, get contacts. Or stop being an idiot and kicking balls inside the house. Just imagine, if it had been a ball it could have done a lot of damage to their things... not just their dog.

Reply

PurpleLlamas | 0

#1036589 - Sunday 20 June 2010 7:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

caleb_9756 | 14

#6164370 - Tuesday 6 January 2015 6:03

#252, Did.. Did you even read the FML?

By photographygal | 0

#42764 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:12

all i can say is "woooooooow"

By tehhotness | 0

#42766 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:13

HAHA, the only way this could be better is if it flew out an open window

Reply

infinitewisdom | 4

#5443101 - Wednesday 10 April 2013 18:36

You're an idiot.

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902206 - Thursday 30 April 2020 15:09

Agreed.

By triiku | 0

#42771 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:14

i don't even care if the dog's okay! That's just farking hilarious. Chances are the little shit of a dog deserved it anyways. i hate poodles.

By mrcarmine | 0

#42772 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:16

didn't your mother teach not to play ball in the house?

By fmlplz | 0

#42775 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:17

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2725706 - Monday 20 June 2011 22:51

that's horrible

Reply

wingsfan19 | 2

#2725714 - Monday 20 June 2011 22:54

that's horrible

By harliedog | 0

#42780 - Thursday 19 March 2009 16:18

screw you man i love that poodle i hope someone kicks you straight in the nuts and you fall down some stairs if you a woman, i hope someone annihilates your ovaries