Animals: Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 15

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 126

06/02/2015 05:16

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 617

You deserved it 2 323

Stop talking!

Good kid

This Charming Man

19/08/2009 00:23

Spicy

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 976

You deserved it 5 305

18/07/2019 04:00

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 151

05/08/2015 17:35

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 273

You deserved it 2 538

13/08/2011 19:12

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 6 305

23/12/2009 20:48

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 729

You deserved it 45 957

Welcome to hell

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 15:01

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 86

11/11/2013 10:36

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 869

You deserved it 3 205

10/11/2015 22:50

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 827

You deserved it 1 659

14/12/2018 17:30

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 214

19/09/2016 17:31

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 513

You deserved it 1 877

14/02/2011 20:25

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 793

You deserved it 7 225

05/09/2015 04:58

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 426

You deserved it 2 363

16/03/2009 17:29

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 205

You deserved it 179 524

22/08/2010 06:58

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 670

You deserved it 14 060

13/09/2012 03:58

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 101

You deserved it 36 500

Skinny love

By maryann - 13/01/2021 08:01

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 207

07/12/2009 06:36

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 963

You deserved it 47 488

Wow, thanks, I'm cured!

By Anonymous - 25/07/2020 17:01

Today, my dad told me that I'm a weak and negative person because I suffer from depression and anxiety, then he told me to just snap out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 202

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 068

You deserved it 1 920

03/04/2009 05:10

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 514

You deserved it 59 987

02/01/2012 15:38

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 5 677

22/10/2015 14:05

Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 5 329

06/10/2016 18:59

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 873

You deserved it 976

17/06/2013 17:52

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 199

You deserved it 3 301

02/09/2015 02:39

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 670

You deserved it 2 003

Unionize

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 427

24/09/2009 09:50

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 413

You deserved it 50 960

13/03/2010 05:14

Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment, when I came across a lacy black thong in the laundry. When confronted, he swore it was his. I don't know what's worse, the possibility that another woman left it there, or the idea that my boyfriend owns and wears women's lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 341

You deserved it 3 237

Everybody needs good neighbours

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 17:02

Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 110

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02

Spicy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 271

You deserved it 3 216

26/09/2011 18:52

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 965

You deserved it 3 533

25/07/2013 05:47

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 473

You deserved it 3 709

07/12/2016 13:07

Today, I went for a trial shift somewhere perfect for me to work. I knew loads about the place and how they worked. The trial shift went really well. Not even 2 hours after my shift, they rung to tell me I'd lost out to someone who swore at a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 313

You deserved it 576

Record breakers

By DamnDominoes - 10/06/2009 11:39

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 888

You deserved it 31 939

20/05/2015 16:17

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 2 258

04/11/2017 15:00

Today, I woke up with chest pain. It hurt just to breathe, but my parents made me go to school. We're sitting in the emergency room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 598

You deserved it 253

28/11/2012 17:43

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 2 409

12/09/2010 11:34

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 501

You deserved it 4 906

04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 671

Getting through this

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 13:01

Today, just three weeks after my wife died, I received a substantial life insurance payment. Do I laugh or cry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 92

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:08

What grown man brings their cat to work

Jasim 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:18

It would be a shame if someone left the door open.

Comments

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Friday 6 February 2015 10:42

Can you report him?

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:25

Life isn't as easy as that.

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Friday 6 February 2015 10:47

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

thevelociraptor 31

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:27

Wtf?! Do you even have a subconscious? Gosh, that's enough internet for me for a while.

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:44

Gosh I said "landing" as in it survive on its feet. I love kitties :(

jerryj 27

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:54

So, by your logic, you express your love by throwing said persons/objects out the window?

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Friday 6 February 2015 12:05

Yes. Love is pain. Let me love you with my knife. Then a window landing.

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Friday 6 February 2015 14:44

Do you know what sarcasm is number 17?

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Friday 6 February 2015 15:39

I think you mean "conscience."

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Saturday 7 February 2015 1:00

Well 33, you don't.

YourOpinionSucks 22

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Sunday 9 August 2015 11:40

Throw it out of the window? Nah, open the window and place it on the floor and let it run away? Definitely. He wouldn't be able to do shit against OP anyways because of the no pets policy. Should read "Today I was too pussy to stand up to my boss. FML." See what I did there?

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Friday 6 February 2015 10:50

Shoulda turned the blame back around

VeganDarkLight 31

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Friday 6 February 2015 10:57

For what?

pureportedpear 27

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Friday 6 February 2015 10:58

Have you considered finding a new job? I would never work under a boss, who blames his own eployees for something that is obiosly his own fault, for more than necessary to find a new workplace

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Friday 6 February 2015 13:47

Thats almost every boss ever lol

HyunnK 18

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Saturday 7 February 2015 1:18

Said no one ever #6

xxNIGHTxx_fml 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 10:58

Wait, your boss thinks you seriously peed on the floor? I'm sorry for your idiotic boss, OP!

VeganDarkLight 31

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:00

I don't think so. He/she knows it was his cat, but he blames OP for not holding it back from peeing on the floor.

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:03

There seems to be a streak of idiotic bosses recently :-/ I hope you're able to report him or something for that OP.

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:08

What grown man brings their cat to work

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:10

YES!!!

ilovesoccer1610 31

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Friday 6 February 2015 12:44

Louis Litt does

HyunnK 18

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Saturday 7 February 2015 1:20

That grow man does. But cats can be pretty cool.

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Saturday 7 February 2015 1:21

You just got Kitt- I mean, Litt up.

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:09

Your boss is an idiot. Everyone knows you don't leave crazy pussy unsupervised.

Jasim 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:18

It would be a shame if someone left the door open.

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:25

Or opened up an air vent?

Jasim 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 11:48

I like the way you think.