The Top

Op here, first of all, thanks for the support. Mostly. It's not actual depression, just feeling rather miserable about it all, especially as many of my friends are all in happy relationships that I see every day. We dated for just over three months, and I guess the main reason I'm still upset is that she was my first proper girlfriend, first kiss, and at the risk of sounding a bit too pathetic, my first love. To those saying that I should get out and find a hobby, I do. I play the French horn in and out of school, and I'm in the Air Training Corps, which takes up nearly all my free time. The only problem is, she does exactly the same, so I still see her every day and we regularly have camps together, so it's hard to avoid her. Saying that, we are still friends, and the break up was very calm, so there are no hard feeling between us. Anyway, sorry for the long comment, and thanks for getting this posted!

Facebook of what?

By TheOtherWoman - 18/01/2013 17:21 - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 323

You deserved it 3 351

So sorry

By Karen - 31/08/2009 14:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 919

You deserved it 4 835

By shygurl434 - 15/03/2010 09:14 - United States

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 322

You deserved it 3 671

By screwedhousemate - 28/03/2011 11:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 947

You deserved it 4 286

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 454

You deserved it 10 283

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 065

You deserved it 35 274

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 509

You deserved it 2 091

By bregaja - 25/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 871

You deserved it 1 627

By pplsuck - 25/09/2012 23:57 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 343

You deserved it 2 784

Gift of the gab

By Nicole - 13/12/2014 15:20 - United States

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 380

You deserved it 7 301

By wjones - 15/12/2009 15:06 - United States

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 528

You deserved it 33 810

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 598

You deserved it 51 134

Bad start

By Anonymous - 04/08/2014 23:04 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 299

You deserved it 9 196

Pranked, level 2000

By Poopyhead - 08/11/2009 19:14 - Ireland

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 764

You deserved it 15 749

Thanks for your help

By cootiequeen - 01/06/2014 04:13 - United States

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 595

You deserved it 4 609

By Cat vs. Dog - 28/04/2014 21:03 - United States - Laramie

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 210

You deserved it 5 075

By can't sleep - 18/03/2014 08:36 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 833

You deserved it 4 151

Thanks, I guess

By joAnne - 03/03/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 827

You deserved it 4 182

Use it wisely

By armywife980 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, after teaching my 4 year-old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming, "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 446

You deserved it 7 947

Knackered

By Anonymous - 27/02/2012 12:36 - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 325

You deserved it 3 284

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 600

You deserved it 46 314

Bratz

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 15:07 - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 859

You deserved it 921

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 325

You deserved it 6 273

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Transportation Cars Love Money LGBTQIA+ Awkward My ex Miscellaneous Weird Cooking Gross AITA Bodyshaming Sex Health Poopoo peepee Family Vacation Intimacy Relatable Kids Death Mother in law I need your advice Break-ups Embarrassing Food Teachers School Clumsy

The Top

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 096

You deserved it 11 508

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 544

You deserved it 2 522

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 240

You deserved it 29 489

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 553

You deserved it 2 371

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My boyfriend is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 672

Today, my fiancé left for a 6-month deployment overseas. I waved him away, came back inside alone, and cried. I know this is what I signed up for, but the cat could've shown more sympathy than staring at me and walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 606