Miscellaneous: Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable...

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 59

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

By anonymous - 10/06/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 667

You deserved it 4 647

By Robert - 27/12/2017 15:00

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 834

You deserved it 1 320

By faeliality - 15/10/2016 05:54 - United States

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 960

You deserved it 1 406

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 146

The thanks you get

By ashy.kinz - 01/11/2021 20:00

Today, while cat-sitting at a very nice house, I noticed an outlet had started smoking. I called 911 and got it taken care of, but the homeowners want me to pay for the electrician, since it happened while I was there. They only paid me $40 for the weekend and the electrician wants $350. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 71

By fme - 08/12/2010 14:34 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 034

You deserved it 6 289

By funny? - 06/09/2016 04:43 - United States - Cupertino

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home I realized I'd put it in my other binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 368

You deserved it 3 216

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 219

You deserved it 2 855

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 044

You deserved it 1 712

By Unemployed - 21/09/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my grandma picked up the phone. It was a man asking to speak to me. Instead of giving me the phone she decides to hang up on him, thinking it was some guy trying to "get with me." It turned out to be the call I've been waiting all week for... a call from a huge company about a job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 676

You deserved it 2 733

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 15:20 - United States

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 513

You deserved it 4 252

By everysingleone - 16/01/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I found out that every single picture that I have ever sent to my boyfriend, his father has also received. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 638

You deserved it 29 241

By arekusa - 23/06/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 3 467

Social distancing gone wrong

By bananapie69 - 10/04/2020 20:00

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 685

By me - 02/01/2016 08:25 - United States - Opelousas

Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 326

You deserved it 3 790

By Heidi Jeanette - 14/11/2017 01:30

Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 803

You deserved it 4 744

By WhatTheBleep - 09/04/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my now-ex slept with his not-so-ex the day before our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 366

You deserved it 3 522

Bad omen

By nycgirl424 - 05/02/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years sent me a text message saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 546

You deserved it 3 156

By cunting cuntface of a boss - 25/02/2014 20:42 - Australia

Today, I had to proofread a document my boss had written. When I pointed out that he spelled "college" as "collage" multiple times, he angrily accused me of trying to make him look stupid. This is the guy who constantly boasts about his "genius" IQ level to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 081

You deserved it 3 462

Road rage

By howannoying - 16/02/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 3 888

By MUemma - 26/02/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 818

You deserved it 48 190

By yapDogs - 10/05/2015 01:43 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 367

The patriarchy rules

By hyphen - 09/12/2020 18:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was talking to a new friend when I told him my last name. It’s hyphenated. He then left and declared me to be a "stuck-up bitch" who thinks she’s "too good to take a man’s last name." This is the name I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 87

By The Doc - 07/06/2016 22:41

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 555

You deserved it 1 366

By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 029

You deserved it 38 494

By meg265 - 24/10/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 028

You deserved it 9 117

By lectro - 24/11/2008 06:08 - France

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 419

You deserved it 3 740

By KillMeNow - 09/06/2017 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my visiting mother-in-law announced she plans on moving to our state and living next door. When I said that's not going to happen, she chuckled and said, "It's happening, Kate." Kate is my husband's ex-girlfriend from 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 204

You deserved it 326

The kindness of strangers

By Anonymous - 25/12/2021 10:59

Today, the stranger I sat next to on a plane was a better father to my son in three hours than my worthless boyfriend has been in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 411

By Wheresthebeefz - 01/02/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I tried to save a dying bird I found on the sidewalk. I got a parking ticket for $114 in front of the animal hospital. I later found out the bird died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 7 885

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 080

You deserved it 3 723

By Redhead4life - 18/03/2012 00:48 - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 823

You deserved it 2 862

I'm not a monster, I'm a human being

By Casey - 18/03/2021 11:01

Today, on vacation my wife asked if I wanted her to take my picture. I realized it was the first time in our 10 years she had asked me that question. Moments later I realized it's the first time in my life that anyone's ever asked me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 91

By kkt - 25/04/2013 04:54 - United States - Granbury

Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 701

You deserved it 4 529

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 847

You deserved it 7 804

By toadface - 04/08/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 455

You deserved it 7 947

By lpspann87 - 24/09/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 034

You deserved it 2 564

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 16:54 - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 943

You deserved it 11 699

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 792

You deserved it 34 566

By NoJobNovember - 06/11/2014 19:09 - United States - Wadsworth

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 524

You deserved it 38 166

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Top comments

TweetAnne 13

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:11

Lighten up. He just wanted 2012 to go out with a bang. You'll laugh later

erin1994 9

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:11

I don't get how op deserved it? It's not his fault his brother isn't smart Edit: sorry there were More you deserve it's, than your life sucks when I wrote this

erin1994 9

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:11

I don't get how op deserved it? It's not his fault his brother isn't smart Edit: sorry there were More you deserve it's, than your life sucks when I wrote this

N3766 20

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:16

But we don't know how old is he for saying he is not smart.

Stefan1994 7

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:43

What the hell are you even talking about 6?

TheRandomIndian 17

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:47

I think 6 is trying to say OPs brother could be a little kid who doesn't know any better

kathbutter 12

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 13:36

why would a little kid set off fireworks

mike3775 34

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 14:19

#31 Remember when you were a little kid? You wanted to do things that you saw adults doing all the time, and never thought about what could happen by doing so.

kathbutter 12

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 14:24

I never wanted to do that though... and a little kid shouldn't be in the position where they are able to do that

lilhellian 26

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 14:53

39 When a lil kid wants to.. A lil kid can get into anything and yes I'm speaking from experience... It was a very umm eventful childhood

chell1894 13

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 15:39

I really think from the sounds of the fml the brother is a teenager or older meaning he knows better. Other wise I think they would have stated their *little* brother or something like "no one was watching my brother when he had found some fire works."

ZombieSnoopy 9

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 16:15

you could be 6or 12 or even 52 setting fireworks off in the house is wrong...

PhishloverA 14

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Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:37

Yeah, but there is still no excuse for this FML to have any YDI's at all, whether there are more of them are not. Every FML has them, even the ones where the OP's don't even remotely deserve it

Ishq786 12

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Wednesday 2 January 2013 13:43

Maybe people say HDI because he didn't try to stop his brother? (at least the FML doesn't say he did). P. S- Check out my comment # B)

michaelaranda 28

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Friday 17 January 2014 6:22

people are hatred, someone will vote ydi even when op is not at fault

TweetAnne 13

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:11

Lighten up. He just wanted 2012 to go out with a bang. You'll laugh later

FMLKitten 15

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:12

Pun intended? Edit: Whelp, now the edit makes me look stupid.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:40

He just wanted to brighten up everyone's evening. Lighten up!

OhzTP 7

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 13:55

Yeah a bang! Followed by a crackle as OPs house burned down.

loloalltheway 23

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:15

It is indeed epic, but not very smart. I feel sorry for your parents who has to pay for it... Or make the brother pay or it!!

loloalltheway 23

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:18

*have *for -_-

duke56924903 11

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 13:10

New Year's Eve = bad spelling. Don't worry, I understand.

lilhellian 26

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 14:55

technically this was on New Years...

chrisjw27 18

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:17

Mario Balotelli, is that you?!

1dvs_bstd 41

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 16:57

Ahhh you totally beat me to it!

seandoc 13

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Wednesday 2 January 2013 20:47

Balotelli and Man City suck! Chelsea forever! KTBFFH

DoubleCross 9

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:19

Can I take the time to say this? Happy new year everyone. New chances, new experiences. You're never alone. Sorry for the spam

MatthewDmerrill 5

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:20

Wow sorry OP. Also happy near years everyone.

TheRandomIndian 17

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:32

Happy near years to you too buddy

Incognito23 15

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:21

Ha. Wait for the day when your parents decide to return the favor.

ZombieSnoopy 9

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 16:11

i don't think they'd go that far and burn down their own sons house

Trai 6

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:24

Well.. He wasn't incorrect.

TheRandomIndian 17

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:33

I thought it was too late for the Christmas spirit

eddeeezzyy 19

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 12:40

Does your brother happen to be Johnny Knoxville or Steve-O?

Fermion 20

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Friday 3 January 2014 19:09

Or anyone from jackass.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 107

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 1 258

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