Health: Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back...

By wut - 05/08/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 548

You deserved it 3 489

Health

Sorry…

Love is hell

Are you there?

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 08:14 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 023

You deserved it 44 148

Who's that weird guy?

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 10:59

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 667

Barf!

By TPelekakis - 08/06/2016 17:01 - United States - Kingsport

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 710

You deserved it 1 021

By bad_luck_chuck - 04/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 191

By purrtygirl - 09/06/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 102

You deserved it 55 341

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 165

You deserved it 8 567

By Anonymous - 25/04/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 689

You deserved it 44 402

By Username - 06/11/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 577

You deserved it 15 696

By sam.exe - 29/04/2016 19:26 - United States - New York

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 1 743

Smells like victory

By Ready to break up - 08/01/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 791

You deserved it 1 760

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 170

By badass - 13/08/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 337

You deserved it 18 336

By paranoid neighborhood - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 275

You deserved it 4 211

By Karate Kid - 25/05/2012 06:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 954

You deserved it 35 233

By singleasapringle - 13/03/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 884

You deserved it 1 824

Sashay away!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2017 20:00

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 696

You deserved it 369

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 654

You deserved it 3 406

By RickTheBoy - 10/07/2013 12:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 402

You deserved it 50 077

By Ama_544347571 - 24/05/2017 16:00 - Sierra Leone

Today, a customer came to my shop and asked our shop assistant if we had Smart TVs. She replied, "No we only have LG and Samsung." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 797

You deserved it 11 147

By Jacklyn - 18/03/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 746

You deserved it 20 032

Disgusting

By ocdeane - 01/10/2019 22:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 245

By buxton1 - 18/02/2013 08:24 - United States - Ramona

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 522

You deserved it 3 361

Awkward

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 02:01

Today, I saw my friend's ex and noticed she had gained a ton of weight since he dated her and had been dating someone else. It reminded me of my friend, so I messaged him and made a joke about her being unrecognizable. He informed me that they started seeing each other again last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 144

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 494

You deserved it 7 978

By klutz - 27/02/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 430

You deserved it 6 042

By Anonymous - 04/12/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 822

You deserved it 2 125

Check this out

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 197

You deserved it 4 344

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 18:40 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her "God damned fucking cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 978

You deserved it 4 176

By Anonymous - 02/06/2017 11:08

Today, I accidentally covfefe

I agree, your life sucks 2 842

You deserved it 1 561

What ARE you doing?

By grounded - 03/01/2010 16:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 940

You deserved it 28 061

By Rachael - 01/07/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 000

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 16/12/2015 04:04 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 465

You deserved it 1 596

By Lonely - 23/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, it was the last day of camp. I told my friends we should exchange e-mail addresses so we could stay in touch. Apparently, they all had already exchanged their contact info. Nobody asked me for one piece of my contact info even once during the entire six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 4 677

Dates that matter

By mee - 19/02/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend sang "Happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembers the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 741

You deserved it 4 638

By . - 27/02/2012 00:02 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 4 564

By Happy Birthday - 10/07/2018 15:00

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 234

By Braelynn - 26/01/2011 07:48

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 137

You deserved it 3 775

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 808

You deserved it 3 723

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Harpy20 24

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:56

Picked up; thrown down. FYL.

roseXthorns 8

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:54

I wouldn't give him business if I were you. You should go elsewhere for your dental work.

roseXthorns 8

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:54

I wouldn't give him business if I were you. You should go elsewhere for your dental work.

Papiamilli 1

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 14:42

Give him the business if you know what I mean.

Ameel_fml 19

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 16:33

Do dentists even fix crossbites? I would have thought that was something only orthodontists do.

Shrike 23

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:59

Nope, they can usually be fixed by regular dentists. Look it up.

Harpy20 24

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:56

Picked up; thrown down. FYL.

funnynesh 10

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:58

Ha ha ha I wonder if he intended to do that?

cantthinkofshit 5

Send a private message

Monday 6 August 2012 4:22

Same here, if he did that's a total win.

itsharkley 8

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:59

Show him what it can do. To his special dentist tool

KitGrey 4

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 13:00

And he has dental equipment at his house? Don't go home with the seriel killer dentist.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 15:22

Maybe he meant his office. He didn't say anything about a house.

sunnyt 5

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 15:33

27- Whenever someone says 'my place', do you think of dentist office? Lol..

Senseless_487 29

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 15:34

27, when someone says "my place," they're usually referring to their house. If someone was talking about an office, they should say "my office." Nobody is wrong in assuming the man was talking about his house. Edit: 28 beat me to the punch. A day late and a dollar short!

Gregory607 1

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 16:20

Or he said place because he owns the dental clinic and did this on purpose

Isoldael 27

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 18:41

Many dentists have their practice at their homes :)

Bluefrog9636 7

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 13:00

Since when did dentists have tools at their house? Sounds peculiar OP.

Bluefrog9636 7

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 13:03

Damn it # 5!:(

kittytub 12

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 13:44

I was thinking maybe the dentist lives in an apartment above his dentist office, or his house is conjoined with it.

itsbrittanybxtch 3

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 14:12

Or that by "my place" he meant his office? I don't see that being far fetched. Just a little rehearsed.

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 13:17

Whatever he tells you, it's not laughing gas.

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 19:22

Butt.

TriflingAllDay 6

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 23:46

Chloroform smells so good.

Xythenol 6

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 13:21

That burn ended up being more creepy than anything. Seriously. You're better off alone than with some dude who apparently keeps his dental equipment at home.