The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By lonely - 04/04/2011 10:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 3 569

Sweet talker

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 125

You deserved it 7 277

By cass - 10/05/2016 18:37 - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 659

You deserved it 5 157

Red state

By piss off - 08/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked, "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 845

You deserved it 3 220

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 13:33 - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 430

You deserved it 3 425

By NickDrakeFan - 29/10/2013 01:57 - United States

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 709

You deserved it 4 561

By sari14 - 11/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 197

You deserved it 5 046

By Lunazel93 - 22/10/2012 04:07 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 483

You deserved it 1 923

By owned - 24/01/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 473

You deserved it 4 448

Wanking yourself to death

By SkinsCastSelection - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 315

You deserved it 47 658

By RAHrahRAH - 15/01/2010 02:07 - Canada

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 474

You deserved it 2 393

Thanks, I really appreciate it!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 976

You deserved it 3 550

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 227

You deserved it 2 760

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 885

You deserved it 5 358

Leaking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 646

You deserved it 3 641

By T - 01/10/2010 09:09 - France

Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 874

You deserved it 3 754

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 094

You deserved it 2 538

By nitroman64 - 30/07/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 883

You deserved it 28 321

By life// - 08/01/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 5 203

How very dare you!

By mrniceguy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 739

You deserved it 2 548

By brokeasajoke - 01/11/2013 12:58 - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 791

You deserved it 10 769

By now afraid... - 03/04/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 83

By justonce - 23/09/2013 22:38 - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 337

You deserved it 3 551

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 17:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 406

You deserved it 41 616

Forever solo

By xoxo96 - 03/05/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 467

You deserved it 5 111

By Anonymous - 21/09/2015 17:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 923

You deserved it 1 879

By parisite - 01/10/2010 08:35 - France

Today, I decided to get some exercise for the first time in months. I went to the store and bought a brand new bicycle and all the necessary paraphernalia. I drove a half hour to a bike trail, unloaded the bike, and started riding. 10 feet later, the chain snapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 184

You deserved it 4 267

By AllisonMegan98 - 26/06/2014 02:54 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 611

You deserved it 3 726

AllisonMegan98 tells us more.

AllisonMegan98 3

Thursday 26 June 2014 20:09

it was an Arctic Monkeys concert

Don't call me Shirley

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 13:09 - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 638

You deserved it 28 781

By laury - 09/05/2012 02:05 - Canada - Port Elgin

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 603

You deserved it 3 652

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Cooking Miscellaneous Gross AITA Bodyshaming Love Sex Health Poopoo peepee Family Money Vacation Transportation Intimacy Relatable Awkward Kids Death Mother in law My ex I need your advice Break-ups Embarrassing Food Teachers School Clumsy Healthy Lifestyle Neighbours Animals

The Top

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 916

You deserved it 5 317

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 864

You deserved it 16 329

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 058

You deserved it 2 766

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 399

You deserved it 5 156

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 281

Today, as part of my job, I had to watch a few 5 year-olds while their parents were busy with my manager. It only confirmed my choice to never have children, and yet my mother still insists I should have one, because once they exist and I love them, I’ll see how silly my choice to not have them is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 179