Love: Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by...

By wrongguy - 11/05/2013 23:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 896

You deserved it 9 687

Love

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

TMI FML

Worn out

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 802

You deserved it 5 949

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 595

You deserved it 449

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 18:00

Today, I posted that I'm having a yard sale and listed a bunch of stuff I'm selling. People started messaging, asking me to send pictures and prices. That's why I'm having the yard sale, so I don't have to post pictures and prices! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 301

Surprise!

By BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 867

You deserved it 1 257

Science has gone too far

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 22:00

Today, I watched our very clever cat turn on our oven with ease. I now fear for my children's lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 112

By ptarr12345 - 14/05/2015 04:26 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 075

You deserved it 6 717

By maaaryy - 07/01/2009 05:53 - France

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 154

You deserved it 9 362

Not like that

By weirdo - 21/02/2010 08:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 265

You deserved it 5 017

By mcpeepants - 08/01/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 215

You deserved it 2 678

Any day now…

By justwow - 13/07/2010 14:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 059

You deserved it 9 269

By wowdadreally - 23/12/2014 20:46 - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 6 449

By unicorn_skies - 18/01/2014 08:33 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 531

You deserved it 57 506

By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 9 443

By Tonguetied0496 - 10/12/2012 07:21 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 7 378

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 18:08 - United States - East Northport

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 3 198

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 421

You deserved it 8 824

By hmb - 16/09/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 2 900

By Allie - 03/06/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 956

You deserved it 26 438

By stupidpolicia - 25/09/2009 08:33 - Brazil

Today, the gas station right in front of my apartment had people listening to loud music all night. I have this 3 hour test at 7:30am and didn't get any sleep. Worst of all, here in Brazil, calling the police won't help a thing. Instead of actually helping, they'll stop and join the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 730

You deserved it 3 319

By sleepy - 01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 160

Memento

By annie - 31/12/2020 02:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, at the age of 24, the only way I can remember anything at all is if I repeat it over and over again like a mantra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 79

People are jerks

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 03:59

Today, I cleaned the two staircases at the hotel where I work. Five minutes later, someone complained they were dirty. Someone had dropped soda and got mud all over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 52

You tried

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 647

Transference

By KayBee - 30/01/2021 02:00

Today, my psychiatrist of 6 years suddenly and out of nowhere told me I need to see someone else. She gave me the equivalent of the "it's not you it's me' speech." Actually her assistant told me via email. I basically got broken up with by someone I was paying a lot of money to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 3 576

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 20:03

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 368

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 4 471

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 12:00

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 417

You deserved it 312

By rbeast - 21/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 623

You deserved it 4 144

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 768

You deserved it 45 639

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 947

You deserved it 3 189

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 219

You deserved it 2 855

By jasmine - 23/08/2019 04:00

Today, I found out the hard way, that yes, a condom can break. Also, that sometimes when it does, your boyfriend won't say anything until you start having morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 498

You deserved it 354

By scaredshitless - 10/04/2019 18:00

Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 226

Chill out, Judy

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 08:01

Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 65

By StudMuffinette - 18/07/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 179

You deserved it 2 964

By WheatiesMan - 15/06/2016 10:52

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 903

You deserved it 1 265

By KtSue - 12/11/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 356

You deserved it 1 879

By No name - 18/12/2008 04:43 - Australia

Today, on a thirty minute commute to a job interview, I felt the urge to pee. When I got there, I politely asked the receptionist where the toilets were, and she told me to wait for someone to come show me. After another thirty minutes, someone turned up; the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 269

You deserved it 2 764

By Anonymous - 02/03/2010 21:16 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 2 668

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Top comments

abhi95 31

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:27

Talk about awkward!

EpicSquishii 21

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:29

Keep it in the family :) The royals did it for centuries, see how that worked out?

abhi95 31

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:27

Talk about awkward!

smellymellyy 7

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Sunday 12 May 2013 11:13

Just the fact that her boyfriend wakes we up by pulling her hair is slightly awkward. FYL op

feelingold 18

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Sunday 12 May 2013 11:39

Who wakes their brother's girlfriend by touching any part of them?? Even going into the bedroom while she's asleep would be an invasion of privacy in my book. This is completely unacceptable, unless he's a young child of course (in which case surely OP would have noticed before a kiss).

soccerstar1996 18

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Sunday 12 May 2013 18:16

This could be the beginning of a porno

chowE_fml 4

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Sunday 12 May 2013 18:26

Even more awkward that se hasn't had the chance to brush her teeth yet. F his brothers life.

KawaiiCupcake 14

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Sunday 12 May 2013 19:31

So... How was it?

EpicSquishii 21

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:29

Keep it in the family :) The royals did it for centuries, see how that worked out?

Bano360 25

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Sunday 12 May 2013 12:54

And the Lannisters

BjgUsername 12

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Sunday 12 May 2013 14:09

And targaryens.

Trisha_aus 15

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Sunday 12 May 2013 16:30

#27 but look how Joffrey turned out..a fuckclump

skyeyez9 24

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Sunday 12 May 2013 16:56

Charles Hapsburg.

EpicSquishii 21

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Sunday 12 May 2013 21:19

The Lannisters and Targaryens both ended up being royals if my memory serves :P

lorraineald 7

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Sunday 12 May 2013 21:46

Queen Victoria gave all of the royal families in Europe hemophilia.

Sam_Dchi 23

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:29

He got lucky.

Misswildsides 22

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:37

And not so lucky when the boyfriend finds out.

EpicSquishii 21

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:39

You mean.... IF he finds out ;)

KVKdragon 26

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:46

If. If is good >:)

OscarDV 8

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Sunday 12 May 2013 13:01

Lol. thank you guys for starting my morning with a smile :)

matthews_van 10

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Sunday 12 May 2013 14:32

I was thinking the exact same thing!!

Enslaved 36

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Sunday 12 May 2013 15:53

10, your comment just reminded me of the cartoon "Hercules". (:

liindsey 25

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Sunday 12 May 2013 16:57

44, I'm pretty sure it was done intentionally. :)

niome_fml 9

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Sunday 21 September 2014 17:51

...

sabrinaacrow 26

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:29

You should always look before you kiss someone, to make sure it's the person you intended

annie_nk 22

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Sunday 12 May 2013 12:06

Like Andy should have done in The Goonies.

silencebabyy 23

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Sunday 12 May 2013 15:01

to be fair she just woke up and mightve been a bit disoriented. im sure she wasnt expecting anyone but her bf to do that

BostonPLD33 6

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Sunday 12 May 2013 15:47

At least she didn't pull his pants down for some action. THAT would've been awkward.

boating_guy 33

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:30

Well the brothers age, and whether he is older or younger matter a lot OP! It could be not as big of a deal or very awkward...

lilhellian 26

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:37

Not sure about you, but I'd be slightly upset that he get pulled on top and kissed and not me!

ItsAnanya 25

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:30

Well, that's going to be awkward. Tell your boyfriend what happened, he'd appreciate it . ^~^

xALEXx_fml 15

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:47

Haha awkward!!!

Accuraxy 10

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:49

Just explain to your boyfriend that it was an accident and if he loves you then it shouldn't be too big of a deal.

crammer1 6

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:50

Methinks the brother was a bit curious?

aly_pinay22 8

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Sunday 12 May 2013 10:51

Both of your faces must've been priceless! Hopefully your boyfriend has a good sense of humor about it.

SwaggCapone 11

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Sunday 12 May 2013 15:09

Guess we'll find out in a couple days if there's another fml about this

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 104

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 1 254

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