Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

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32680

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Our house, in the middle of our street

The magic of love

By starving_freelancer_forever

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

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3753

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By trolls have hit the gutters - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, a homeless guy told me I looked like shit and to have some self-respect. Right. FML

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30534

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By msarosi - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I popped a pimple while stopped at a red light. When I looked over the woman in the car next to me was laughing, and had her camera phone out. FML

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44094

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By readytomingle - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18057

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By gonkc - United States

Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53702

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27513

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By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

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28917

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By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55550

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally finished painting a house that took me 3 weeks to complete at 10 hours a day, including weekends, due to my dedication to perfection. When I went to meet with the homeowner for pay day, which was supposed to be $2000, he gave me $200, 5 tacos and then told me to "get the f*** off my lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46772

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By monty - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

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By Melie-Melo - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

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26031

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By Anonymous

Great boyfriend

Today, I'm 37 years-old and recently out of a job. As my boyfriend refuses to pay more than half the rent as long as I live here, I have no choice but to move back in with my mom, 8 hours away. My man is quite happy to pay the entire rent as soon as I'm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2350

You deserved it

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By DayamyWuzHere - United States

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47910

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By drfrogpepper - United States

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32979

You deserved it

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By Fitz - United States

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

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37463

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By Ihatepants - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

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14849

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

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45641

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

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12059

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12926

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By jacked - United States

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

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35098

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By - France

Today, on her Facebook profile, my ex erased all the pictures where we were together, add her new boyfriend to her friends and changed her status to "I'm so happy". FML

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25238

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By Falcka - 12/4/2021 04:59

The client is always right

Today, I was waitressing at the diner and a guy ordered two eggs, one scrambled and one poached. He hurled his plate at me angrily because they "scrambled the egg he wanted poached and poached the egg he wanted scrambled." He stormed out without paying. FML

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1294

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By ohgosh - Canada

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

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33596

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By Lou Czar - United States

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

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16746

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

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16323

You deserved it

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By Tomtom - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

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24026

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By I'm Not Dead Yet - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

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54423

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By sadpoorlady - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50759

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By RuinedTheMood - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

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47670

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By Boredom - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18687

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32945

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By gp28 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23843

You deserved it

3990

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By unlicensed - United States - Charlotte

Today, I drove 45 minutes to take my full driver's test. At the end of the test, the instructor told me I'd done everything perfectly, but had failed before I left the parking lot. I didn't see the "one way" sign at the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25110

You deserved it

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By ihateteenagers - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50439

You deserved it

10023

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By crippy - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30902

You deserved it

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By LiveGuard - United States

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11825

You deserved it

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By firemansam - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Advent calendar time!

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16518

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27713

You deserved it

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By kilo1_13 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

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52918

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Top comments

By po_ta_to | 0

#777162 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:22

It's a DISORDER. If this person's anxiety has gotten so bad that they've started doing that in their sleep, their life certainly is fucked. You have no idea how horrible it is. I have severe anxiety that can sometimes prevent me from doing daily things. And don't call me a fucking emo because you don't have any idea about how it feels! This person isn't being a drama queen at all. You just need to shut up and go curl back up in your closet where you belong.

By joceyxox | 0

#776839 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:04

stfu Its a disorder they can't help it

COMMENTS

By sara_3536 | 0

#776482 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:03

first :)

By evangldbrg | 0

#776490 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:05

seems a lot like that kid that was on malcolm in the middle

By rosierosierosie | 0

#776492 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:06

lol...oven mitts

By SHAAAAAARK | 1

#776494 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:07

I know how you feel there. Maybe you should get help before your anxiety gets worse?

By idkweird | 0

#776509 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:12

Anti-anxiety meds?

By CallMeHush | 0

#776512 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:13

Mittens are better than headgear.

By daneeyoll | 0

#776519 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:17

soft mittens

By ozymandias_fml | 0

#776522 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

joceyxox | 0

#776839 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:04

stfu Its a disorder they can't help it

Polionixon | 2

#776859 - Saturday 16 January 2010 0:13

Yea i'm sure she picks her face in her sleep for attention makes sense right?

gingersnapper | 0

#777108 - Saturday 16 January 2010 2:53

Learn to read.

Although, if someone could still be a drama queen while fucking UNCONSCIOUS, they are worthy of our admiration. I'd never look at emos the same way!

po_ta_to | 0

#777162 - Saturday 16 January 2010 3:22

soccerbug6 | 0

#912948 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:16

wow jerk

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3575137 - Saturday 12 November 2011 7:47

wow, congratulations you've won the ass wipe of the day award

ALAGUNKY | 1

#4828988 - Saturday 18 August 2012 6:03

That's just not cool, why don't you grow up and realize that it's not a joke and be thankful that you don't have this

By Nic_hole | 0

#776533 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:24

awww :( I'm sorry that must really suck

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#776534 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:25

I just imagined someone wandering around with one of those cones around their neck and oven mitts taped to their hands. I lol'd. Someone, illustrate this now.