Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Instadrama

Rock, hard place

By tailgaterhater - United States

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

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By dontbuysamsung - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

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By crippled - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML

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45086

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By sadness1992 - United States - San Diego

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

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By anonymous - 18/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Angelo

Fast food dinner

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

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2083

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By Monkey - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

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33558

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By Anonymous - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

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By Kyle

Today, I celebrated my 30th birthday by accidentally knocking my fiancée’s tooth out with her glass as she tried to a sip. FML

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1448

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225

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By overly nationalistic redneck - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

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By notnicefools - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

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39472

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By baby_trex_arms - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

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40238

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By jerrid - United States

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

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By SpanishInFrenchClass - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

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By Perry85 - 4/3/2020 03:02

Cloud Cuckooland

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

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365

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2900

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

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31440

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 02:01

Unhappy Birthday

Today, none of my family was at home. Turns out my one of my aunts was having a birthday party and all my relatives went, but nobody told me because they don’t like me coming around. FML

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1195

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By Anonymous - United States - Harrison

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

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34153

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By sunny_ca559 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

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25456

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By naughtyshirt - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

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39728

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By Anonymous - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

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56637

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By DarkSerebii - United States

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

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45728

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By why does the world hate me - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

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20440

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By WronglySad619 - United States

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

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18884

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By makiju - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

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28412

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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13727

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755

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By Brokenheartz - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

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26368

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By FacebookStrikesAgain - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

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56342

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

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30273

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By whykarma - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

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31817

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By sexyyy - Belgium

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

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28662

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By gazza - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

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23337

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By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

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25781

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By Ned - United States

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

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48352

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By WHOO HOO AIDS - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

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48528

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By NoFriends - United States

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

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69823

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

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60754

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By clu - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

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9769

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36982

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By Jesus - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

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19210

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31812

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By The Fishing Pole

So, are you in or are you out?

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

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3665

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

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Top comments

By unidentified_sta | 5

#1760977 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

It is a sign, please never pick up a microphone.

By smashgrab | 0

#1761053 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

YDI for blaring your music & disturbing your neighbors, wasting time by dancing around like an idiot, not looking at what you are picking up before you grab a hot curling iron, and being a moron. For the sake of mankind, do not reproduce. Ever.

COMMENTS

By iheart | 0

#1760949 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:10

wow...fail

smashgrab | 0

#1761053 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

thisgirl2u | 9

#1761058 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:33

Oh thank you, your comment literally made me laugh.

rallets | 22

#1761219 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:14

meh

KingDingALing | 9

#1761277 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:25

Really? It made you laugh? It actually made me shit my brains out, making me feel like I just sniffed a sharpie marker for an hour.

kittycatman2 | 3

#1761390 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:57

I think you said it all. Yep, I think that's it.

WhatTheFuq | 0

#1761465 - Sunday 28 November 2010 1:29

Well 15 pretty much explained it all no need to comment on ops stupidity. How is everyone one?

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1761781 - Sunday 28 November 2010 2:38

ke$ha has the same affect on me...

Zya_fml | 8

#1762343 - Sunday 28 November 2010 5:45

and I was like baby, baby, baby oohhaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...!!!

mcgugs | 0

#1762398 - Sunday 28 November 2010 6:10

so glad I play drums and not lead vocals lol...

blankaex | 0

#1763929 - Sunday 28 November 2010 15:04

YDI for listening to music with lyrics.

_LE4RN_ | 4

#4189364 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:06

You just leave youe curling iron on?

By IntoTheClouds | 42

#1760960 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:14

YDI

Mirelly13 | 6

#1761387 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:56

The mental picture made my day go from this ): to this XD, followed by an LOL, a LMAO, an a lil bit of ROFL (:

xelle_garfieldx | 12

#5611891 - Sunday 4 August 2013 0:50

is your name Britney furlan?

By iEmily | 0

#1760962 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

ur a idiotz

redbluegreen | 40

#1761046 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:31

You're illiterate.

smashgrab | 0

#1761068 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:36

You're slowly killing my brain just by existing. Please die.

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1761164 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:59

I just want to go back in time and fucking cockblock your dad.

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1760966 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

How have people become so stupid m

By Wizardroxx | 3

#1760972 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

Lol FYL. I can't imagine how painful it is the few 2 minutes.

By unidentified_sta | 5

#1760977 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

It is a sign, please never pick up a microphone.

deviedev123 | 0

#1762292 - Sunday 28 November 2010 5:23

hahahah good one^^
but OUCH!!!

By Medicine | 0

#1760988 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:17

Awareness, haha.

By jess2gd4u | 0

#1760995 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:19

ooouucchh!!

By AthinaMarie | 0

#1761006 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:20

Ouch. It's always a good idea to look first before you grab something. haha JUST saying.

By sasonzal | 4

#1761025 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:24

you can't declare win on your own comment,you need to wait for random people to do so,and it isn't that funny