Miscellaneous: Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting...

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 17:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 372

You deserved it 41 511

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Another great day to be alive

Open season

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 632

You deserved it 13 818

By please stay on the line - 07/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 802

You deserved it 872

By Nick Pat - 30/09/2015 13:13

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 594

You deserved it 2 934

By Tech Savvy - 20/09/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 578

You deserved it 4 926

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 01:30

Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 044

You deserved it 340

By Nick - 10/05/2011 07:37 - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 426

You deserved it 21 624

By Anonymous - 18/05/2019 20:00

Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 1 782

By foxyreegan - 04/02/2012 05:22 - United States

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 862

You deserved it 3 403

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 611

You deserved it 4 513

By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 611

You deserved it 46 154

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 756

You deserved it 19 269

By mandy16 - 04/09/2010 03:43

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 3 446

By jajaja - 01/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, I got my braces on. When we got in the car my dad looked over and said "well at least we dont have to worry about boys for the next two years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 713

You deserved it 4 656

By siggit - 10/09/2009 15:58 - United States

Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announces incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime" and my wife goes into a full panic attack. We haven't even left the ground yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 607

You deserved it 3 140

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:42 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 975

You deserved it 4 168

All true, obviously

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law thinks that Trump is the "best man to walk the earth since Jesus," and that he's "fighting the deep state who's in control of the fake news." She tried to indoctrinate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 634

By VtecKickIn - 17/07/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 5 666

By edot - 16/01/2010 03:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 4 755

By ohtheshame - 02/05/2011 08:34

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 767

You deserved it 10 680

News from China

By HkxAliso0302 - 03/03/2020 22:00 - China - Beijing

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 175

The grind mindset

By How?! - 06/10/2021 02:00

Today, after enduring chemo, radiation treatments and several surgeries in order to beat cancer, being immunocompromised and catching Covid, I haven’t been able to work for years. Despite all that, I still get told I’m lazy and need to "just go get a job" when I try to get social security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 60

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 14:01

Today, I thought I finally had a decent boyfriend. He didn’t seem like an emotionally unavailable alcoholic like my past boyfriends. Then I found out he’s an unemployed Trump supporter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 736

Let 'em in

By Muhd Hazrie - 05/08/2021 18:01

Today, my family decided that we should have our breakfast at a hawker centre, so I passed my house key to my sister as she carries a bag with her. After our meal, she said she was meeting her friend, so we went back home instead, only to realize that the door was locked and my sister had the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 720

By thereisnobaby - 06/10/2016 11:55 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 102

You deserved it 756

By malebonding - 17/08/2009 13:50 - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 228

You deserved it 14 879

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 676

You deserved it 9 288

Itchy and Scratchy

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 20:00 - Australia

Today, I put a collar on my dog to get rid of his fleas. Good news? He doesn't have fleas anymore. Bad news? They've moved onto the rest of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 324

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 076

You deserved it 5 090

By Wyomingwannbe - 30/04/2016 11:25 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 066

You deserved it 2 285

By ktorih137 - 14/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 437

You deserved it 13 475

By Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - 14/02/2015 09:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 293

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 138

You deserved it 8 150

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 863

You deserved it 4 815

By Boneo and Juliet - 16/07/2015 19:22 - United States - Amherst

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 4 967

By Anonymous - 30/03/2014 10:04 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 673

You deserved it 6 885

By DUFF - 11/06/2015 21:04 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 3 437

By corleon198425 - 19/02/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 056

You deserved it 2 370

By Anonymous - 14/07/2019 04:30

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 152

By runescapeftw - 29/12/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 2 662

By Failoffel - 10/05/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 52 539

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Top comments

unidentified_sta 5

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

It is a sign, please never pick up a microphone.

smashgrab 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

YDI for blaring your music & disturbing your neighbors, wasting time by dancing around like an idiot, not looking at what you are picking up before you grab a hot curling iron, and being a moron. For the sake of mankind, do not reproduce. Ever.

iheart 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:10

wow...fail

smashgrab 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

thisgirl2u 9

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:33

Oh thank you, your comment literally made me laugh.

rallets 22

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:14

meh

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:25

Really? It made you laugh? It actually made me shit my brains out, making me feel like I just sniffed a sharpie marker for an hour.

kittycatman2 3

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:57

I think you said it all. Yep, I think that's it.

WhatTheFuq 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 1:29

Well 15 pretty much explained it all no need to comment on ops stupidity. How is everyone one?

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 28 November 2010 2:38

ke$ha has the same affect on me...

Zya_fml 8

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Sunday 28 November 2010 5:45

and I was like baby, baby, baby oohhaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...!!!

mcgugs 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 6:10

so glad I play drums and not lead vocals lol...

blankaex 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 15:04

YDI for listening to music with lyrics.

_LE4RN_ 4

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Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:06

You just leave youe curling iron on?

IntoTheClouds 42

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:14

YDI

Mirelly13 6

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Sunday 28 November 2010 0:56

The mental picture made my day go from this ): to this XD, followed by an LOL, a LMAO, an a lil bit of ROFL (:

xelle_garfieldx 12

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Sunday 4 August 2013 0:50

is your name Britney furlan?

iEmily 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

ur a idiotz

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:31

You're illiterate.

smashgrab 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:36

You're slowly killing my brain just by existing. Please die.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:59

I just want to go back in time and fucking cockblock your dad.

stevenmx86 7

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

How have people become so stupid m

Wizardroxx 3

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

Lol FYL. I can't imagine how painful it is the few 2 minutes.

unidentified_sta 5

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

It is a sign, please never pick up a microphone.

deviedev123 0

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Sunday 28 November 2010 5:23

hahahah good one^^ but OUCH!!!

Medicine 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:17

Awareness, haha.

jess2gd4u 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:19

ooouucchh!!

AthinaMarie 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:20

Ouch. It's always a good idea to look first before you grab something. haha JUST saying.

sasonzal 4

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Saturday 27 November 2010 23:24

you can't declare win on your own comment,you need to wait for random people to do so,and it isn't that funny

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 10

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 2 136

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 192

All true, obviously

News from China

The grind mindset

Out of the frying pan…

Let 'em in

Itchy and Scratchy

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