Miscellaneous: Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Still pining

Management

By bigmouthedmommy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

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By mainlineloser - United States - Narberth

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

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By mymomsstupid - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 11:01

Innocence

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

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By RadioactiveKush - United States - Monroe

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

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By badatlove - United States

Today, I climbed to the top of the tallest building in my city with this guy I really like. He spotted the girl he had a crush on, and wouldn't shut up about her for the rest of the night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

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By Embarassedd - Canada

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

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By myself - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

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By thinner than you - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

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By Kate - United States

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

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By elisabeth_pwnes - Norway

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

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By Anonymous - Isle of Man

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

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By Drill Drilled - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

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By Dimples - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

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By weddinggirl - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00

Get out

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

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By Retailhell - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

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By ThinZ - United States

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

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By dragonstooth257

Today, I'm so bad at people skills when I got a call to set up a job interview, I weirded the lady out so much that she trailed off when talking about emailing me a time. This took 2 minutes to achieve. A new record. I still haven't got an email. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

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By Somethingswrongwiththispic - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 20:06

Don't drag me into this

Today, my boyfriend's 13-year-old daughter called me a "stupid f**ing b****" on Snapchat because her dad wouldn't go on the trampoline with her. I had nothing to do with any of it. FML

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By ApparentDrugAddict - United States

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

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By gimpy - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

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By Rohirus - Sweden

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

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By Predator - 21/3/2021 18:30 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Such a healthy environment

Today, on my first full day on Marine Corps boot camp, my drill instructor pulled me and another kid in front of 200 other recruits to vote on who was uglier between the two of us. I won. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 19:58 - United States - Mountain View

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

Today, my entire family was diagnosed with COVID. My son's school decided I was well enough to homeschool him on Zoom all day. My head feels like it’s going to explode and all I want to do is sleep. Did I mention my ADHD son has no symptoms? FML

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856

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By nt121511

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

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By burritobreasts

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

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By inapickle - United States - Topsham

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

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By L_lives - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

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By neighbour hell - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

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Top comments

By unidentified_sta | 5

#1760977 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

It is a sign, please never pick up a microphone.

By smashgrab | 0

#1761053 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

YDI for blaring your music & disturbing your neighbors, wasting time by dancing around like an idiot, not looking at what you are picking up before you grab a hot curling iron, and being a moron. For the sake of mankind, do not reproduce. Ever.

COMMENTS

By iheart | 0

#1760949 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:10

wow...fail

smashgrab | 0

#1761053 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:32

thisgirl2u | 9

#1761058 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:33

Oh thank you, your comment literally made me laugh.

rallets | 22

#1761219 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:14

meh

KingDingALing | 9

#1761277 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:25

Really? It made you laugh? It actually made me shit my brains out, making me feel like I just sniffed a sharpie marker for an hour.

kittycatman2 | 3

#1761390 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:57

I think you said it all. Yep, I think that's it.

WhatTheFuq | 0

#1761465 - Sunday 28 November 2010 1:29

Well 15 pretty much explained it all no need to comment on ops stupidity. How is everyone one?

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1761781 - Sunday 28 November 2010 2:38

ke$ha has the same affect on me...

Zya_fml | 8

#1762343 - Sunday 28 November 2010 5:45

and I was like baby, baby, baby oohhaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...!!!

mcgugs | 0

#1762398 - Sunday 28 November 2010 6:10

so glad I play drums and not lead vocals lol...

blankaex | 0

#1763929 - Sunday 28 November 2010 15:04

YDI for listening to music with lyrics.

_LE4RN_ | 4

#4189364 - Tuesday 20 March 2012 4:06

You just leave youe curling iron on?

By IntoTheClouds | 42

#1760960 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:14

YDI

Mirelly13 | 6

#1761387 - Sunday 28 November 2010 0:56

The mental picture made my day go from this ): to this XD, followed by an LOL, a LMAO, an a lil bit of ROFL (:

xelle_garfieldx | 12

#5611891 - Sunday 4 August 2013 0:50

is your name Britney furlan?

By iEmily | 0

#1760962 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

ur a idiotz

redbluegreen | 40

#1761046 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:31

You're illiterate.

smashgrab | 0

#1761068 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:36

You're slowly killing my brain just by existing. Please die.

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1761164 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:59

I just want to go back in time and fucking cockblock your dad.

By stevenmx86 | 7

#1760966 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:15

How have people become so stupid m

By Wizardroxx | 3

#1760972 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

Lol FYL. I can't imagine how painful it is the few 2 minutes.

By unidentified_sta | 5

#1760977 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:16

It is a sign, please never pick up a microphone.

deviedev123 | 0

#1762292 - Sunday 28 November 2010 5:23

hahahah good one^^
but OUCH!!!

By Medicine | 0

#1760988 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:17

Awareness, haha.

By jess2gd4u | 0

#1760995 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:19

ooouucchh!!

By AthinaMarie | 0

#1761006 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:20

Ouch. It's always a good idea to look first before you grab something. haha JUST saying.

By sasonzal | 4

#1761025 - Saturday 27 November 2010 23:24

you can't declare win on your own comment,you need to wait for random people to do so,and it isn't that funny