Love: Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy!...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

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Love

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Season finale

CIA-level batshittery

By Anonymous

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

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By Ugh - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

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By Daniel_rules - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

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By M.SHUKRI - United States - Round Lake

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

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By hopelesscollegechick - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

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By TimeForAHairCut - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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By Jenn - United States - Atlanta

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

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By hopeless

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

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By random - United States

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

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By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

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By Dominique Richards

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. When I woke up I found out they pulled the wrong one. FML

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By life_suxxx - United States

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

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By DLS - United States

Today, I realised I know the map on World of Warcraft better than the map of my own country. FML

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By ._. - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

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By alyssa - 1/4/2021 21:30

She'll learn

Today, my four-year-old daughter believes that all women will automatically become pregnant at some point during their lives. At least we don’t have to save for college. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

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By really - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fishers

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellingham

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

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By daddysboy123 - United States

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

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By lukey101 - 13/8/2020 05:01

Someone needs a hug

Today, I was out to lunch when someone in the distance proposed to his partner. She said yes, everyone clapped and cheered. I, on the other hand, burst into tears and couldn't stop bawling for about half an hour. I'm a 32 year old man and don't even know the happy couple. FML

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By didi - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

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By Jon - United States

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

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By screwed.over - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

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33029

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By highschoolgrad - United States

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

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By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

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By mapollis - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

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10346

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By Moose - Poland

Today, my boss signed and sent me back my timesheet. He named the PDF file "Timeshit". Now I don't know whether he's terrible at spelling, or just expressed his view of my job. FML

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By lonelynessinCA - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

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By oh lord - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

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Top comments

By ducks4life11 | 0

#1623692 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:42

why would u send a twinkie to a girl u like? Thats just as bad as calling her a fatty!

By Incubuss | 0

#1623767 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:50

To be fair though, buying a girl a Twinkie just says "I can tell you like baked goods you fat ass"

FYL

COMMENTS

By doggone456 | 0

#1623661 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:40

that sux...I hav to say I really wuldnt like a twinkie if I was someone 0.o

ladies_man217 | 0

#1623717 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:44

ahahaha why would you send the girl you like a twinkie at all? take her out on a date if you really like her

SecureReflex | 0

#1623807 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:54

I'm using my iPhone FML app, how do I reply to the OP and not to a comment? I'd rather not be one of those losers who comment to #1 to sate their lust for attention.

doink | 0

#1623841 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:58

The comment button is at the bottom right corner. It looks like a pencil and a little white
box.

Sirin_fml | 46

#1623908 - Saturday 30 October 2010 3:05

Thank you, Doink; I was unsure myself :-)

pooper19 | 3

#1624089 - Saturday 30 October 2010 3:35

When you say Twinkie I hope that you are referring to your penis. If not YDI for being a douche

thatonek1d | 0

#1624267 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:11

what are you? in kindergarten? a Twinkie? even if nobody tampered with the note, she would probably still consider it an insult

flyersfan365 | 0

#1624596 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:31

Yea cause you know girls want twinkies instead of flowers or chocolates.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1624608 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:36

the Twinkie was obviously a metaphor for the ops other 4 inch long cream filled treat.

KikiThePug | 0

#1624698 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:00

I would rather a Twinkie.. not some damn flowers that many bugs vomited, craped and pissed on. I would like choclate though. :)

Icyyy | 0

#1624777 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:19

I'd like an apple or some chocolate. Not that fancy, overpriced, heart-shaped stuff, just a bar of Hershey's. Meh, I'm hungry :U

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1624908 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:52

49 is full of WIN

thecrazyasian | 3

#1625312 - Saturday 30 October 2010 8:53

why the fk would u give a girl a Twinkie

iwuvwolfz | 0

#1625350 - Saturday 30 October 2010 8:57

xD 64 I'll slide to unlock =P

WolfsGuns | 0

#1625502 - Saturday 30 October 2010 10:48

#76, i hope u realize dat 64 is a guy just look in his profile

Prodigy7 | 4

#1627534 - Saturday 30 October 2010 20:31

Whoa, 10 moderated comments in a row.

MmissyT | 8

#1627823 - Saturday 30 October 2010 21:21

lmao i was thinkin tha same thing...wtf?

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1629158 - Sunday 31 October 2010 1:08

Seriously.

BeeHappy_fml | 0

#1856189 - Friday 17 December 2010 8:32

NUMBER ONE I LOVE YOU. it's time to duel!!

n_epic_fail | 14

#3050653 - Saturday 6 August 2011 10:15

why the hell would u give her a Twinkie?? some chocolate or a flower or even a fucking lollipop would work. UDI

By poolofblood | 0

#1623664 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:40

i am not first i will never be first i fail as a human being and will be sacrificed to the gods of fml wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo!

UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#1624242 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:07

yeah whatever!

seanders | 10

#1624463 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:51

That's alright dude we're not supposed to come first anyway.:)

yuggi1 | 11

#1624591 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:31

Maybe the gods of FML, in some imaginary world, are a bunch of hot chicks.
In that case way to go! xD

Xavi89 | 0

#1624603 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:34

where can I buy tickets to watch that?

anarchy109 | 5

#1635438 - Monday 1 November 2010 12:22

what...the...fuck really nobody cares

By awesomeness1004 | 3

#1623668 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:41

well thats a nice complement huh?

By Rei_Ayanami | 18

#1623677 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:41

A kind idea,but you really should have hand delivers it, things like this happen all the time, hopefully she will understand.

franniedottp | 8

#1623992 - Saturday 30 October 2010 3:21

Ayanami-San, I think you LOOOVE your pilot :)

Rei_Ayanami | 18

#1624811 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:29

My pilot? Are you talking about Ikari?

By ducks4life11 | 0

#1623692 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:42

why would u send a twinkie to a girl u like? Thats just as bad as calling her a fatty!

people_annoy_me | 23

#5974217 - Friday 13 June 2014 17:38

No it isnt

By Fortuitous | 0

#1623749 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:47

Twinkie, twinkie big ass star, everyone knows the fatty that you are.

brennboo | 3

#1623782 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:51

haha love it

boomsl4ng | 11

#1624313 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:22

that was pro my friend!!

Dollie01 | 0

#1626556 - Saturday 30 October 2010 16:22

hahahhaah ikr

By compliments | 0

#1623759 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:48

suk me penis! <===3

By Incubuss | 0

#1623767 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:50

To be fair though, buying a girl a Twinkie just says "I can tell you like baked goods you fat ass"

FYL

Southern_Grown | 0

#1625404 - Saturday 30 October 2010 9:15

hah..true true. I was thinking the same thing, a cute note, flower, or even a box of cherry coated chocolates are acceptable. but a Twinkie?? it's almost a straight up prank gift...