Love: Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy!...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32071

You deserved it

6871

Favorite

Love

Rock, hard place

Late term

Season finale

By anonymous - United States - Chelsea

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30724

You deserved it

6905

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9664

You deserved it

84533

Favorite

By mudafkrmas - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15573

You deserved it

33264

Favorite

By gimpy - United States - Panama City

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11128

You deserved it

1212

Favorite

By Crazy Cat Guy - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32341

You deserved it

4368

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5630

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 17:00

Inappropriate crush

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1303

You deserved it

307

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bemidji

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52266

You deserved it

13645

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, for reasons that I dare not ask, I received a topless selfie from my Nan followed quickly by a simple sorry text. Sorry is not going to pay for the years of therapy I need. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14658

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2652

Favorite

By emoney - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77937

You deserved it

3681

Favorite

By letstradefamilies - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19279

You deserved it

1812

Favorite

By Xbieblette51 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48743

You deserved it

6923

Favorite

By StillPissedOffAtIrony - United States - Hialeah

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49155

You deserved it

3740

Favorite

By kj1 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46177

You deserved it

6674

Favorite

By EnglishLearner - Switzerland - Mannedorf

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24734

You deserved it

8066

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45950

You deserved it

4673

Favorite

By glens - United States

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23391

You deserved it

2310

Favorite

By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50743

You deserved it

13821

Favorite

By Noah

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9399

You deserved it

813

Favorite

By mickey1928

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40818

You deserved it

2874

Favorite

By disgusting - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29555

You deserved it

2868

Favorite

By Anonymousss95 - Sweden

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51475

You deserved it

13339

Favorite

By Sally - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23124

You deserved it

5318

Favorite

By Queen_Dread - United States - Ocean Park

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22512

You deserved it

1985

Favorite

By cupcakelady127 - United States

Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35201

You deserved it

17100

Favorite

By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58778

You deserved it

15714

Favorite

By poor - United States

Childish Gambino voice This is America

Today, my obnoxious neighbor once again bragged how much she gets from the government because she’s "too fat to work." Meanwhile, I had to start a gofundme after I couldn't afford dialysis from having to cut work hours so I could go to dialysis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2070

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By jobless and broke - United States - Mesa

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26006

You deserved it

2423

Favorite

By idk ask freud - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50607

You deserved it

9850

Favorite

By j0j0 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24643

You deserved it

3808

Favorite

By Scholar - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27343

You deserved it

3884

Favorite

By Sam

Today, my 5-year-old daughter innocently asked a lady how much money she makes. In response, the lady bent down and slapped my daughter so hard she fell on her butt and cried. Then she slapped me for "not raising her right". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3826

You deserved it

531

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50416

You deserved it

3355

Favorite

By VedaLynn - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25922

You deserved it

2668

Favorite

By andimanastudent - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10423

You deserved it

67674

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 08:04 - United States

Worldstar! Worldstar!

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1127

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Limavady

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33581

You deserved it

2872

Favorite

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49358

You deserved it

4621

Favorite

By Slaanesh - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8017

You deserved it

38823

Favorite

By truth - United States

Today, my boss reported to the police that a suspicious car has been parked outside the store late at night. I walked outside and my car was gone. He had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27192

You deserved it

2172

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ducks4life11 | 0

#1623692 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:42

why would u send a twinkie to a girl u like? Thats just as bad as calling her a fatty!

By Incubuss | 0

#1623767 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:50

To be fair though, buying a girl a Twinkie just says "I can tell you like baked goods you fat ass"

FYL

COMMENTS

By doggone456 | 0

#1623661 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:40

that sux...I hav to say I really wuldnt like a twinkie if I was someone 0.o

ladies_man217 | 0

#1623717 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:44

ahahaha why would you send the girl you like a twinkie at all? take her out on a date if you really like her

SecureReflex | 0

#1623807 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:54

I'm using my iPhone FML app, how do I reply to the OP and not to a comment? I'd rather not be one of those losers who comment to #1 to sate their lust for attention.

doink | 0

#1623841 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:58

The comment button is at the bottom right corner. It looks like a pencil and a little white
box.

Sirin_fml | 46

#1623908 - Saturday 30 October 2010 3:05

Thank you, Doink; I was unsure myself :-)

pooper19 | 3

#1624089 - Saturday 30 October 2010 3:35

When you say Twinkie I hope that you are referring to your penis. If not YDI for being a douche

thatonek1d | 0

#1624267 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:11

what are you? in kindergarten? a Twinkie? even if nobody tampered with the note, she would probably still consider it an insult

flyersfan365 | 0

#1624596 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:31

Yea cause you know girls want twinkies instead of flowers or chocolates.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1624608 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:36

the Twinkie was obviously a metaphor for the ops other 4 inch long cream filled treat.

KikiThePug | 0

#1624698 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:00

I would rather a Twinkie.. not some damn flowers that many bugs vomited, craped and pissed on. I would like choclate though. :)

Icyyy | 0

#1624777 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:19

I'd like an apple or some chocolate. Not that fancy, overpriced, heart-shaped stuff, just a bar of Hershey's. Meh, I'm hungry :U

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1624908 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:52

49 is full of WIN

thecrazyasian | 3

#1625312 - Saturday 30 October 2010 8:53

why the fk would u give a girl a Twinkie

iwuvwolfz | 0

#1625350 - Saturday 30 October 2010 8:57

xD 64 I'll slide to unlock =P

WolfsGuns | 0

#1625502 - Saturday 30 October 2010 10:48

#76, i hope u realize dat 64 is a guy just look in his profile

Prodigy7 | 4

#1627534 - Saturday 30 October 2010 20:31

Whoa, 10 moderated comments in a row.

MmissyT | 8

#1627823 - Saturday 30 October 2010 21:21

lmao i was thinkin tha same thing...wtf?

CitizenSnipz | 0

#1629158 - Sunday 31 October 2010 1:08

Seriously.

BeeHappy_fml | 0

#1856189 - Friday 17 December 2010 8:32

NUMBER ONE I LOVE YOU. it's time to duel!!

n_epic_fail | 14

#3050653 - Saturday 6 August 2011 10:15

why the hell would u give her a Twinkie?? some chocolate or a flower or even a fucking lollipop would work. UDI

By poolofblood | 0

#1623664 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:40

i am not first i will never be first i fail as a human being and will be sacrificed to the gods of fml wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo!

UnknwnClassicGrl | 5

#1624242 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:07

yeah whatever!

seanders | 10

#1624463 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:51

That's alright dude we're not supposed to come first anyway.:)

yuggi1 | 11

#1624591 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:31

Maybe the gods of FML, in some imaginary world, are a bunch of hot chicks.
In that case way to go! xD

Xavi89 | 0

#1624603 - Saturday 30 October 2010 5:34

where can I buy tickets to watch that?

anarchy109 | 5

#1635438 - Monday 1 November 2010 12:22

what...the...fuck really nobody cares

By awesomeness1004 | 3

#1623668 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:41

well thats a nice complement huh?

By Rei_Ayanami | 18

#1623677 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:41

A kind idea,but you really should have hand delivers it, things like this happen all the time, hopefully she will understand.

franniedottp | 8

#1623992 - Saturday 30 October 2010 3:21

Ayanami-San, I think you LOOOVE your pilot :)

Rei_Ayanami | 18

#1624811 - Saturday 30 October 2010 6:29

My pilot? Are you talking about Ikari?

By ducks4life11 | 0

#1623692 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:42

why would u send a twinkie to a girl u like? Thats just as bad as calling her a fatty!

people_annoy_me | 23

#5974217 - Friday 13 June 2014 17:38

No it isnt

By Fortuitous | 0

#1623749 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:47

Twinkie, twinkie big ass star, everyone knows the fatty that you are.

brennboo | 3

#1623782 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:51

haha love it

boomsl4ng | 11

#1624313 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:22

that was pro my friend!!

Dollie01 | 0

#1626556 - Saturday 30 October 2010 16:22

hahahhaah ikr

By compliments | 0

#1623759 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:48

suk me penis! <===3

By Incubuss | 0

#1623767 - Saturday 30 October 2010 2:50

To be fair though, buying a girl a Twinkie just says "I can tell you like baked goods you fat ass"

FYL

Southern_Grown | 0

#1625404 - Saturday 30 October 2010 9:15

hah..true true. I was thinking the same thing, a cute note, flower, or even a box of cherry coated chocolates are acceptable. but a Twinkie?? it's almost a straight up prank gift...