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OP here. Just to clear something up: The shower head is new. It was put in two weeks before my leg ended up in a cast. So I hadn't bothered to fiddle with it before, thus why I didn't know that it had that option. And I've been whining about it for 4 months, and he just now decided to tell me. Ah, love my brother. And to someone who said to give him a break, I am. I just glared at him for 10 minutes before letting it go.

By JJ_V3N0M - 03/01/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 976

You deserved it 9 430

By brokenrelicslost - 08/01/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I'm really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date on Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 045

You deserved it 5 850

By weirdthingtosay - 21/11/2014 09:56 - United States - Kalama

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 929

You deserved it 11 932

By barista - 05/12/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 973

You deserved it 3 908

By twice-a-day - 18/11/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 4 041

By UghDude - 06/09/2014 13:35 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 246

You deserved it 3 278

By sadface - 18/08/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, I finally got over the knee injury that has been holding back my military application for 6 months. They sent me to the optometrist, who said my eyes were too bad for service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 806

You deserved it 3 123

By sbutler - 14/07/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 454

You deserved it 51 305

Guinea pig

By Troy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I filled out a political survey for a psychology experiment. A really cute girl was doing it, too. We hit it off and flirted through the surveys, and I asked her out when it was done. Then I found out it was really an attraction experiment and she was in on it. She was acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 328

You deserved it 7 929

By Sneezy123 - 06/10/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 295

You deserved it 10 168

Salty

By heartsick - 04/04/2012 05:43 - United States - Davenport

Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 684

You deserved it 3 051

By oh_its_true - 18/09/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 138

You deserved it 3 417

oh_its_true tells us more.

oh_its_true 0

Saturday 19 September 2009 19:47

To those who think she made it up to get out of the date...i initially thought the same thing too. so i said "listen, you dont have to make up some crappy story like you are on Jerry Springer. I am old enough to be told the truth." So then she started crying. Loudly. Which made everyone look at me like I was some jerk for making her cry. She then tells me its all true and she doesnt know what to do. I tell her maybe jail will straighten her man out and get him straight. I got up and walked out, passing the waitress who was on her way to our table with our drinks (to be fair, she ordered a coke)...i tossed around $40 on the tray and hit the door running. i later remembered that i left my gloves on the table... that is a totaly true story.