The Top

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By siannacasey - 03/07/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, I left my bedroom window open to let in some fresh air while I slept. A skunk got in and sprayed my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 8 684

By wondercat40 - 24/04/2014 21:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 8 901

wondercat40 tells us more.

wondercat40 28

Saturday 26 April 2014 21:26

He just stared blankly at me as I ran off, and that's definitely not a good sign of anything! I see him at my band classes, but I haven't spoken to him since. Thank you for the comments, a lot of them made me laugh. I don't know the where the Jesus drummer's band came from either, it was a local band that I forgot the name of. However, I think it was a Christian band. Oh, the irony.

By stuck - 11/08/2010 12:01 - Australia

Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 2 913

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 11:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 906

You deserved it 8 276

By justmyluck25 - 23/07/2010 12:59 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 818

You deserved it 11 934

By waiting till marriage, she said - 10/06/2015 15:28 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 212

You deserved it 2 527

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 18:13 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 4 486

Maybe I'm Amazed

By cachow - 06/09/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled, "Hello?" There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 978

You deserved it 36 397

By GshDrnt - 21/04/2011 02:57 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 182

You deserved it 6 612

By NotAPrincess - 12/05/2015 16:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 12 672

By MDoremis - 21/04/2015 13:37 - United States

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 099

You deserved it 4 363

MDoremis tells us more.

MDoremis 38

Wednesday 22 April 2015 5:38

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice! I got some X-rays done and thankfully nothing was fractured or broken (and the screws from a previous break did not get wrenched loose in the fall)! I've been lucky enough to be assigned to completing the tasks, favors and whatnot, where I can prop my foot up and keep ice on it. I've also purchased a nice pair of flats, because there is no way I'm falling and breaking myself day of the wedding. As for a response from the bride, she pretty much told me it took a lot longer to fall than she thought it would (I'm super, super clumsy), and to keep off my feet so I can still be in the wedding without hurting myself again.

By why they bomb - 09/03/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 949

You deserved it 7 856

By oldschool - 23/01/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 409

You deserved it 28 924

By justagirl - 02/12/2014 05:40 - United States - Roseville

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 985

You deserved it 5 901

By kady - 04/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 952

You deserved it 6 643

By AOart1st - 21/11/2014 03:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 228

You deserved it 17 715

By Remember the parking brake - 06/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 177

You deserved it 37 213

By anonymous - 19/07/2014 04:43 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 136

You deserved it 4 229

See you soon

By CoffeeBoy - 06/11/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at Starbucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 206

You deserved it 6 489

Nice day for it

By fedlife - 09/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 434

You deserved it 3 836

Surprise, MFer!

By dude i am so sorry - 19/09/2016 19:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 391

You deserved it 4 251

By Tequila - 20/06/2011 16:12 - Netherlands

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 598

You deserved it 3 219

Running

By fmrunning - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I completed my 6-month training program for a track competition this weekend. I went to the park to run anyways because I needed some air after my boyfriend broke up with me. After one lap, my neighbor's 130 lb dog ran across the soccer field and jumped on me to say hi. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 096

You deserved it 4 615

By Someone - 16/04/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 068

You deserved it 5 831

By MSURebel70 - 16/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 973

You deserved it 3 375

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 22:27 - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 535

You deserved it 7 195

STOP TALKING

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 21:57 - Argentina

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 847

You deserved it 4 879

Never forget

By expassword - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging her, she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 546

You deserved it 3 832

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 21:50 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 741

You deserved it 12 051

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 776

You deserved it 5 956

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had been working at the checkout for over five hours. Slightly tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink. He smiled and winked back. When I finished work two hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 112

You deserved it 4 167

Today, I somehow miscounted the steps on the staircase I've used multiple times a day for 20 years, then fell all the way to the bottom. Doctors say I fractured my coccyx, which is basically the ass bone at the bottom of my spine. I can neither sit or lie on my back for at least 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 156

Today, I finished negotiating my divorce with my ex-wife who is a lawyer. I spent more on legal fees than she has made from working in any of the last 5 years. It's hard for a lawyer to make so little in Canada, I'm glad that law degree, which I paid for, saved her so much money in legal fees. I hate all lawyers. Scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 170

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 219

You deserved it 12 109

Today, at work, I received flowers from a Tinder fling gone wrong. He constantly flipped out on me and then would apologize. I finally got tired of it and blocked him on all social media. The scary part is that I never told him where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 968

You deserved it 248

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 013

You deserved it 6 152