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By Anonymous - 18/12/2013 01:55 - China - Shanghai

Today, I sang a romantic song I wrote for my girlfriend. She laughed at my soprano. FML

agreeclassic 40 261

vote type 1 8 397

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML

agreeclassic 31 975

vote type 1 8 925

By unwantedforlife - 20/11/2013 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML

agreeclassic 48 996

vote type 1 3 851

By CheatedOn - 14/02/2010 15:19 - Romania

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

agreeclassic 28 760

vote type 1 2 414

Gimme my stuff

By siciliano12594 - 12/11/2012 18:40 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

agreeclassic 27 159

vote type 1 1 959

By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 00:12 - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

agreeclassic 31 658

vote type 1 2 571

By arachnidphobia - 03/01/2010 03:22 - United States

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

agreeclassic 30 789

vote type 1 3 482

By brandiboobarry - 29/11/2010 06:01

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

agreeclassic 30 775

vote type 1 7 024

Pleased to meet you

By Eww - 05/10/2014 17:48 - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

agreeclassic 44 066

vote type 1 3 147

By Jackie - 12/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

agreeclassic 33 371

vote type 1 6 134

By ArsonistsLullaby - 21/09/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML

agreeclassic 12 886

vote type 1 1 767

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 23:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

agreeclassic 21 142

vote type 1 10 607

By SakuraFubuki92 - 12/03/2012 02:13 - United States

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

agreeclassic 24 129

vote type 1 2 743

SakuraFubuki92 app_comment_confession_title

SakuraFubuki92 12

Monday 12 March 2012 7:49

Well, I get disability because I can't walk well and am really sick so I barely make enough to put up my part of the rent, let alone move. My best friend/roommate has already complained.

By Lauren324 - 26/01/2013 07:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

agreeclassic 45 303

vote type 1 7 970

Lauren324 app_comment_confession_title

Lauren324 18

Sunday 27 January 2013 4:46

Actually I've been with him for 3 years now... It's a mutual thing with us, we both pleasure each other like that equally, I think that's why he was bummed out. Usually it's everyday with us....

By Anonymous - 10/01/2013 06:13 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

agreeclassic 37 462

vote type 1 3 044