Kids: Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen...

By Chubby - 02/11/2009 20:39 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 492

You deserved it 5 521

Kids

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

Sweet, my ass

Boundaries, dude!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 06:01

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 206

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 894

You deserved it 7 233

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 632

You deserved it 4 452

By a-mishunderstanding - 08/08/2011 04:07

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 021

You deserved it 2 838

By FuckLife - 11/02/2012 13:41 - Australia

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 2 471

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 845

You deserved it 111 236

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 548

You deserved it 8 334

Do as I say, not as I do

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 08:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, once again my family had a loud conversation over the television show I was quietly watching. But the moment they watch something they like, even if it's a re-run episode, you have to be quiet or you'll be called a monster. Simply say "Hi" and they'll pause the TV to look at you like an annoyance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 86

By sydneybourgeois - 13/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 455

You deserved it 16 114

By mahlee - 06/10/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my college roomate and I received our first pieces of mail. We were very excited because our mailbox wasn't empty anymore. She got a package of home baked cookies in the mail from her family. I got a letter from a stranger in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 314

You deserved it 3 710

Empathy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 17:00

Today, at a funeral, I'd told my autistic son it would be over at 11:30. By 11:33 he was loudly complaining the funeral should be over, and could we leave because he was bored. I had to drag him out, still loudly complaining about the time, while 50 relatives glared absolute daggers at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 300

By Raiden - 10/03/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 905

You deserved it 5 285

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 244

You deserved it 5 207

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 234

By Oh no - 13/10/2018 03:00

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 1 945

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 08:14 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 023

You deserved it 44 148

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 23:25 - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 821

By razzmataz - 28/01/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 906

You deserved it 3 133

By Olerbia - 28/05/2013 07:11 - United States

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 036

You deserved it 9 980

By randomdude3890 - 11/02/2015 04:58 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 316

You deserved it 37 985

By chloecamp - 15/07/2014 03:35 - United States - Ellington

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 165

You deserved it 4 233

By Noname - 11/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 427

You deserved it 61 214

By noname - 14/01/2009 06:33 - France

Today, my husband called me “my little zebra”. I gave birth a month ago, and I’ve kept a few stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 885

You deserved it 12 183

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 19:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 444

You deserved it 39 262

Bad, bad, bad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 10:30 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 317

You deserved it 15 615

Self-sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 12 574

By ScreweD- - 16/11/2015 21:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 058

You deserved it 2 085

Classic narcissist

By Vanessa - 28/04/2021 13:59

Today, my mother-in-law had a bitch fit because I had a miscarriage and my husband and I are having a difficult time. It’s her birthday and she said I should, “stop being an attention-hogging drama queen” and that, “shit happens, get over it” She doesn’t see what's wrong with her statements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 107

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 11:01

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 245

By anonymous - 20/02/2010 01:47 - Ireland

Today, while in bed with my game-obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 366

You deserved it 6 692

Red flag

By NormalName - 19/08/2017 13:00

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that, "all Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same." My name is Christopher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 722

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 29/09/2011 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 648

You deserved it 3 243

No, of course she's not…

By so racist - 25/06/2020 02:02

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 266

By allycat - 25/07/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 514

You deserved it 2 684

By nobrony - 02/07/2012 19:53 - United States - Katonah

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 5 458

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 15:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after graduating from the same program, I was offered several jobs, while my boyfriend wasn’t. He couldn’t be happy for me, saying, "She got in with the right people, and they just keep handing her jobs," and dismissing my work ethic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 112

By I'm stupid - 25/11/2012 15:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 582

You deserved it 37 829

By waitthatsnotme - 15/08/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 173

You deserved it 5 520

By james - 14/12/2008 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 995

You deserved it 6 803

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