Love: Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third...

By swiggityswooty - 23/07/2014 04:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 7 336

Love

Empathy lives

Own it

BO Central

Live from the chopper

By cpiro - 27/05/2020 05:00

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 305

By squishyboy - 26/05/2009 08:23 - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 7 820

Vibe check

By aussiegirl - 15/10/2020 08:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression after being severely bullied and harassed at my workplace. It was also today that my fiancée told me I was “creating really negative vibes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 19:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 488

You deserved it 2 745

By papergirl - 24/04/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 209

You deserved it 19 539

By savanna - 03/05/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 260

You deserved it 4 581

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 02:46 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 630

You deserved it 35 583

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 101

You deserved it 6 580

By licensed_ginger - 08/01/2015 18:44 - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 381

You deserved it 4 336

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 19:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 012

You deserved it 3 196

By intheairtonight - 25/04/2012 06:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 562

You deserved it 3 136

By oh my fucking god - 10/07/2014 13:34 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 143

You deserved it 9 070

By Kitcat034 - 22/01/2018 15:00

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 749

You deserved it 1 012

By ashamed - 20/01/2016 19:00 - Germany

Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 171

You deserved it 1 677

By Scaredshitless - 03/02/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 3 718

Seasonal allergies

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 06:01

Today, I sneezed inside my helmet when I was driving 90 mph on my motorbike. No quick solutions were available to improve visibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 226

I Want You (She's So Heavy)

By Anonymous - 31/10/2021 14:00

Today, my flatmate has gotten so obese that she's breaking through the solid wood floors just by walking barefoot. She refuses to diet, and we're never getting our deposit back on this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 112

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2019 14:29

Today, I discovered that pictures really make a person look more attractive than they really are. Besides the downgrade in attraction, we got to spend the next two hours playing an awkward game of 20 questions. This from a guy that wanted nudes right away. So much for online charm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 571

By pygmalion - 26/09/2009 10:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 503

You deserved it 5 344

By fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 791

You deserved it 4 510

By Cold&Soaked - 03/02/2018 05:00

Today, I set my alarm and got up early to view the Super Blue Blood Moon. I was all wrapped up in a blanket and had a perfect view from my backyard. It’s been a truly amazing experience, made even more exciting by the sprinklers turning on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 767

You deserved it 801

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 521

You deserved it 1 141

Big bastard boss

By noporn4u - 03/10/2020 19:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 102

By Hooperist - 25/05/2015 11:39 - United States - Murrieta

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 002

You deserved it 1 837

By Ms. Heartless - 16/12/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 520

You deserved it 13 436

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 170

You deserved it 3 673

By suosi - 26/07/2015 17:55 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 034

You deserved it 2 139

Constant flow

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 20:01

Today, my granny called me to, "Come change me please, I just peed." I interrupted what I was doing, walked over to her bed, pulled down her covers and was just about to go for the pad when she said, "Actually... I'm still peeing. Come back in a couple of minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 14/10/2017 20:00

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 529

You deserved it 324

By Desiree_lianne - 26/03/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, my fiance said his cat is going to be my maid of honor at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 952

You deserved it 2 959

Call The Police!

By ChangingTheLocks - 13/07/2019 12:30

Today, I came home after a long day at work to find the furniture in my living room had been rearranged by my mother-in-law. When asked how she got in, she told us she stole my husband's key and made herself a copy. She can now come here whenever she wants, unless I change the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 203

You deserved it 3 227

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 11:40 - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 351

You deserved it 3 260

By I stink - 18/12/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 29/01/2011 11:55 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 849

You deserved it 4 114

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 048

You deserved it 5 673

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 1 156

Water, water, everywhere

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 16:11 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 542

You deserved it 6 507

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 67

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Top comments

magicman13 9

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:56

Maybe it is you...

the_zero_article 15

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:01

Maybe it's Maybelline

magicman13 9

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:56

Maybe it is you...

the_zero_article 15

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:01

Maybe it's Maybelline

Chibi_Kitten 24

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:06

#9 Maybe it's just a cover, girl. (I don't know why my previous comment didn't post)

Shrouds 14

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:37

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful. I don't like youuuuuu.

demo88001 9

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 20:02

You guys should've stopped after the Maybelline joke

JuliaaNoelle 26

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 20:34

When I was a kid I thought the Maybelline commercials were saying, "Maybe it's make believe"

Crofty92 17

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 20:50

#9 Maybe it's Photoshop.

tournamentdecide 33

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Thursday 24 July 2014 0:30

Maybe this is getting annoying.

cam25_fml 2

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Thursday 24 July 2014 0:57

Maybe it's not annoying

zZLightZz 13

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Thursday 24 July 2014 10:33

"It's not you it's me.....not liking you"

moniyologawa 5

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Friday 25 July 2014 0:48

Maybe youre Taylor Swift

winter_under_ice 18

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:56

That sucks OP. You'll find the right person someday. Good luck!

desoxyn242 14

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 20:01

I'm sure his ex's said this too

football98_fml 20

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Thursday 24 July 2014 0:12

Maybe you're just too awesome for them

QueenofWheels 13

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Friday 25 July 2014 5:48

I think the problem is OP isn't the right person

MrConcise 34

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:56

It's nothing therapy and booze can't solve. I hear those go together nicely.

jerzjay 17

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:57

yeahh, definitely sounding like a lie. Sorry op :/

xosxo 3

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 22:02

wow sherlock, glad we have you to come to that conclusion.

niallo 23

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 23:01

Even if it is a lie, they bothered to tell it. This tells me they really do care about you. Just not enough to date you.

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:58

Guess they're just not that into you

JMichael 25

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:59

I'd say next time confront them and ask them exactly what the problem is.

chosha_fml 25

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 20:13

I'd say ask them without being confrontational.

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 21:49

May be a good time to contact the first 2 exes and asking them now it's less fresh.

sweetest_jenn 18

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:59

Not all relationships are meant to work out. Don't blame yourself, maybe those other ones weren't ready to commit.

meepingoreos 6

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 18:59

Aw definitely a lie. But it would definitely be me, and not you :)

headofmedusa 15

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:03

Maybe it IS them.

LaLince 40

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Wednesday 23 July 2014 19:03

Perhaps you're really to nice to your partner. So nice that you put them in a difficult situation. Even more when you're exagerately nice at the beginning of a relationship. Think about your behaviour because three clues make an evidence.