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Catch!

By babybreath - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 389

You deserved it 10 351

By zbaby - 23/05/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 964

You deserved it 6 878

By airborne - 06/05/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 176

You deserved it 17 618

By jake - 12/08/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 743

You deserved it 40 765

By kiwi - 11/11/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 652

You deserved it 11 485

By nasty_ex - 21/06/2011 12:25 - Australia

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 678

You deserved it 3 391

See ya later

By myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my sister drove past me while I was walking home in the rain. She honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 234

You deserved it 3 606

By bradyman - 29/12/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 374

You deserved it 6 141

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 12:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 3 855

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 971

You deserved it 2 894

Turn on

By bodyelectric - 13/04/2009 12:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 855

You deserved it 9 778

By 3hoursleftofwork - 28/03/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 5 375

Cash grab

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 05:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 319

You deserved it 5 067

Embarrassing little secret

By FML - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his roommate finding out I'd spent the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 5 683

By SorryUncleTommy - 01/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 310

You deserved it 7 069

Mixed signals

By Leota - 15/08/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 238

You deserved it 13 073

By Jarool - 12/05/2014 19:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 657

You deserved it 6 658

By Gayeveryday - 15/04/2012 04:12 - Canada - Truro

Today, I came out to my parents. They still think I'm joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 518

You deserved it 5 950

By easrc - 08/09/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I was doing laundry at college. There was a pile of clothes sitting on top of a dryer, but the dryer was empty so I used it. I came back to a note saying, "Don't touch my laundry, asshole" and a dryer filled with urine soaked laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 688

You deserved it 4 847

easrc tells us more.

easrc 5

Tuesday 6 October 2009 18:10

I don't think you understand-the dryer was EMPTY with someone else's clean, dry laundry on top when I got there. I put my stuff in the the dryer and the idiot thought that I took his clothes out when in fact, it took him so long to get his stuff that SOMEONE ELSE took his clothes out, dried their own, AND took their own laundry out again. To all the people who agree that this is a real FML-Unfortunately the room doesn't have security cameras, but I narrowed it down to 3 possible people based on who I remember being in the hall at the time and the fact that it was mens clothing. The RA and the administration are currently investigating it-hopefully they make the culprit confess!

By Anonymous - 14/01/2013 08:24 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 002

You deserved it 6 704

By uggo - 29/03/2011 17:12 - United States

Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 793

You deserved it 5 424

By matiasbarbero - 16/02/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 375

You deserved it 10 822

Stop begging

By cuckolddreams - 21/01/2015 19:06 - United States - Broken Bow

Spicy

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 317

You deserved it 11 769

By fionnathehuman - 09/10/2012 22:56 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 334

You deserved it 3 859

OK?

By Habit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 198

You deserved it 10 306

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 10:37 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by sending me a text. She was sitting right beside me on a 10 hour car trip, and there was still 6 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 361

You deserved it 3 165

By oopsididitagain - 30/11/2010 18:49 - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 986

You deserved it 30 265

By sad - 24/04/2009 08:18 - United States

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 295

You deserved it 3 969

By thompson773 - 20/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 370

You deserved it 9 804

By sad_gay - 16/04/2009 08:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 290

You deserved it 17 049

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The Top

The Top

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 1 384

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 854

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 888

You deserved it 2 344

Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 339

You deserved it 6 992

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 564

You deserved it 1 372

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 936

You deserved it 3 722