Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started... - FML

By Kiimmy - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

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Season finale

White line fever

Where are you?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

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By Leauge - 28/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Owensboro

Very smart

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

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By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

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By brigie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML

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By bad_day_in_hell - United States

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

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By inboxbuddies - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By elfy2

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

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By iprobablyhaveherpes - Australia

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

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By hrtbrkn - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

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By praise the prenup - United States - Delaware

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

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By you - United Kingdom

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

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By iris - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

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By silverspud - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cortland

Today, my Axe shampoo, body wash, and deodorant finally did their job: they got a girl to notice me. Too bad the girl was my grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By slcbabii23 - United States

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

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By Anonymous

And now, on Judge Judy

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

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By FarisH - Jordan

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

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By LoveUGuysToo - 5/8/2020 14:03

Where did everyone go?

Today, I wrote a Facebook post venting about the horrible things I've been going through lately, hoping my friends would console me. I discovered that my English teacher from 30 years ago, the creepy dude who keeps asking me out, and some random chick I don't even know are my only "friends." FML

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By whytoday

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

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By Bekah - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

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By tee - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

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By Lionman - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

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By Peter80 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

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By HAIL SITHIS - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

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By to_complicated_4_u - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

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By skinnyguy23 - United States - Briarcliff Manor

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

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By whatjusthappened - United States - Loveland

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

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By madessalarouge - United States

Today, my 4 year old son excitedly asked me if he'd get to see drones at the zoo. He apparently thinks drones are living creatures. I guess I can go ahead and spend his college savings on shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

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By Tytonic - 20/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

First dates

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2020 09:00

Liar !

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

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By hunnybaby0319 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

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By Ray - United States

Das wat u get hoomin

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap...where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

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By TheBeastSwaq - United States

Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML

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By God the smell

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

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Top comments

By guiltypleasure12 | 0

#1523263 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

he's making a joke, what's the big deal.

By SmallTownCutie | 0

#1523267 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

haha he's a funny guy(: keep him around.

COMMENTS

By x805xUnknown | 6

#1523255 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:02

Maybe he likes the intensity of your emotions?

Reply

flashback.miss | 28

#1523363 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:13

A dacryphiliac? maybe? I dont know... this is Oo worthy...

Reply

ElOres | 2

#1523427 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:25

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jakii_ | 0

#1523430 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:25

you entertain your boyfriend
it's all good

Reply

TurtleHabitat | 0

#1523446 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:28

Tuuuurtttllllessss

Reply

1personinthiswor | 0

#1523508 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:38

15....your pic scares me. A lot.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1523523 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:41

FUCK.

Reply

jakii_ | 0

#1523536 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:43

20-- he was probably joking. how is he inconsiderate?
and you didn't SEE her cryimg, so you can't claim she's annoying

Reply

Bad_Boy1321 | 0

#1523555 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:51

Omg ik right

Reply

Epilepsy_fml | 0

#1523703 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:29

YDI for being a lil pussy ass bitch.

Reply

regine22joy | 0

#1523742 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:38

it's just a joke, chill guys. and 20, you don't know for sure.

Reply

Kyto7884 | 0

#1523963 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:11

Not an FML. get over it.

Reply

darlinqqbella | 0

#1523966 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:12

Congratulations, You officially have a deushbag of a boyfriend.

Reply

Thin_Ice_fml | 0

#1523969 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:14

Big deal. No one cares about the guy who doesn't show feelings about the movie that sucked one way or the other. If someones wasting my time, I'd be annoyed too. YDI op, and get over it.

Reply

darlinqqbella | 0

#1523972 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:14

Congratulations, you officially have a deushbag for a boyfriend.

Reply

NatDancer2010 | 0

#1524030 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:32

that's sweet not an fml

Reply

seanders | 10

#1525434 - Sunday 10 October 2010 3:19

84:congratulations you're a retard and can't spell.

Reply

Leke59 | 2

#1525903 - Sunday 10 October 2010 5:56

HAHA i love how #20 is being "inconsiderate."
Damn Hypocrites.

Reply

YDI_Bro | 0

#1526013 - Sunday 10 October 2010 6:41

lol @ seanders

Reply

hairt | 4

#1526114 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:25

LOL #113

Reply

acethehusky | 0

#2914761 - Sunday 17 July 2011 17:10

...maybe not.

Reply

lexi1337 | 5

#5873974 - Monday 3 March 2014 7:09

Stop being an ass :)

By FootballFreak4 | 3

#1523261 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:02

haha nice

Reply

shreena112 | 0

#1524175 - Sunday 10 October 2010 0:01

ummmm wow?

Reply

jrsl | 2

#1524620 - Sunday 10 October 2010 1:47

uhm you guys are stupid this is a total repeat.

By guiltypleasure12 | 0

#1523263 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

he's making a joke, what's the big deal.

Reply

evillittleme | 5

#1525888 - Sunday 10 October 2010 5:50

agreed! I think he was just trying to cheer you up..

Reply

ViiciousDreamz | 0

#1526064 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:04

omg crying over a movie, loser

Reply

ImCool7 | 0

#1526220 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:52

exactly. this isnt a fml....

Reply

saladgirl123 | 0

#1535969 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 4:39

i agree

By pilotkev | 5

#1523265 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

Totally the crying girlfriend!

By SmallTownCutie | 0

#1523267 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

haha he's a funny guy(: keep him around.

Reply

fantita495 | 19

#1526250 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:59

totally agree!!

By robnunzi | 0

#1523270 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

my guess would be neither

By xStiina | 0

#1523301 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:05

Haha, he sounds fun :p

By explosiveskittle | 0

#1523316 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

hahahah. how is that FYL?

By ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#1523320 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

this is so NOT and fml YDI for making me waste minutes of my life reading this!

Reply

jacketfootball | 0

#1523347 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:09

it took you minutes of your life to read this?

Reply

jacketfootball | 0

#1523396 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:18

oh yeah change you comment and make me look like a dumbass thanks bud

By iRyanJr | 0

#1523327 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:07

Boyfriend win. Don't cry, grow some balls. Not really grow some balls but you get the point.

Reply

elmorous | 0

#1523548 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:48

yah, that would be gross for him