Love: Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started...

By Kiimmy - 09/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 722

You deserved it 27 029

Love

Our house, in the middle of our street

Empathy lives

Age difference

By AloneForChristmas - 25/12/2018 16:00

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 690

You deserved it 213

By Joe - 04/08/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 784

You deserved it 125 895

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 04:49 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 775

You deserved it 3 936

By baddormgirl - 19/02/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 313

You deserved it 47 649

By stinky - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 034

You deserved it 46 631

FML's OnlyFans

By Anonymous - 06/09/2020 08:01 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, I signed up for my ex’s OnlyFans. She never sent me nudes when we were dating, now she’s selling them to everyone she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 1 410

Gonna need more details, please

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 02:01

Today, I learned my husband thinks that our 10-year relationship has been a "step above mediocre" since 8 years ago, when we got married, and his family melted down that our wedding didn't happen their way, and thus began their undermining of our relationship. He believes it's "no ones fault." Uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 94

By Gottabekidding - 09/09/2016 00:33 - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 841

Creepy crawlies

By Anonymous - 27/07/2020 17:01

Today, a friend of mine told me, after coming over to my house for years, that she has tiny "bugs" that are attached to her and follow her wherever she goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 111

By bob - 03/07/2012 17:33 - United States - Fairborn

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 909

You deserved it 9 344

By Anonymous - 20/08/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 463

You deserved it 4 389

By Anonymous - 29/07/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 575

You deserved it 10 670

By PizzaBoySwag - 04/06/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 280

You deserved it 125 655

Romance

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 4 628

By Noname - 17/03/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 123

You deserved it 24 493

By angry - 28/06/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 991

You deserved it 8 670

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 883

You deserved it 2 736

What happened?

By Kallian - 25/11/2019 03:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I walked home and found a massive branch had fallen into my parking space. My first thought, "Thank God my car wasn't hit!" My second thought, "Where's my car?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 116

Family coincidence

By Anonymous - 06/11/2019 02:30

Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 602

You deserved it 186

By bottlepoppin - 02/03/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, a customer opened with "you open bottles with them thangs?" I look around my desk for something he might confuse with an actual bottle opener. His girlfriend then informs me he is talking about my breasts. I work for a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 930

You deserved it 3 939

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 419

You deserved it 15 424

By CircleBruise - 08/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 386

You deserved it 5 863

By boogery - 26/01/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 631

You deserved it 13 476

Life goals

By BlackRose - 07/08/2021 18:01

Today, I realized I’d rather be the crazy cat lady rather than get married and have kids like a normal human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 282

By kstaa - 10/02/2010 11:47 - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 115

You deserved it 4 511

By caitplaysguitar - 09/02/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 186

You deserved it 6 499

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 272

You deserved it 16 729

By Tourist - 26/03/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 505

You deserved it 598 738

By Scaredshitless - 03/02/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 858

You deserved it 3 718

Cheats, cheats everwhere

By bbbblt - 15/08/2010 11:39 - Australia

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 793

You deserved it 3 820

Hangry

By thedri11 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxnard

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 3 788

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 983

You deserved it 8 020

By fatbabysyndrome - 18/12/2012 17:33 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 707

You deserved it 6 329

By ouch - 16/04/2013 16:17 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 150

You deserved it 6 076

By Ah piss - 15/09/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 072

You deserved it 3 879

By Anonymous - 17/07/2014 02:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 215

You deserved it 4 785

Didn't see ya there!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 19:10 - United States - West Chester

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 037

You deserved it 2 348

Growing old gracefully

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 18:25 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 672

You deserved it 623

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 824

You deserved it 3 003

By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 348

You deserved it 1 617

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