Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started... - FML

By Kiimmy - 9/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

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Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Ghosted

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 27/4/2012 15:22 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

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By unsuckable - 28/8/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

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By fucked - 24/8/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

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By Coolios - 24/6/2013 14:16 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

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By SadMother - 4/10/2014 19:52 - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

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By surfergal91 - 14/2/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Lotje13 - 1/1/2012 00:19 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

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By Cashier - 24/9/2011 06:21 - United States

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2015 15:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2013 04:12 - United States

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

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By iross - 23/10/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

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By Shelbitchh - 28/7/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

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By PeppermintPenny - 10/8/2017 20:00

Been There

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

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By vistingherfamily - 25/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

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By Lilly_28 - 11/8/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

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By openmouthinsertfoot - 7/12/2010 17:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

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By elmalo68 - 20/9/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

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By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - 18/4/2015 19:34 - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

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By loserr - 28/2/2014 17:13 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

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By LoveMyNewBro - 4/1/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

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By Swaby - 1/3/2009 08:14 - Hong Kong

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

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By cacheson - 5/6/2020 23:00

The Good Fight

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

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By whatabitch - 16/9/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

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By SlowLane - 11/9/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

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By nicolette5785452 - 16/11/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

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By neverStopLaughin - 4/10/2009 20:31 - United States

Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML

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By nickern - 8/2/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

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By biggs sprhro - 10/10/2015 04:25 - United States - Bryan

Today, my friends were right about me being whipped. My girlfriend now has me setting an alarm for 3 hrs after she's fallen asleep, all so I can uncover her feet so she doesn't get too warm. FML

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By jess - 7/3/2010 14:08 - South Africa

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

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By Schmolly - 13/10/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I had a mental break down. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was "I think we were better off as friends." FML

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By Mixta - 3/1/2015 04:45 - France - Roubaix

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

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By xXWhiteSheepXx - 8/4/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 14:52 - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

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By Butqhy - 30/6/2016 11:07

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

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By sincerely depressed. - 9/8/2012 21:42 - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

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Top comments

By guiltypleasure12 | 0

#1523263 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

he's making a joke, what's the big deal.

By SmallTownCutie | 0

#1523267 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

haha he's a funny guy(: keep him around.

Comments

By x805xUnknown | 6

#1523255 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:02

Maybe he likes the intensity of your emotions?

Reply

flashback.miss | 28

#1523363 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:13

A dacryphiliac? maybe? I dont know... this is Oo worthy...

Reply

ElOres | 0

#1523427 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:25

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jakii_ | 0

#1523430 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:25

you entertain your boyfriend
it's all good

Reply

TurtleHabitat | 0

#1523446 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:28

Tuuuurtttllllessss

Reply

1personinthiswor | 0

#1523508 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:38

15....your pic scares me. A lot.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1523523 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:41

FUCK.

Reply

jakii_ | 0

#1523536 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:43

20-- he was probably joking. how is he inconsiderate?
and you didn't SEE her cryimg, so you can't claim she's annoying

Reply

Bad_Boy1321 | 0

#1523555 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:51

Omg ik right

Reply

Epilepsy_fml | 0

#1523703 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:29

YDI for being a lil pussy ass bitch.

Reply

regine22joy | 0

#1523742 - Saturday 9 October 2010 21:38

it's just a joke, chill guys. and 20, you don't know for sure.

Reply

Kyto7884 | 0

#1523963 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:11

Not an FML. get over it.

Reply

darlinqqbella | 0

#1523966 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:12

Congratulations, You officially have a deushbag of a boyfriend.

Reply

Thin_Ice_fml | 0

#1523969 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:14

Big deal. No one cares about the guy who doesn't show feelings about the movie that sucked one way or the other. If someones wasting my time, I'd be annoyed too. YDI op, and get over it.

Reply

darlinqqbella | 0

#1523972 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:14

Congratulations, you officially have a deushbag for a boyfriend.

Reply

NatDancer2010 | 0

#1524030 - Saturday 9 October 2010 23:32

that's sweet not an fml

Reply

seanders | 10

#1525434 - Sunday 10 October 2010 3:19

84:congratulations you're a retard and can't spell.

Reply

Leke59 | 2

#1525903 - Sunday 10 October 2010 5:56

HAHA i love how #20 is being "inconsiderate."
Damn Hypocrites.

Reply

YDI_Bro | 0

#1526013 - Sunday 10 October 2010 6:41

lol @ seanders

Reply

hairt | 4

#1526114 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:25

LOL #113

Reply

acethehusky | 0

#2914761 - Sunday 17 July 2011 17:10

...maybe not.

Reply

lexi1337 | 5

#5873974 - Monday 3 March 2014 7:09

Stop being an ass :)

By FootballFreak4 | 3

#1523261 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:02

haha nice

Reply

shreena112 | 0

#1524175 - Sunday 10 October 2010 0:01

ummmm wow?

Reply

jrsl | 2

#1524620 - Sunday 10 October 2010 1:47

uhm you guys are stupid this is a total repeat.

By guiltypleasure12 | 0

#1523263 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

he's making a joke, what's the big deal.

Reply

evillittleme | 5

#1525888 - Sunday 10 October 2010 5:50

agreed! I think he was just trying to cheer you up..

Reply

ViiciousDreamz | 0

#1526064 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:04

omg crying over a movie, loser

Reply

ImCool7 | 0

#1526220 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:52

exactly. this isnt a fml....

Reply

saladgirl123 | 0

#1535969 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 4:39

i agree

By pilotkev | 5

#1523265 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

Totally the crying girlfriend!

By SmallTownCutie | 0

#1523267 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

haha he's a funny guy(: keep him around.

Reply

fantita495 | 19

#1526250 - Sunday 10 October 2010 7:59

totally agree!!

By robnunzi | 0

#1523270 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:03

my guess would be neither

By xStiina | 0

#1523301 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:05

Haha, he sounds fun :p

By explosiveskittle | 0

#1523316 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

hahahah. how is that FYL?

By ifyouseekamy666 | 0

#1523320 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:06

this is so NOT and fml YDI for making me waste minutes of my life reading this!

Reply

jacketfootball | 0

#1523347 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:09

it took you minutes of your life to read this?

Reply

jacketfootball | 0

#1523396 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:18

oh yeah change you comment and make me look like a dumbass thanks bud

By iRyanJr | 0

#1523327 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:07

Boyfriend win. Don't cry, grow some balls. Not really grow some balls but you get the point.

Reply

elmorous | 0

#1523548 - Saturday 9 October 2010 20:48

yah, that would be gross for him