Miscellaneous: Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only... - FML

20/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 006

You deserved it 9 591

Our house, in the middle of our street

Teenage Riot

Movie night

01/05/2012 05:14 - United States

Today, I got some spam stating that I'd have no love life in the coming 10 years if I didn't reply to it. So, no different to the last 10 years then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 409

You deserved it 2 875

Friendly advice

By babydoc - 03/07/2020 23:00

Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 149

01/09/2016 23:23 - United States - Batavia

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 817

You deserved it 834

30/01/2012 06:36 - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 780

You deserved it 6 189

24/01/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 896

You deserved it 3 023

08/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 500

You deserved it 26 287

27/07/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 524

You deserved it 22 052

That's gross, dude

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 23:02

Spicy

Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 162

Make up your mind

By choke on a dick, sir - 01/11/2013 22:47 - United States - Portland

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 647

You deserved it 7 656

29/05/2015 12:13 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 000

You deserved it 4 552

23/01/2017 18:00

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 498

14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 536

You deserved it 8 138

Objectification

By cmck932012 - 26/06/2012 06:18 - United States - Tyrone

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 496

You deserved it 32 538

02/10/2012 07:10 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 942

You deserved it 3 168

11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 161

14/03/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 11 733

Customers from Hell

By fmcsl - 08/09/2019 00:01 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, a customer got an additional discount, so his total came to $61. He said, "It says they're 3 for $66!” I tried to explain the discount, saying it’s cheaper, but he still insisted on paying $66. I couldn’t modify the price at my end. He left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 118

27/03/2012 16:32 - Israel

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 039

You deserved it 2 864

20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 159

You deserved it 6 910

12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 297

You deserved it 4 306

24/07/2010 17:47 - Taiwan

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 166

You deserved it 20 920

02/03/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 007

You deserved it 4 038

15/01/2012 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 3 766

28/02/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 411

25/09/2018 03:00

Today, I was on my Wheel of Time fanfiction roleplay chatting seductively with my virtual lover while taking a break from doing some work, only to realize that I had accidentally sent the revenue report to my fellow fanfiction lover and used magic to undress my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 4 491

01/06/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 090

You deserved it 530

07/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 306

You deserved it 9 009

07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 897

You deserved it 12 937

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 192

17/11/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 983

You deserved it 193

28/06/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 618

You deserved it 4 079

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 058

You deserved it 8 676

15/03/2016 03:42 - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 590

You deserved it 1 671

01/12/2015 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 3 685

02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Spicy

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 820

You deserved it 6 838

Making new friends

By Nnn - 11/07/2019 12:00

Today, my coworker came to my desk, so I greeted him with a smile, and said, "Hello friend." He then told me that we are not friends, and that he hates when I say that. Oh, OK, sorry for trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 454

Another birthday ruined

By Michael - 13/02/2021 09:30 - Australia - Southport

Today, my girlfriend of one year broke up with me because I started having PTSD induced night terrors. On my birthday as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 59

21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 006

You deserved it 2 015

20/06/2013 06:32 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 994

You deserved it 3 211

Thanks Texas

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 227

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:22

man you got sugar on the bowling alley.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:12

Bowling has been quite dangerous lately! :o

Comments

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:11

who the hell says sugar buns? wel, atleast its better than happy sacks.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:20

I stoped reading after " sugar buns "

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:21

If I was the ball I would slap you for dropping me like that

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:25

YDI for saying sugarbuns, or because it was in quotes, for knowing somebody who says sugar buns.

BigBoii123456 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:43

lol sugarbuns

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Sunday 21 February 2010 2:11

Perhaps they were laughing at the perfect "drop your balls" set-up?

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Sunday 21 February 2010 2:13

lol who doesn't say 'sugarbuns' n puts them in quotations all the time...it's makin a 'comeback'

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Sunday 21 February 2010 3:04

I didn't even get what sugar-buns meant... Woulda thought ass or chest (if it's a girl) before balls :/

nmsm 1

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Sunday 21 February 2010 3:16

lol 11 YDI for saying sugarbuns just say butt or something, it's alot shorter

DonkeyDelight 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 3:18

Am I correct in thinking "sugar buns" are another phrase for testicles? I've just never heard of this phrase.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 3:42

I would think "sugarbuns" means butt. "Buns" alone is another word for butt, so that's my educated guess.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 4:04

wooow. only a sparkly vampire would refer to his package as sugarbuns.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 4:05

Hey maybe his "buns" are sweet, have you ever tasted them sir/ma'am? :) Don't worry OP, it'll all be over unless there are gorgeous pictures, but not life fucking, I'm sure you'll live.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 4:06

oh, so wait, does he mean his ass or his testicles? i thought of his balls first, tbh. still a stupid phrase either way.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 4:20

And I bet the bowling ball fell on his sugar cubes

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Sunday 21 February 2010 4:32

No, for balls, they say happy sacks

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Sunday 21 February 2010 5:13

k ydi for saying "sugarbuns". watre you a seventy year old woman?!

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Sunday 21 February 2010 5:53

vvxxfbxfhvddkhzhgdrhhy

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Sunday 21 February 2010 6:26

lol, same

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Sunday 21 February 2010 6:59

Why must every guy try and pretend to be cool for a girl to like them? Honestly, you can score alot more points by being funny. You also lose a shitload for saying sugarbuns Haha queeeeeeeeerbaaaaaag. :D

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Sunday 21 February 2010 7:07

sugar skid marks

boyguydudemalema 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 9:55

I have never heard anybody in real life uses the term sugarbuns nor happy sacks, only in fml do I here crazy lame shit like that . . .

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Sunday 21 February 2010 11:59

103 - Ah, that's because fortunately you don't know anyone quite that lame in real life :P

cals 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 17:20

sugarbuns? is that what the kids are saying these days?

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Monday 22 February 2010 4:06

your sayin you couldn't think of anything better then sugarbuns , oh wow

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Friday 3 September 2010 14:33

wtf does sugarbuns even mean? O.o im assuming hes talking about his ass? considering it would be pretty difficult to fall "right" on your balls

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:12

Bowling has been quite dangerous lately! :o

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Sunday 21 February 2010 3:58

haha agreed ^^^

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 21 February 2010 4:51

He threw his balls and then they whipped him forward and he lost his balance and landed on his so-called 'sugarbuns'.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:12

Sugarbuns, lmao.

Jrook 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 6:38

wow lol the quotation mark would imply people say it... they don't

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:13

ydi for being gay. no straight guy says sugarbuns

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:13

hahahahaha lol u shudve said it's my signature move and get up quickly :D

samantha_durano 6

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:14

suck it up buttercup :D even I enjoy my own pain.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:44

agreed...

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Sunday 21 February 2010 3:47

I agree also. Suck it up, it's not really a big deal and I'm sure your girlfriend wasn't enjoying your pain, she (and everyone else) was laughing because it was comical. It may have been embarrassing, but only because you let yourself feel mortified. Be a man, suck it up, and play it off. Being able to laugh at yourself will indeed dramatically improve your life.

boyguydudemalema 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 9:57

masochist >.>

tisiphone_fml 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:15

YDI for using the term "sugarbuns" in 2010. But seriously... how did you even manage the physics of that? That's ... impressive. At least you made your girlfriend laugh... but perhaps you should plan another activity for your next date.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 2:11

had to, last year he mightve gotten shunned instead of ridiculed

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:15

hahahaha. well that's embarrassing

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Sunday 21 February 2010 2:47

I don't think it would have been, had he gotten up and bowed to everyone. He made his gf happy, this isn't an fml.

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:18

I woulda laughd to :p no offense OP

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Sunday 21 February 2010 2:09

I wld hav 2 ! I laugh at myself all the timeXD

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Sunday 21 February 2010 1:19

get over it panzy

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 122

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136