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Pull yourself together

By Worthless - 15/12/2022 09:00

Today, the guy I thought I was gonna marry left me for another woman. I want to jump off my apartment building, but I’m too much of a wimp to even do it. Now, I get to live the rest of my life wallowing in sadness, while he gives his new girl the happiness I once had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 304

By nobody - 27/08/2018 21:00 - Ireland

Today, while I was talking to my boss, he got a call from "babe". The number that was calling him was my girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 155

By Brad - 07/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 877

You deserved it 223

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 411

Some people just want to watch the world burn

By WANTED: livable planet - 12/01/2023 12:00

Today, I mentioned to my parents that, considering the state of the world, the government needs to get its act together and ban guns, gas cars, meat, animal products, and plastic, among other things. They threatened to kick me out, saying I should "go live with the other dumbass hippies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 2 120

Red pill dingus

By Anonymous - 10/06/2024 21:00

Today, my son is refusing to find a girlfriend because, as he puts it, “Them woke bitches just want my money.” He lives alone, has a good job and lots of friends, but he never asks anyone out, and when women ask him out, he practically hisses at them like a feral cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 601

Check this out

By Anonymous - 30/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 2 740

So, it is not immoral ?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yelled at my dad for watching porn. My dad responded, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I've shown you!" He's also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 186

For what occasion

By Single Sally - 01/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me a ring. Oh no, not an engagement ring. He gave me a ring "to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 187

By fail2.0 - 27/10/2018 22:00 - Sweden - Skinnskatteberg

Today, I was going to put up wallpaper in my bedroom, so I asked my stepdad to switch off the electricity as there was an output on the wall. I started to cut out the wallpaper to fit and accidentally stuck my finger in there. The power was not off. An ambulance had to come check my heart rhythm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 476

Biblical

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 20:01

Today, my son has a habit of picking on his little brother when in a bad mood. I heard a massive crash and found him out cold with his little brother holding a homemade slingshot and a bunch of rocks. Apparently, in school they just learned about David and Goliath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 508

The wizard

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 14:00

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 201

No smoking

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 288

Social distancing is a thing

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 19:58 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I met a guy at a bar. Went home, got condoms, had sex. Also got Covid. First one night stand in four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 1 653

Us and them

By I had to stand his ground for him. - 12/02/2022 02:00

Today, there's a boy in my high school who is being bullied because he is left-handed. Repeat: HE'S LEFTY. Are you fucking kidding me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 140

Don't knock until you try it

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to use a sex toy on him. Am I in the wrong relationship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 2 087

The Walking Dead

By Derek Wheeler - 06/12/2020 08:00 - United States - Longview

Today, we overheard a customer in our store talking on the phone about how she'd been exposed to someone positive for COVID-19, and was supposed to be at home in quarantine just in case. The terrifying thing is how many other people come into our store when they shouldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 140

By Sarah-Louise James - 29/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was told by one of my bridesmaids that she can't afford the travel costs to get to my wedding, after telling me that she didn't need me to organize alternate free travel for her. I'm getting married in less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 241

By climber - 21/04/2017 20:00

Today, after climbing 8 flight of stairs due to electricity outage, I got to work only to find the office locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 298

You deserved it 381

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 199

Just ask

By Messy love life - 19/02/2021 12:31 - India

Spicy

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 1 436

Single life

By idk what to do - 04/03/2021 00:30

Today, I'm 22 year-old woman, and my entire family thinks something is wrong with me because I've never been in a relationship. I'm starting to believe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 166

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 259

Run for the hills

By SickofhisBs - 06/07/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, and every time I don’t feel like having sex with my boyfriend, he audibly jerks off, and passively aggressively moans to try and guilt trip me into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 675

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 17:01

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 3 532

Two things that aren't the same

By YanezIbanez - 13/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mother called me "wasteful" because I left the refrigerator door open and that "electricity money doesn’t grow on trees." This is the same person who lets my little sister have her light on all night, because she’s scared of the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 1 444

By Cop-er-Pot - 16/10/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 627

You deserved it 320

Global stinking

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 230

By pocahauntas91 - 21/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Redondo

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I dealt with migraines, body aches, and morning sickness. In my rush to the bathroom, I couldn't get my dog out of the way and puked on his back. Now he needs a bath, but wet dog makes me more nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 523

You deserved it 367

pocahauntas91 tells us more.

pocahauntas91 15

Sunday 22 October 2017 6:02

Hi, OP here. Morning sickness can be all the way up through the end of pregnancy. In my case, my husband is a very sound sleeper and hates puke more than I do, and he works nights so I didn't want to wake him up. Luckily this isn't an every day issue but it's been enough that I can't wait for this tapeworm to come out so the sick feeling stops lol

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 1 805

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 115

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided to poop in the middle of a crosswalk during heavy traffic. We have very strict laws (and fines) so I frantically tried to pick it up while cars waited, honking and watching me struggle like I was in the worst street performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 101

Today, while still desperately trying to be civil to my ex for the sake of our kids, I went round to his flat and found him passed out drunk with his air pistol on the floor. He’d been using pictures of me as targets. I think "civil" might be a hopeless goal at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 177

Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 405

You deserved it 60 030

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 519

You deserved it 2 793

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 475

You deserved it 310