Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML
Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML
Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML
Today, while driving, I put on my hazards and slowed to a stop to let a family of geese cross the street. The pick-up truck behind me however, decided to change lanes and speed off, running over at least half of them. FML
Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML
Today, I got chased by a duck. Not just any duck, the same duck that has chased me every morning for a week. I’m starting to think it has a personal vendetta against me. FML
Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML
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Top comments
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
And you still refer to this human red flag as your boyfriend?
RichardPencil 32
If you keep dating this psychopathic serial killer, you'd be a ducking idiot!
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Comments (10)
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
And you still refer to this human red flag as your boyfriend?
RichardPencil 32
If you keep dating this psychopathic serial killer, you'd be a ducking idiot!
Hangryko 32
Ghost & block the psycho yesterday.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Time to dump the psycho's ass. That's the makings of a serial killer.
slhiggx 17
First date = boyfriend ?? And the other thing is mental as well.
D J's MOM 17
I would have beat his ass. also you can report him for animal cruelty.
Ubehage 32
Only is the ducks suffered in pain. Killing does not equal cruelty.
Ubehage 32
YDI for still referring to him as your boyfriend.
spinningrecords 14
Hopefully that was your last date. Sounds like he is a real prize.
idragosani 17
Guess he's your ex boyfriend now
Sonotsuave 37
What the **** kind of human did you go out with? And why are you still talking to him? That’s the second you call the police, animal control, something & get the **** away from such an awful & unreasonably angry human!