Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than... - FML

By Cop-er-Pot - 16/10/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that my work life is far less stressful than my home life. I'm a cop. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Tidy your room

By Catherine - 10/6/2012 18:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

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By sickkid - 23/11/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

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By EPICfml. - 2/3/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 23:32 - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

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By soldierboy - 30/8/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

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By Austin - 12/2/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

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By moneyman22 - 1/3/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

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By t.hughes - 1/4/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

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By Jodie Zawadzka - 20/10/2017 06:00

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

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By boreed - 27/12/2011 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

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By jesspie - 11/1/2013 02:41 - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

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By fthislyfe - 2/7/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

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By Ghostie - 2/7/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

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By ihatespiders - 5/8/2014 12:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

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By ethawesome1125 - 3/11/2014 00:11 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

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By bad friend - 22/10/2019 05:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Hissy fit incoming!

Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

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By iprobablyhaveherpes - 20/10/2010 04:47 - Australia

Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML

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By mammasboy - 21/5/2013 18:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

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By meganridner - 4/8/2011 16:05 - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

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By vmml97 - 17/8/2009 21:16 - Canada

Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML

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By Pill popping zit monster - 23/12/2016 04:16

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

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By Sarri - 18/2/2014 02:13 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML

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By Richie - 20/5/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint. She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12-inch ham sub. FML

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By gvmfvr - 8/5/2014 20:48 - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

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By thenotsomanlyman - 7/3/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

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By sigh - 16/4/2012 03:10 - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

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By FeedMe - 27/5/2011 10:45 - United States

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

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By prostitott - 4/5/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

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By Mel - 11/9/2018 14:30

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

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By Monique - 10/4/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

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By bonertoolong - 23/11/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

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By crushed - 14/9/2013 17:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

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By ElleSavage - 26/5/2018 01:30

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

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By datingmrpicky - 22/8/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

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By SaltIsReal - 25/4/2017 00:00

Today, after winning the first set for school tennis championship, the losing side refused to shake hands with my team. We ended up getting disqualified from the championship by the referee for bad conduct, even though it wasn't our fault. We told the referee what happened, and he said, "Suck it up." FML

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By yourmom - 16/6/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

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Top comments

By exileonmainst | 16

#7553237 - Monday 16 October 2017 17:14

Bad family, bad family. What'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when they come for you?

By pjsr | 32

#7553295 - Monday 16 October 2017 19:53

Like the soldier who answered his nagging wife's letters, "Its the 1st time I've been in a big war, and I want to enjoy it in peace for as long as I can"

COMMENTS

By exileonmainst | 16

#7553237 - Monday 16 October 2017 17:14

Bad family, bad family. What'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when they come for you?

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7553243 - Monday 16 October 2017 17:23

Yep. Sometimes one is prisoner of our own problems.
You need to bail out.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7553246 - Monday 16 October 2017 17:30

I’d imagine that at your house “Fuck the Police” would be foreplay!

By pjsr | 32

#7553295 - Monday 16 October 2017 19:53

Like the soldier who answered his nagging wife's letters, "Its the 1st time I've been in a big war, and I want to enjoy it in peace for as long as I can"

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7553339 - Monday 16 October 2017 22:01

It's hard, you can't exactly shoot your family and sprinkle some crack on them. So yes, home can be more stressful.

Reply

Onionfairy99 | 4

#7554662 - Thursday 19 October 2017 22:36

Someone seems a little bitter

By davecross | 11

#7553438 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 4:45

You need some therapy. Or maybe a divorce!

By kousagiii | 4

#7553443 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 5:24

I found that for me, that I was a happier person at work than I was at home. Home life has gotten a bit better but, not by much.

By darnellq | 13

#7553574 - Tuesday 17 October 2017 13:56

I feel ya. I’m in the exact same boat.

Reply

TeachAllTheMath | 19

#7560241 - Saturday 4 November 2017 10:49

Any way out? Any escape possible? Life is too short to be miserable in your own home