Intimacy: Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML - FML

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Spicy

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 529

You deserved it 4 347

Hiding from the drama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

By stupid - 24/11/2014 19:21 - United States - Middleton

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 210

You deserved it 8 097

By Anonymous - 13/02/2018 01:30

Today, my phone went missing. My 8-year-old son took it to school and sold it for $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 631

You deserved it 651

By larvagirl23 - 18/06/2009 15:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 643

You deserved it 5 292

By johnsj8 - 17/03/2011 15:11

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 4 369

By . - 05/08/2016 16:57 - Germany - Neuwied

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 142

You deserved it 1 852

By Username - 25/11/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 198

You deserved it 4 146

By reesemaster - 23/11/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 9 828

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 539

You deserved it 21 997

By thanksjill - 10/03/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, our school went to an elementary school to read to the kids. One of the girls in my group asked me if she could switch into another group, so I asked her what was wrong with mine. She said, "Nothing, I wanna be in her group. She's prettier." I was insulted by a kindergartner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 846

You deserved it 3 989

Leech

By upyours - 22/05/2020 17:00 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 165

By tryena - 28/02/2009 10:59 - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 260

You deserved it 92 511

You've got some explaining to do

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend accidentally synced his contacts to my phone. I'm not sure who I want to message first, "Amber (Big Ass)", "Kayla (Baby Girl)", or one of the other 64 with similar descriptions in parentheses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 96

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 959

You deserved it 870

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 406

You deserved it 24 410

By oakley - 07/01/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 420

You deserved it 750

She definitely heard

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 252

By alopez1994 - 21/04/2011 05:28

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 999

You deserved it 13 767

By Elizabeth Ann - 02/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 284

By roseland - 07/07/2013 20:07 - United States - Hilton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 028

You deserved it 6 180

By RectalSteve - 10/09/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 494

You deserved it 272

By stupiddrunk - 01/03/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 39 236

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 660

You deserved it 6 031

First impressions

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 07:51 - Australia

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied, "I'm Kate thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 531

You deserved it 5 410

Hit and miss

By KitCatAttack - 11/10/2020 10:06

Today, I told my close friend that I have a thing for him. His reaction? "Oh, fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 145

Me is what matters

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 05:01

Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 96

By WalkTheOtherWay - 01/02/2015 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 610

You deserved it 7 543

By CanadianTwin - 06/07/2012 06:52 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 715

You deserved it 32 788

By LonnyLonnikins - 09/04/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I went to pick up my sister's wedding cake. It was a nice day, the shop was close, and the cake wasn't too big so I walked. On my way back, I stepped aside for a kid on a bike, tripped over my shoelaces, and dumped my sister's expensive, custom-designed cake. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 336

You deserved it 39 969

By screwed - 19/11/2009 03:31 - United States

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 091

You deserved it 3 181

By Monika - 05/05/2011 21:04 - United States

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 467

You deserved it 5 085

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 870

You deserved it 40 060

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 08:23 - France

Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 832

You deserved it 4 341

By Revalation - 27/08/2011 23:06 - United States

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 485

You deserved it 3 055

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 3 780

By FUCK - 22/07/2013 18:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 227

You deserved it 10 856

Father, you mean father

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 74

By HR nightmare - 02/12/2016 05:20 - United States - Glendale

Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 073

You deserved it 726

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 05:12 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 051

You deserved it 4 078

By Charles - 18/05/2011 17:13 - Norway

Today, I finally found out who has been hacking my email account to send dirty messages to my teacher. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 999

You deserved it 3 899

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 479

You deserved it 11 067

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Jerp 0

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2009 4:46

Better the next room than the same room.

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 February 2009 4:48

Time to move out mate!

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 February 2009 4:48

Time to move out mate!

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 February 2010 3:53

Depends on if they are old or younger. Try banging on the wall and yell "mom shut the Fu*k up I'm trying to sleep"

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 0:07

at least you know they still love each other

Send a private message

Friday 21 May 2010 16:13

Thats ironic

Send a private message

Sunday 13 June 2010 22:08

move out? join them!! lol jk... thats a sick thought... ewww

NailVarnishFan 0

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 21:15

don't move out, have sex in your room so they can here

benhd1 14

Send a private message

Thursday 4 October 2012 15:14

My parents did it all the time and they were loud The first time I heard it, I was twelve and it happened about 4 times per week Just saying OP might not be old enough to move out and it's only going to get worse

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2009 3:33

been there, i feel ur pain

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:17

lol how is it pain a bro or sis is formin in her genitals

gehoy 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 June 2011 4:43

Ever heard of birth control dumbass?

imnotlanderman 0

Send a private message

Monday 2 March 2009 18:20

At least they actually like one another enough to still do it. Otherwise, pretty nasty tho :(

9echo 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 May 2014 15:38

The funny thing is that OP posts this FML on his phone instead of getting the hell out of there.

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Thursday 16 February 2017 8:36

9echo: Perhaps he DID get the hell out of there before posting it via his phone. I certainly would have!

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 23:36

Well at least they're not getting divorced. How is this FML?

Caleb Billings 16

Send a private message

Sunday 21 April 2019 15:04

his parents are fucking in the next room...

canadiancockkid 0

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2009 4:19

you think thats bad try hearing them knowing your on the second floor there on the first and you are on opisits sides of a huge house and it still sounds like there right beside you -_-

Jerp 0

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2009 4:46

Better the next room than the same room.

lmfp 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 9:06

you have parents who love each other, this is the exact opposite of a FML. go out for a few hours or turn up your stereo.

Caleb Billings 16

Send a private message

Sunday 21 April 2019 15:05

no it's an FML because they have no consideration of who is in the house let alone in the next room

Send a private message

Sunday 22 March 2009 4:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Withired_Away 0

Send a private message

Monday 19 April 2010 4:29

wow that is really messed up man that better be a joke:P

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 November 2010 6:20

WTF is wrong with you that's like wanking to your mum moaning

xxmix 0

Send a private message

Saturday 28 March 2009 22:19

it happens to me often. i just take my ipod and that's it

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Send a private message

Thursday 2 April 2009 2:23

I've walked in on my Mom with her boyfriend three times in my entire life. It's disturbing.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 99

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 36