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Self own + Karma

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 897

Das wat u get hoomin

By Ray - 13/08/2017 23:15 - United States

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap… where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 132

You deserved it 2 464

By priceycommute - 19/08/2017 04:33

Today, after rushing to the bus stop and frantically boarding at the last possible second, I realized that I didn't pay my fare with a single, but a twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 1 066

Classic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 541

You deserved it 389

Baby mama drama

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 14:02

Today, I kind of wished I'd never become a stepmom. I didn't know what I was getting into. When one of the kids' moms stops making life hard, the other picks up. I love the kids with all my heart, but it's starting to hurt me. I can't give 100% because I'm reminded I'm "not their real mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 227

By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 073

You deserved it 333

Miss Pissy

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 1 935

By Chiiii - 15/11/2017 01:30

Today, I got home from working abroad for eight months and opened my post. I'm being taken to court over three parking tickets my mom didn't tell me she'd gotten using my car. If we lose, my credit score is affected for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 358

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 01:30

Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 142

You deserved it 365

Unreasonable demands

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 06:01

Today, my girlfriend was mad I have so many female contacts in my phone and demanded I delete some of them. Two thirds of them are blood relatives, the rest are coworkers, and one is a friend I’ve known since primary school, who is dying of a brain tumour. Which exactly should I delete? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 141

It's a doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was bathing my dog at a self-serve dog wash at a pet store. The person next to me decided to express his dog's anal glands, and the vile, greasy, fish-smelling liquid hit me on the side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 171

Kinda ****** up

By me - 04/07/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, after presenting my husband with a more than fair request to pay me an hourly wage for being a stay-at-home mom, he laughed his ass off and told me if I want money so badly, I could get a job. He'd rather strangers in daycare raise our babies than pay me what I'm worth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 866

Hard to believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 18:00

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 448

You deserved it 593

Snitch

By Cerie - 06/10/2022 16:00

Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 2 098

Meat Market

By Kelsey - 06/04/2020 17:00

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 266

By Gore - 19/06/2019 04:13 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was going to record a song I wrote for my dad, who I haven't spoke to in a couple of years. After getting things together, I called my mom to let her know I'd be doing this. She informed me he died. A year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 466

Notice me please

By wut? - 04/05/2020 14:00

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 241

Road safety

By Scared - 25/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I have two decades of existing under my belt, yet I still can't drive. The idea of trusting yourself and others to not be dumbasses when you're moving at high speeds is not at all appealing to my anxiety-ridden brain. I can't even ride a bike properly. How the hell am I ever going to live independently? FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 370

Malding

By fml - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I noticed the results of my hair growth vitamins. It's been a month since my bad haircut, and I've seen some definite growth… Everywhere except my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 250

You deserved it 428

By Anonymous - 14/08/2018 15:00

Today, my boyfriend's car broke down on the way to the gym, so he called his dad to give us a ride. On the way, his dad talked about how much he hates me and our relationship, as if I wasn’t sitting in the back seat directly behind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 216

Capitalism kills

By glorified taxi driver - 11/06/2020 20:08

Today, after starting a new job, having two ovarian cysts rupture and been in and out of the hospital twice in a week, I'd been told that I couldn't work, needed surgery, and could lose my ovary. I’m 23. I was told that my job was secure and not to worry. I received my termination letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 143

Shameless

By lying fuck! - 22/06/2020 14:02

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 594

You deserved it 213

By Useless Key - 02/09/2018 18:30

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 345

Great surprise

By Deployed - 07/12/2019 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 753

You deserved it 199

Looking good

By YoushouldsaythattoHER - 12/09/2018 22:00

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty." Not used to getting this sort of compliment every day, I felt extremely flattered… until he started explaining in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 16/09/2018 13:00

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 816

You deserved it 287

I think it's cool

By Elizabeth Ann - 21/09/2018 14:00

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 503

You deserved it 1 054

By Stressed - 24/09/2018 22:00

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 151

Cuff him to the bed

By appendicitisanyone - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfield

Today, I awoke to the pain of appendicitis. Apparently it isn't a good enough reason to miss court. I now have a warrant out for my arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 502

You deserved it 760

Co-parenting

By not helping - 18/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 176

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Random

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 2 022

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 074

You deserved it 4 040

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 921

You deserved it 5 117

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says, "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 486

You deserved it 3 756

Crushed it! (The bag of groceries, of course.)

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 230

Today, we had a meeting at work, during which I got reprimanded for "disappearing." I'm the only one who constantly stays busy, since I'm broken in a way that my self-worth directly correlates with how productive I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 137