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Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 424

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 14:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 255

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

By Sheila Deville - 24/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 229

If you're not part of the problem…

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 22:00

Today, I was fired for refusing to let a kid back into my classroom. This kid is a psycho. In the last month he punched my pregnant TA in the stomach, stabbed a girl with a pencil in the ribs, killed the class hamster, and a bunch of other stuff, but sure, I’m the problem and deserve to be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 106

Cool moves, Dahmer

By IwantOff - 09/10/2022 07:30

Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 223

By Peanutbutter runner - 22/06/2018 15:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was instructed to make the "Staff Orientation and Training Manual" at work. It's my second day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 496

You deserved it 253

Boring FML

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife of seven years told me she wants a divorce because I'm boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 362

Extreme dating

By umm yeah no! - 20/08/2021 13:59

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my new girlfriend about her terrible hygiene. In the two weeks we’ve been dating, she admitted to only having showered "once or twice." She doesn’t see a problem with this, even though the first (and last) time she came to my place, she smelled like death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 272

The Good Fight

By cacheson - 05/06/2020 23:00

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 1 104

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 417

Courtesy visit

By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 554

You deserved it 374

Topping from the bottom

By Anonymous - 23/01/2023 21:00

Today, my girlfriend wanted to have a conversation about sex. After she finished telling me what she liked, in exact detail, I said, "Well, I really like…" She cut me off and said, "I don't give a fuck what you like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 324

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

By parenting fail - 20/09/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, my stepdaughter proudly showed off her new tattoo. It says "Jace’s place" in sloppy script on her lower belly. She’s 15. Jace is a boy she’s been seeing for 3 months. She got the tattoo in "some guy’s garage." It happened during her weekend visit with her father. Hello teenage rebellion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 194

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 14:02

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 163

You OK, hun?

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 22:00

Today, my husband asked what I’d done all day. I took it as a criticism and was about to chew his head off about not appreciating all I do, when I took a look at myself still in pyjamas, the filthy house, dirty plates, and unwashed laundry and realised I’ve done fuck all for weeks. I’m a bad wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 701

The real Zodiac killer?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I told my husband that we should write down all our passwords so we don't forget them. Later, after he'd left, I pulled out his password sheet to do a little snooping, only to learn that he'd written them in some sort of bizarre cipher. What's he hiding? FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 1 257

Be hotter

By Amanda Howard - 30/11/2020 02:02

Today, I saw that a girl on Twitter made $1.5 million just from OnlyFans and she's only 19. Meanwhile, I'm 21 and working two jobs just to afford school and pay my bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 191

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 15:00

Today, I told my boyfriend he has to stop paying half of his baby mama's rent or I would leave. He laughed and said I could leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 1 825

First day at work

By dumbass724 - 13/01/2020 20:00 - Canada - Brampton

Today, it was my first day of work, and I was wondering why everyone was staring and laughing at me. I looked down and I realized that the fly on my jeans was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 492

Never send nudes

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 00:01

Today, I received a call from my employer. They found that some of my nudes have surfaced on the internet. Personal nudes and videos I took exclusively for my boyfriend. He denies he put them out there. Then who did? How stupid does he think I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 615

Sheila Take a Bow

By Ash090 - 14/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I came to realize that dating as an overweight girl sucks. I can’t get a guy to commit/stay to save my life. I go on dating apps, and when we exchange photos or meet in person they abandon me. I know that this will change if I lose weight, but is it wrong for me to want to be loved for who I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 661

One can only hope

By sadgirl - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 831

You deserved it 545

Baby driver

By Holland - 04/04/2019 12:00

Today, my check engine light came on. I took my car to the dealership, to be told it wasn’t an issue, and I would be fine to drive and use my car normally until my appointment in 4 days. Four hours later, my car won’t start 45 minutes from home. I guess a $200 tow bill means I wasn’t fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 189

Bored to death

By squarecircles - 15/06/2019 19:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 567

Stay safe out there

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 447

By blonde moment - 23/06/2019 14:23

Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 606

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 04:00

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 219

You deserved it 609

Overreaction Man

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 23:00

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 735

By cerulean - 10/10/2017 01:30

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 476

You deserved it 285

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

By Anyonymous_101 - 21/09/2019 14:02

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 98

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The Top

Today, I decided to give a break to my students halfway through my three hour lecture. The break became the end of the lecture, because nobody came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 309

You deserved it 4 661

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 046

You deserved it 62 161

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 708

You deserved it 30 732

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 525

You deserved it 32 436

I'm just gonna walk away now...

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 108

Today, while demonstrating to my wife how I broke my big toe, I broke the little toe on the opposite foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 993