Intimacy and Transportation: Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3670

You deserved it

256

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Breaking Badly

By Keisha

Downsizing awaits

Today, I got a 25-cent raise at work. That would be wonderful, had they not cut 6 hours off my schedule as well. I'm now making $200 less a month than I was pre-raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

You deserved it

89

Tweet

Share

By pissed_off_girl - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37550

You deserved it

3221

Tweet

Share

By rplovez - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30218

You deserved it

3996

Tweet

Share

By deadfish - United States

Today, my 9 year old little sister is coming back in town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8325

You deserved it

61482

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 14:01

Sharing is caring

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42292

You deserved it

5809

Tweet

Share

By nikkei

Bullet = Dodged

Today, while paying for dinner, my card declined and my date immediately left. The waitress then ran my card again successfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3128

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By Butch - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13201

You deserved it

1125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34978

You deserved it

4183

Tweet

Share

By Completely Fed Up - United States - Spokane

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22303

You deserved it

1498

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out on a dinner date when suddenly a girl walks up to us and says to my date, "Girl, you can do so much better." Hearing this, my date looks at me, nods, gets up and walks off. I still had to pay for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49393

You deserved it

3867

Tweet

Share

By Crissylove10 - United States

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13084

You deserved it

42897

Tweet

Share

By OrangeTree12 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11150

You deserved it

83504

Tweet

Share

By gottacatchemall - United States

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66677

You deserved it

28909

Tweet

Share

By Wow - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51023

You deserved it

4217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 14:02

Sewer monster

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1449

You deserved it

204

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36681

You deserved it

3867

Tweet

Share

By Stiny - United States

Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32229

You deserved it

15613

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I can fit back into the clothes I wore in High School. I was proud of this until my husband told me that I look like a stuffed sausage in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30138

You deserved it

11055

Tweet

Share

By Me - Australia

Today, I tried taking a shortcut through a nature trail, hoping to save myself some time getting back to my car. I ended up getting lost for nearly 3 hours and getting to work nearly 2 hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20106

You deserved it

12346

Tweet

Share

By single now - United States

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29319

You deserved it

4286

Tweet

Share

By DIY560 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39688

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I graduated from a top law school. My aunt's reaction? "I will never hang out with a cop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24259

You deserved it

2056

Tweet

Share

By scooter922 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8192

You deserved it

39481

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 14:00

That devil water

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1720

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By sadmom - 18/3/2020 05:05

What are you doing here?

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

371

Tweet

Share

By dust - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28912

You deserved it

3311

Tweet

Share

By xRyu - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35141

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By Humbug - United States

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31551

You deserved it

3676

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 02:01

On a scale of 1 to Annoying…

Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

826

You deserved it

58

Tweet

Share

By effmylife - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50055

You deserved it

3655

Tweet

Share

By cat co-parent - Australia

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31523

You deserved it

2731

Tweet

Share

By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Ed Sheeran-lite

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it is shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks

166

You deserved it

1602

Tweet

Share

By douglas - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

40103

You deserved it

8225

Tweet

Share

By Sad Chef ;( - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Being a chef of a highly-rated restaurant, I cooked a well-liked dish. Not only did she say no, but commented on how bland and tasteless the meal was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38815

You deserved it

3333

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15611

You deserved it

36585

Tweet

Share

By ILiveWithMorons - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34307

You deserved it

3326

Tweet

Share

By MrTandy - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31513

You deserved it

3682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40481

You deserved it

4272

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26409

You deserved it

3105

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7694260 - Sunday 16 September 2018 13:00

Were you?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7694334 - Sunday 16 September 2018 17:55

Gosh! You can’t make small talk with strangers anymore without them freaking out. I always thought the safe topics for polite conversation were the weather, sports and reproductive cycles.

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7694260 - Sunday 16 September 2018 13:00

Were you?

By melisssa87 | 30

#7694271 - Sunday 16 September 2018 13:31

Plot twist: OP is transginger

Reply

Batman_1872 | 20

#7911767 - Saturday 6 June 2020 15:35

that's gingerist

By Fickle | 6

#7694278 - Sunday 16 September 2018 14:39

Wrong, Just WRONG!

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7694280 - Sunday 16 September 2018 14:57

I would start carrying mace if I were you.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7694334 - Sunday 16 September 2018 17:55

Gosh! You can’t make small talk with strangers anymore without them freaking out. I always thought the safe topics for polite conversation were the weather, sports and reproductive cycles.

Reply

fabs1171 | 23

#7694570 - Monday 17 September 2018 8:10

Always best to avoid controversial topics such as politics and religion

By LadyRen | 20

#7694358 - Sunday 16 September 2018 19:08

Well, were you?

By RJR | 5

#7694373 - Sunday 16 September 2018 20:02

All I can picture is the Smelly Cat Friends episode...

By demix_fml | 32

#7694400 - Sunday 16 September 2018 21:04

This gave me gag! I hope you’re okay.

By real life problems | 26

#7694410 - Sunday 16 September 2018 21:27

If this app had smell-o-vision, we would smell it all around the world too.

By Razell | 13

#7695046 - Tuesday 18 September 2018 1:25

That's when you pull out your best Hannibal Lecter impression, and tell him that he looks like his liver would go well with fava beans and a nice Chianti.