Miscellaneous: Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 22:24 - Canada - Sackville

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 1 993

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Batman

Family issues

By feiedbutter - 07/12/2013 14:55 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 776

You deserved it 20 644

By ctop - 13/05/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 8 406

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 8 312

By Username - 29/05/2014 14:14 - United States

Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 914

You deserved it 4 709

By StungAlot - 19/06/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 2 719

By bitch - 16/05/2017 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dumped my boyfriend. To celebrate being newly single, I wanted to watch some shows on Netflix. My now ex-boyfriend had already changed the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 10 489

By ohseven6421 - 03/09/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 084

You deserved it 78 865

Reverse psychology

By Marie - 11/06/2020 17:12

Today, while trying to get my picky daughter to eat her dinner, I pretended to take some of her food and give it to her brother, thinking that would get her to eat it. Instead, she thanked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 721

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 16:40 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 255

You deserved it 13 355

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 16:17 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 292

You deserved it 6 084

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 02:01

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 152

Shot from both sides

By hannah - 18/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was yelled at by multiple people at work for not wearing any makeup. The only reason I don’t wear makeup is because my mom is guaranteed to make me cry before I leave the house every morning, so there’s no point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 87

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 277

You deserved it 2 494

By nowork - 28/08/2013 03:21 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 249

You deserved it 7 712

By effyou - 10/02/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 290

You deserved it 4 207

No exit! No choice!

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 03:00

Today, I drove my car and suddenly I got diarrhea & shit my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then, one of my work mates saw my car and came to say hello, she saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 270

By hungry - 15/08/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 936

You deserved it 2 183

By Lauren - 20/08/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 586

You deserved it 4 156

By "people these days" - 19/07/2013 20:36 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 841

You deserved it 15 824

By look before you speak - 09/02/2014 07:12 - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 567

You deserved it 13 766

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 3 215

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 040

You deserved it 35 330

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 15:00 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 161

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 06/11/2012 18:29 - United States - Monson

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 779

You deserved it 1 773

By hatemyjob - 23/06/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 675

You deserved it 4 029

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 186

You deserved it 5 196

By juvenile friends suck - 10/01/2013 20:52 - Germany - Tangstedt

Spicy

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 6 748

Felt so bad

By "princessmia" - 13/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Sequim

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 2 302

By anna - 22/12/2011 21:25 - France

Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 4 578

By dollybabe - 09/01/2010 21:20 - Ireland

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 11 658

By Sam - 03/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 9 584

By Potty-Pot - 23/01/2017 10:00

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 073

You deserved it 635

By treegirl - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 819

You deserved it 39 691

By turdtonomor9 - 12/05/2013 14:08 - United States

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 764

You deserved it 9 409

By ofcourse - 13/09/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 814

You deserved it 2 607

You rang?

By thathurt500x - 26/06/2020 20:08

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 516

By caly - 12/11/2018 16:32 - United States

Today, while at my mom’s house, my mom told me that I need to seriously curb my food intake. Then I went to my dad’s house and he told me I need to gain weight. I can’t win here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 683

You deserved it 163

Phished

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 626

By Bilibók Renáta - 16/08/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 795

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

feven 32

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:13

Maybe you're better off without these crazy drug addicts

CommentKing207 23

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:16

Go live on your own. There's no point in living with people would could potentially hurt you.

Comments

feven 32

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:13

Maybe you're better off without these crazy drug addicts

TheCookieComet 23

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:54

Wait hold on. This is Canada, isnt everyone supposed to be nice?

iLike2Teabag 27

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 21:18

Everyone but the drug addicts. And Canucks fans.

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 21:38

It says brunswick, any street that has the word "wick" at the end in NY is always a drug addicted area... Maybe it also applies to Canada?

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 22:20

Good one 39 I'm a Nucks you don't see me wanting to kill people stop being so judge mental

Shakazulu1216 13

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:14

Is your dad not there? Did he leave because of the drug addiction?

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:57

She was probably a hooker or something

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 21:09

Perhaps the father doesn't even know of OP's existence

Send a private message

Sunday 19 July 2015 0:50

@#23 & #26, I have never heard such two stupid stereotypical comments in my life. In no way shape or form do I condone OP's Mother and Aunt's behavior at all. Actually it is extremely horrid and Op is far better off with out both of them, however most drug addicts are not Hooker's and not married or divorced. Some drug addicts are in very high positions in high paying jobs, most you wouldn't even know they are addicts and even more come from middle to upper class. But then again you are Teenager's who have no idea about the world or addiction yet. I strongly suggest you educate yourselves. OP keep your head up and please go to a safe environment. I hope things get better for you!!

Rainbow_Princess 16

Send a private message

Sunday 19 July 2015 9:47

@ #58: I couldnt agree more! Childish assumptions!

kangx1 28

Send a private message

Monday 20 July 2015 5:56

#2 Who do you think you are? You don't randomly ask someone a sensitive question like that. It's way out of line.

A07 48

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:15

I'm sorry OP, but trust me when I say that you're better off on your own

trollcrusher 17

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 21:34

I totally agree with you, but I can't say the same for the mom; sounds like she could use some major help.

cOOkiEzRgOOd 22

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:15

Seems like you'll be better off out of there. Hopefully you can stay with other relatives or friends until you are on your feet OP.

CommentKing207 23

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:16

Go live on your own. There's no point in living with people would could potentially hurt you.

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:34

Oh, and don't forget to call the police and file threat and drug charges against them.

danimal_crackerz 26

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 22:50

This comment is 5x better with your profile pic XD

CommentKing207 23

Send a private message

Sunday 19 July 2015 2:29

#56 my profile picture doesn't fit with my comment at all...

tarlax 11

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:17

That's weed for ya.

Phooey 22

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:24

I'm pretty sure it's not weed. Sounds like crack or heroin because weed make people get the giggles and relax. I've never seen a pothead act crazy after smoking.

tarlax 11

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:27

It's a joke, dude. Not a funny one, but ey.

Phooey 22

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 21:42

C- for effort.

BasketCase092 19

Send a private message

Sunday 19 July 2015 19:02

You're an idiot.

Mustardtiger811 12

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:17

Sounds like you're better off without them

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:17

That's a tough one; but if you are being threaten with having your throat cut it seems like any situation is better than that, no matter how bad.

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:18

Great parental role models lol

soulreaper12296 28

Send a private message

Saturday 18 July 2015 19:19

Maybe that isn't an FML. You're better off not living with them if they're like that.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 16

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 101