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By Lizz - 06/02/2009 19:25 - United States

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 732

You deserved it 3 124

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 480

Divorced dad energy

By ihatemyex - 23/05/2020 14:00

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 647

You deserved it 195

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 229

You deserved it 226

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 4 545

Mutilation denied

By Fuck you I'm crying I would give you so many kids - 09/01/2026 15:00

Today, the man I thought I'd marry dumped me in a parking lot, because I insisted that any boys would be circumcised so my son wouldn't be confused. He literally said, "Circumcision is a deal breaker. Get out of my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 934

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 07/07/2024 09:00 - United States - New Philadelphia

Today, I realized my love life is a mess. I’ve been married for nine years, having an affair with a good friend for over a year, and I'm still in love with the boy who broke my heart years ago, and contacts me only when he is lonely. All three make me happy, but two of them are unable to commit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 1 567

Genetics

By outie - 13/09/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I have an 'outie' belly button, and he didn't want our potential kids to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 14:06

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 1 658

He had to find out eventually!

By Telley21 - 16/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Rexburg

Today, I made my boyfriend a beautiful dinner of seafood and rice. This was the first time I could afford lobster, and thought it would be a great treat for us both. I learned that this was the first time he has eaten lobster, and he learned that he is allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 245

You deserved it 534

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 835

You deserved it 641

By gold3nshow3r - 10/03/2017 02:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 599

You deserved it 439

Holiday cheer

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 14:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 178

By Ticketshame - 08/05/2019 08:00

Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 155

By faeliality - 16/04/2017 16:00

Today, after finally getting my drivers license, I was able to drive myself to school for the first time! I got fined $50 for accidentally parking in the wrong lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 158

You deserved it 1 931

By Penelope Cruz - 22/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I woke up early for work, put on my uniform, took two buses, and when I got there my boss laughed and reminded me that I was fired yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 1 859

By UGH! - 19/12/2016 18:21 - Canada

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 198

You deserved it 1 065

Best birthday ever!

By IHateMyLife - 01/02/2021 08:01

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 307

By Ewwwww - 27/05/2019 11:59

Today, while working the register, I told a kid his total was $2.15. He then took his shoe off and handed me his money. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 115

By Canceled Wedding - 25/05/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that because we made a mistake and applied for the wrong visa first, my fiancé probably can't fly into America to attend his own wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 648

You deserved it 1 294

Plus one

By Partyofthree - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 1 337

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 088

You deserved it 765

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 06:30

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 137

Getting ready

By Anonymous - 06/06/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I found several thongs in the dryer that my wife has never worn before, purchased just days before she is going on vacation with her girlfriends. Serves me right for folding the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 254

By cacheson - 19/08/2017 20:00

Today, after being single for a year, I finally have a boyfriend. Today, my chronic nightmares also started up again after being gone for a year. Apparently I'm allowed to have either a love life, or sleep. Not both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 367

By LadyEars - 08/10/2017 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I went back to my doctor because I had an ear infection in my left ear. Not only do I now have an infection in my right ear as well, I also I have a yeast infection from the antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 230

You deserved it 206

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick with granola for breakfast, salad for lunch, and hitting the gym after work. I was so proud of myself, until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 1 811

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 20:00

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 103

Not so normal, no

By grossedoutgirlfriend - 04/10/2019 14:00

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 496

You deserved it 396

I'm an empath

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 16:00

Today, after years of miscarriages and desperately wanting a child, I lost my temper and screamed at my sister after she announced she'd had an abortion last month. Now no one in the family will speak to me, since I referred to her adopted kids as, "Not really her children." FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 961

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The Top

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 150

You deserved it 476 392

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 884

You deserved it 804 304

Random

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 012

You deserved it 6 136

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 110

You deserved it 13 010

Today, my brother refused to bring his kids to a small family get together for my daughter’s birthday, due to his fear of Covid. Later, I saw online that he was at a huge party for his wife’s family, no masks in sight. When I confronted him, he blocked me and won’t return my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 149

Today, I learned that I'm highly allergic to onions. I love onions and they're in literally *everything*. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 155

Today, it's been 8 days since I left Indiana for Texas. It also marks the eighth day since my mother happily "saved me a ton of money" by sending my forgotten phone on its way via USPS ground instead of overnight. My phone is now marked stuck in transit and no postal worker knows where it is. You get what you pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 228

Today, I was spelling out a code for a customer and I said, “Q as in Cucumber” and he immediately said, “Cucumber is spelled with a C.” The call was recorded and my boss will probably hear it one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 452