Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML
Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML
Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML
Today, after I was on deployment 6000 miles away, and because my wife was struggling pretty bad with work, kids, and taking care of everything on her own, she finally had a breakdown so I came home early to help. I found out she was fucking another Navy dude the whole time. I should've stayed out there. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
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Top comments
ryand82 11
Dude. That sucks. Sorry. But at least there is no question if it is yours. Now you can start the paperwork and let her and the other guy deal with it.
manb91gb 15
I'm sorry to hear that... Pretty solid divorce case though. On another note, thank you for your service.
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Comments (11)
ryand82 11
Dude. That sucks. Sorry. But at least there is no question if it is yours. Now you can start the paperwork and let her and the other guy deal with it.
guiltyschuldig49 12
I don’t know how some of these women can think they can pull the wool over their husbands eyes? Like, they can do math.
manb91gb 15
I'm sorry to hear that... Pretty solid divorce case though. On another note, thank you for your service.
J15237 25
That is a tricky situation man. Obviously the trust is damaged to the highest extent, but do you still want to remain married? Personally if my wife cheated I would leave her for doing so. This is complicated because she is pregnant in your case. However, you have to wonder how often this has happened. Especially since she allowed herself to get pregnant.
tounces7 28
It's not very complicated if she's pregnant with another guys kid.
Graham Capstick 2
Have you a identical twin weight n see if so that could get real interesting lol
Loz88 3
Just out of curiosity you never had any time off to visit home in that 8 months? Coz one time on a visit home is all it takes unless you were never together in the same place at any point in that 8 months
ImpKit 7
Depends on which branch of the service along with where and what the deployment was for. Deployments to the middle east, or those on ships, almost certainly will not have had a chance to visit home. And for so short a deployment (and yes, 8 months IS short), the chances of getting leave to go home for a few days is improbable no matter the other circumstances.
LPS8585 26
He’s in San Diego, California. Most likely navy.
julfunky 29
I assume he’s smart enough to remember visiting during his deployment.
mountainmetal983 6
Bro I know your pain. Shit happened to me back in 2005. Go yo TJ and get a hooker than hit up papas and beer.