she better be grateful come some people's parents kick them out or disown them

Aww I’m sure she just had a picture in her head of how it would go - maybe a long embrace as you both wiped away tears - and when it didn’t go exactly like that, she took it to mean you don’t really care about it. I’m sure over time she’ll realize that you are accepting, just in a different way than she expected. Thank you for being so open!

Because it’s not about being accepted anymore it’s about being put on a pedestal and to be told you are so brave and special

When she’s older, she’ll appreciate how accepting you are. Right now, she’s just being dramatic

Her: this is my identity. I’ve been struggling to tell you. You: i don’t care Her: huh? You: i don’t care. Her: what do you mean: You: why would I care, it’s not gonna change anything. Now leave me alone

Her over-reaction to the fact you were accepting of it makes me wonder if she really is, or this was just a way to get attention.

she was probably expecting you to flip out and hates being wrong

This is a big milestone in her life--she's learned something new and important about herself, and she wants you to celebrate it with her. She probably thinks you're just tolerating it, not actually happy. Go tell her that you're happy, and proud of her for her honesty and introspection. A special dinner or a trip to somewhere fun might be a good idea, too--it's good to celebrate the milestones of growing up. And shame on everyone saying she's ungrateful! Kids need their parents to help them celebrate big milestones in life--it's normal to be upset over that kind of misunderstanding. This is a time to talk it out and show appreciation, not scold her.