*beep* *beep*

Seems the floor was very appeeling to you.

Next we need you to slip on a bar of soap while in the bathroom, trip on a roller skate and take a spill on a bunch of marbles.

Was there a sound effect and did you see stars or birds? If not, it wasn't cartoon-style.

Not to mention the Op wouldn't have been hurt that bad if it was cartoon style, those guys can take a beating.

You did it all wrong!

You’re supposed to fall on your ass and get concussed. That’s funny!

Senior citizens can be tough on ya. At least you get a discount on coffee at mcdonalds

Next, step on a rake and have the pole hit you in the head.

Where did this happen? Who leaves banana peels on the floor?

Hey, at least it was just a banana peel. Imagine the carnage if it was a blue or red turtle shell....

For your consideration.
Don't tell anyone just say you fell from a loose sidewalk piece or manhole something.
You have told people but you can easily not keep telling people.