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Thanks dad

By Anonymous - 19/09/2013 17:32 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 914

You deserved it 3 331

By ohtheirony - 10/12/2015 19:49 - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 061

You deserved it 2 198

You tried

By Anonymous - 23/09/2014 21:12 - United States - Denver

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 944

You deserved it 6 092

By Js2cool - 29/09/2015 02:32 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 102

You deserved it 7 129

Ouch

By Oldhouse - 22/07/2014 03:46 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 992

You deserved it 5 583

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 04:58 - United States - Latrobe

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 527

You deserved it 2 400

It's gettin' hott in here…

By Alan - 02/09/2015 20:13 - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 790

You deserved it 2 521

Congratulations

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 12:28 - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 2 813

By Anonymous - 10/01/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 132

You deserved it 536

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 06:00

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel anything when I'm cumming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 708

You deserved it 13 015

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 892

You deserved it 2 507

By bshoemaker45601 - 08/06/2016 20:57 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 345

You deserved it 3 552

By phobopohobia - 06/02/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 296

You deserved it 12 923

By dvddtraveller - 22/04/2016 21:25 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the local clinic and I met a really cute guy. We hit it off quite well, and he asked me out. It's like The Fault in Our Stars, but instead of cancer, we have STDs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 843

You deserved it 7 468

By hamboneghost - 24/02/2015 19:02 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 8 877

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 22:49 - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 160

You deserved it 3 612

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 04:34 - France

Today, I found out that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 475

You deserved it 31 617

By Snowman - 24/01/2016 22:21 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I was shovelling snow out of my driveway and broke my shovel. So I tried cleaning the driveway with a garbage lid. That broke too. Now I'm out snow shovel, AND a garbage lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 913

You deserved it 4 815

By lovecrisis247 - 19/12/2010 07:46 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 137

You deserved it 25 523

By octoberrain - 10/10/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 651

You deserved it 3 086

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 03:06 - United States - Tyler

Today, a customer at my coffee shop bitched me out because we don't sell cranberry juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 862

You deserved it 1 788

By Hopeless romantic - 16/08/2014 06:20 - Australia - Perth

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 502

You deserved it 10 330

The Little Sperm That Could

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 849

You deserved it 924

Heartwarming story

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had no choice but to shit himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he'd pooped in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 762

You deserved it 5 448

By icefly - 29/07/2016 15:39 - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 436

You deserved it 1 092

Beauty

By frosho - 09/03/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a restaurant with my best friend. We had just competed in a pageant together earlier this month. A lady comes up to my friend who got first alternate and said, "You were robbed of that title. You deserved to win. I hated the winner." I was the winner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 664

You deserved it 5 630

By ProtoBird - 14/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I got hit so hard in the head by a dodgeball that a contact popped right out. To make matters worse, I continued to get hit as a futilely searched for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 881

You deserved it 1 584

By cooploops - 31/01/2015 15:13 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 434

You deserved it 12 118

Woozy

By Thisismylife - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 726

You deserved it 4 421

By Anon - 13/03/2016 00:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 071

You deserved it 1 393

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The Top

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 746

You deserved it 2 136

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 778

You deserved it 7 025

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 833

You deserved it 4 786

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 11 393

Today, I woke up early for work, put on my uniform, took two buses, and when I got there my boss laughed and reminded me that I was fired yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 1 859

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 2 067