Love: Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After...

By octoberrain - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML

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Love

Mother of the year

Sorry…

Horsing around

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML

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By soldiergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

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By onebadwave - United States

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Beachwood

Today, I saw my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 8 months. He dumped me on the spot because I was "uglier" than he remembered. FML

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By ILoveFML - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hood River

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

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By Hollerz90

Red Right Hand

Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML

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By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

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By Sam - France

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

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By Shan.nel - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiancé and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

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By Emily Ann - 8/6/2021 13:59

Stressed out

Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Raynham

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

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By sam - 15/5/2021 00:01

Where am I?

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Man child, part 2

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

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840

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

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By veggiegal - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

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By Boo

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

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By Alex Knight

The cake was not a lie.

Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML

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By fnfantastic - United States - Warsaw

Today, I woke up with a vague memory of buying something last night while drunk. According to my credit card summary I made a $270 purchase from a home shopping channel. I guess in 5-7 days I'll find out what it was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

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By awkward wedding

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

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By is cum a fruit or a vegetable? - United States - Germantown

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

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By sevenshotmovie - United States - Sheffield

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

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By rokkstarrrVRV - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

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By Gabrielguitar - United States

Thanks, I guess…

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

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By coop42 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

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By Blah

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

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By 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

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By Headphones - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

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By tkghan - United States - Concord

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

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By KnowledgableEx - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

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By Anonymous - Slovakia

Today, while presenting a project I've worked on for months, one of the professors exasperatedly cut in mid-sentence, saying, "Look, it's shit. Just stop already." FML

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By Ava K - United States - San Diego

Unnecessary

Today, my mom and I were looking at dresses for me at the mall. The cashier pointed out a dress, and my mom said, "She's definitely not going to fit into that. She's too flat-chested." FML

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Top comments

By prettyinpunk1025 | 14

#3417106 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 8:54

Who cares what your sister thinks... As long as he treats you right, and you like/love him, that's all that matters.

By enonymous | 8

#3417245 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:20

I'm hoping it was Waldo and she's just jealous she didn't find him first

COMMENTS

By ken8lk | 3

#3417096 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 8:52

I know that feel, bro.

jordnlyn | 6

#3417108 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 8:55

FHL!

enonymous | 8

#3417245 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:20

I'm hoping it was Waldo and she's just jealous she didn't find him first

SneakyMuffin | 0

#3421025 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 8:47

You, my sir, belong on MLIA!!!

By prettyinpunk1025 | 14

#3417106 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 8:54

Who cares what your sister thinks... As long as he treats you right, and you like/love him, that's all that matters.

By KVKdragon | 26

#3417146 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:00

Ugh. Siblings can be the worst sometimes. Just ignore her and keep on loving your bf

By ollie179 | 21

#3417148 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:00

Admit it. He's a homeless guy right?

By LolCakes111 | 7

#3417159 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:01

"Your Boyfriend"

tannerparker16 | 0

#3417194 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:10

Thanks, I wasn't aware, FML was too confusing thank god U made sense of everything

By gorgeousnightmar | 0

#3417171 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:04

Sounds like the girl who wrecked my pre engagement. And over 2 year relationship. Karma will hit.

justanotherhuman | 21

#3419200 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 22:58

Think your targeting system has a few errors, there.

rachel_potter | 13

#3420389 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 5:28

Stop trying to get people to throw you a pity party

PrincessPesa | 20

#4233869 - Thursday 29 March 2012 20:35

WTF is a pre-engagement? It's like being "kind of pregnant". You either are, or you aren't!

xNephilim | 18

#4523210 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 0:05

I'm guessing it's when a girl and her boyfriend are talking about getting married but aren't engaged yet.

By ljcarranza | 16

#3417222 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:15

tell her you saw him outside looking into her room so you brought him in lol

By Freeze_fml | 16

#3417249 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:22

The man about to bitch slap her.

By EarAcheMyEYE10 | 2

#3417261 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:32

OP- you should of pulled that bitch aside and responded... your husbands lover.... that would of shut that bitch up for a bit; then tell her to shut the fuck up!

je_suis_fml | 11

#3420597 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 6:19

13- angry, bro?

By shireeniee | 8

#3417315 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:55

Why would she screw her sister when she's got a bf?

Or hey, threesome.