By Oldhouse - United States - Hacienda Heights

Ouch

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44854

5556

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Dangling modifier

There's no helping some people

By Binks - United States - Bonneau

Today, my dad took away my Xbox because "You never do anything active." I had just run a 5K. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2841

You deserved it

226

Favorite

By I Feel Horrible - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58862

You deserved it

9394

Favorite

By wtfguys - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35174

You deserved it

3650

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50196

You deserved it

9749

Favorite

By look at the fucking universe, lady - United States - Montgomery

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40657

You deserved it

5192

Favorite

By lonesome - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49484

You deserved it

3413

Favorite

By Raven - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2146

You deserved it

129

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40130

You deserved it

3575

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3994

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By chrono19 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40400

You deserved it

5663

Favorite

By desocrates - United States

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70484

You deserved it

4046

Favorite

By Coach - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8315

You deserved it

41508

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my pregnant girlfriend and I moved into our first home together, signing a 1-year lease. Less than 12 hours later, we've discovered that the place is infested with cockroaches and we have a mouse. The landlord won't let us out of the contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30283

You deserved it

5225

Favorite

Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3266

You deserved it

280

Favorite

By Poop - United States

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35898

You deserved it

3191

Favorite

By bilol - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any European guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68832

You deserved it

6877

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43358

You deserved it

13129

Favorite

By SadDaenerys

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13350

You deserved it

1380

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41194

You deserved it

2789

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29699

You deserved it

5701

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28989

You deserved it

3193

Favorite

By Peppered and Zapped

Appropriate force

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1975

You deserved it

180

Favorite

By fmlfmlfml - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36710

You deserved it

8649

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13162

You deserved it

36894

Favorite

By jobless - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34603

You deserved it

1975

Favorite

By Sarraahh - 19/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Mystery

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1908

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1376

You deserved it

188

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36130

You deserved it

4849

Favorite

By bdogge99 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was at the dentist. During my check-up, he recommended a dermatologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24946

You deserved it

2931

Favorite

By inalotofpain - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32397

You deserved it

3897

Favorite

By Alyce - 10/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Lewistown

Surrounded

Today, my significant other woke at 4:30 a.m. to me crying about a spider in the bathroom. I have an intense fear of spiders; he was super nice and took care of it for me. He even walked me out to my car. I started to calm down driving to work, but when I got there what do I see on the door handle but a spider. I'm still shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

848

You deserved it

373

Favorite

By Marian - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

73557

You deserved it

8991

Favorite

By shygurl434 - United States

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24117

You deserved it

3619

Favorite

By Anemity_is_my_name - 7/1/2021 14:01 - United States

Compassion

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1344

You deserved it

Favorite

By ahhhhhh - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32545

You deserved it

6457

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62734

You deserved it

3748

Favorite

By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - Spain - El Puig

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56534

You deserved it

3659

Favorite

By jelrid - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9851

You deserved it

3903

Favorite

By theblackrose23 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my grandfather died via Facebook, because apparently both my father and my aunt think posting a status about it immediately rather than calling family is the thing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48014

You deserved it

2824

Favorite

By CD - United States

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22941

You deserved it

2582

Favorite

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Top comments

By demonhunter3220 | 14

#6015294 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:47

You know, they say 72% of stair accidents happen on stairs.

By teentee401 | 36

#6015288 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:43

Ouch! Hope you and your house are okay, OP.

COMMENTS

By teentee401 | 36

#6015288 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:43

Ouch! Hope you and your house are okay, OP.

By pratikp03 | 22

#6015289 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:44

1-800-handyman service.

By 715chiefs | 15

#6015290 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:44

Aw. That sucks, OP. I hope you're okay and the damage isn't too bad!

By mete_orito | 34

#6015291 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:45

Time for repairs OP! I hope you are OK.

By demonhunter3220 | 14

#6015294 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:47

You know, they say 72% of stair accidents happen on stairs.

hufflepuffle | 13

#6015298 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:50

The other 28% is from looking at someone the wrong way. Get it staring at someone on accident and getting beat up? Just me? Okay...

tigerisabelle | 31

#6015432 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 17:49

I got it but at the same time I know why your name is hufflepuff...le

Might've made more sense if you said, "stairing at someone"

ErinPinelli | 24

#6015500 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 19:26

I thought they happened on the toilet.

Sports_guy3 | 28

#6015509 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 19:37

Great reference #5 lmao

Wyaru | 9

#6017678 - Thursday 24 July 2014 18:02

I don't get it. Was the crack ON the stairs or above them?

By illegalbeagle69 | 23

#6015297 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:50

At least you have a reason for falling. i just fall up the stairs.

By blcksocks | 19

#6015299 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:50

I wood crack a joke about this but it's not a great time to do so. Get that shit fixed before "fall".

By panicsdisaster | 17

#6015300 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:51

The stairs tried warning you.

By Enslaved | 36

#6015301 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:53

"Not Another Teen Movie" flashback.

krystenk93 | 23

#6015708 - Wednesday 23 July 2014 0:01

I'm so happy someone else thought of that too!

By dawood_k | 27

#6015310 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 15:56

That's a cracker.